Not perfect

I am not one who seeks perfection. In everyday situations, I always provide space for the unexpected. I leave room for the what-can-go-wrong. In a person, I just bounce off energy and synergy. Perfection is lost on a human and seeking for it is wasted energy.

Ok.
Where did that come from?
Oh.

A close colleague recently told me the reason why I'm still single was the very fact that I'm choosy. I would like to tell her that she's wrong but unfortunately, she was right. However, before she thumped her chest and proclaimed "I knew it!", I actually gave her my reasons as we walked to a nearby McDonalds for lunch.

Ed: Don't get me wrong. It's not about the looks.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Oh come on. He and I just need to have some things in common.
Friend: And that is so hard to find?
Ed: You'll be surprised.
Friend: Do you really need to have things in common?
Ed: *gasp* But of course, lah!
Friend: Like what?
Ed: You know I like my movies, music and stuff. Sure, everybody likes them but can they sustain conversations and arguments about them?
Friend: Why would you want to talk about such stuff anyway?
Ed: ...cause they are my interests?
Friend: So, did you find anyone you can do that with?
Ed: If I have, I won't waste time talking this shit with you.
Friend: You need to put yourself out there.
Ed: Out, where? No..it is not natural.
Friend: Natural is to sit, grow old, die and rot. Some things need to be sought.
Ed: I have anxiety issues. I am shy.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Never mind. You don't understand.

And then we shuffled silently for a while to the holy land of the golden fries.
Some things are never meant to be rushed. Just let me be for a while, okay?


###

An Innocent (Wo)man

School is officially out. Well, until 26th December anyway. I'll take this 1 whole month to get to know myself a bit more. Nevertheless, I'm going to miss some folks.

Ah, such a happy problem.

-----

Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I'm not above
Making up for the love
You've been denying you could ever feel
I'm not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I'm only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before

Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it's easier to hate
Than to wait anymore

I know you don't want to hear what I say
I know you're gonna keep turning away
But I've been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I'm not above going through it again
I've not above being cool for a while
If you're cruel to me I'll understand

Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight
That's your decision
But I'm not below
Anybody I know
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love
I'm not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began

Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I'm not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man ~ An Innocent Man, Billy Joel

###

Why?

So fast.
Grow up.
I am still.
The same.

Say it, dammit!

Every now and then, there will be a song which, for no rhyme or reason, just breaks your heart.

No.....not on a Saturday night :(


###

I said no...no...no!

So...it's already November.
So...I am still alive.
So...I am still awake at 0225hrs on a Monday.

So Jing left for home in Pinas late September.

There goes another one of my buddies. One lesser human to go watch a movie or have meals with. Life...nothing is forever, isn't it?

Other than that, it has been a time-warp kind of situation in my life. Work was a little crazy recently, with the exam period and markings to be done. School was officially closed for the kids last Friday (yay for them!) but I still have 3 more weeks to go through before I get to stay away from my work desk. My first major vacation as a high school teacher. Interesting.

So next year, I will be teaching the Year 3s. That's upper level, for the do-not-knows. Quite surprised that the school is actually giving me such a task. After all, I only have a journalism/writing background. I guess, everyone is capable till proven otherwise. Si?

Oh, one more thing.

I have yet to get into trouble.
I have yet to get into jail.
Or rehab.
Or mental institute.

So help me, God.


###