Baby it's cold outside

I was sharing with the peeps over the weekend about my secondary school life and well, it hit me. I was one of the mean girls.

Actually..not true. I take it back. I may look mean but seriously, I was everyone's friend. Or so I think. They could all be afraid of me, for all I know.

Yeah the incident during Sec 2 really shook me up from my little innocent and sheltered world. Not everyone was as trusting or as decent as they looked. Especially those menacing seniors who watched you like a vulture waiting to savage your carcass. They were all waiting for me at the gate and they sized me up and started their verbal attack. They picked the right time, I tell you, for there was no one to witness the incident. I stood there like a stone...not sorry for what I had done for I did the right thing (however, not the smartest thing). After they were done with their verbal diarrhoea, most of them left...leaving 1 of them behind.

That 1 important person who stayed behind then pulled me aside and within 10 minutes taught me some valuable lessons in my teenage life. She said a lot of things that made me wake up from my Barbie world. Slowly. she then groomed me to be the bitch. However, she said..it's a new breed. A bitch with a heart, she said. "Only mess with those who deserved to be fucked around," she said.

So yeah...I led a double life back at school. i was a model NPCC cadet and on the other hand, I was a nightmare of a prefect. I was the decent Malay LDDS girl, but a mean girl in the cheerleading squad. The only time I was just me was when I was alone in the middle of the school field doing my track and field training all by myself...with the sports coaches looking from afar.

Anyway, I dont know. Karma hasnt bitten my hard yet. I know it will come eventually. Just feel the need to appy polly logy (apologise, lah!) to those poor people I had terrorised. Those who I had inadvertently slammed due to their inefficiencies and deficiencies back then.

And oh..to those girls whom I had to snip their hair off, I wasnt sorry because I was doing it in the name of duty. I do, sincerely, apologise to those who were injured under my training during sports and NPCC training.

I also want to apologise to the school keepers and wardens. Somehow the idea of cutting fences was cooler than climbing the back gate. Also, I am sorry. Sometimes the dustbins were overturned or shifted. It must have been those days when I was so pissed and needed a sparring partner.

I remember there was this day I was very angry over something. I think it was the lady discipline mistress who could have pissed me off. We never saw eye to eye and I knew she hated me. I ran down the stairs and punched the notice board beside the canteen. The board didnt break though..but I had a cut. I was a very angry person back then.

Oh well.

School ended and I guess...it was the end of my angst. I had to go for a 3-week NPCC inspector training and it was hell for me. I didnt know anyone and I had to be ordered around like a stupid idiot. What's worse, I busted my knee during the last week of training at Pulau Ubin and was on painkillers throughout. I hated the instructors and hated those enthusiastic people who were so shiny-happy and optimistic. But oh well...as luck turned out, there were a few nice people and we had great friendships for the next 10 years.

What's my point again?

Not all bad and angry people will remain that way forever.


(emailed)

###

Bumpin' & grindin' shizzle my nizzle

I am re-discovering internet radio and right now, on a wet Monday morning, my soul has been taken to the Bronx.

Pop your collars, boys and get/spread your eagle on, girls. It's time to get it poppin' and drop it like it's hot. Everybody..let's get busy.

Holla.


P/S: Maybe in a couple of hours' time, I'll go country.

(emailed)


###

Letting things unfold

You were right
And I don't wanna be here
If you're gonna be there
Was that supposed to happen?
I'll hold tight
I'll remember to smile
Though it has been a while
And without you doesn't matter
There's no room
No place to start
When our souls are apart

I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days
Tonight
I just wanna be
A million miles away from here
I'm counting down the days

How you've been
It's just the usual here
And days are feeling like years
And every day's without you
Now I cry
Just a little too much
when I think of your touch
And every thing about you
I feel cold
I'm in the dark
When our souls are apart

I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days
Tonight
I just wanna be
A million miles away from here - Counting Down The Days, Natalie Imbruglia


Looking out for something but still cannot find what it actually is.


A thousand times goodnight, little men and little women who are contented with their little lives.

###

Provocative thinking

Ahhh...

What a groggy Sunday evening.

Feeling totally listless and with a muddled head...more so with each passing day.

Did I tell you i saw the Mafia at Toa Payoh yesterday with her gang members family? Wanted to tell her that I didnt lie to her totally when I quit her triad but..nah..forget it. No need to explain myself. Not like she would finance my education anyway. I knew.

Anyway, my life is literally like a pig sty. Am surrounded by clutter because I am just not motivated to do some major cleaning up with piles of clothes stacking on the bed and with electrical appliances lying everywhere. Cables...chargers...wires..books..magazines... The mother cleared the store room and when she was done, i got a lil pissed because I couldnt find my stuff - books, bags, etc - because she had stacked them neatly in some obscure corners. Seriously, what's the use of having things when you cant find them in your teeny 3-room flat?

I think i need to go on a sabbatical trip. Like...7 years in Tibet or something. Or a couple of weeks in Petra, Jordan or Macedonia...or at Hagia Sophia..or Granada/Cordoba/Sevilla...or Acropolis. Somewhere inspiring. Just God and me.




First one to name the place/building and the country gets an ice cream treat. Haha.

Ok.

Think I need to buck meself up and at least, clear the clutter in the room.

Later.

###

Bummed in and out

Oh

Remember 5 Takes Discovery Travel and Living search for its travel blogger? The one where I had been chosen to go to the 2nd round?

Well...

I had to back out.

Because?

I am a bloody staff at Discovery.

Fucking huge chee bye.

###

This could get ugly

It started with Meiling taking a picture of me under the hot Saturday morning sun at the parade square. Just gave the kids their 1000th break because they all looked dead and dehydrated and I, too, was losing my voice.


They have improved after training for 2 weeks for the Project Cabin launch. Methinks, my babies can march better than some NSmen I heard of.


See..they are old with age. I have stopped polishing the boots for a couple of years now. My hat is super dusty. The uniform? I have been wearing the same one since 1996. The colour is almost turning to faded blue. And notice the shirt hasn’t gotten any pockets at the bottom? It’s because I cut the 2 pockets off because they served absolutely no purpose as the shirt was worn tucked.


So at the end of the day, I sat there and asked myself.. “Am I done with this thing?”

Dilemma aside…

Yesterday I just noticed one of my cadets looked just like my first love Bird-Man (not his real name, obviously). Tall, tanned, a fantastic smile that lit up a learned scholar-ly face. I stood there watching the 14(!!!!!) year old marched up and down the parade square and compared him to Bird-Man. Like Bird-Man, this boy too is a football player and he is currently playing in the Home United Under-17 team. This boy also looks splendid in the blue uniform…just like Bird-Man. Heh, men (or boys, in this case) in uniform are hot. Both are basketball enthusiasts and are street-smart people.

Ed: Eh Meiling..look at Roy.
ML: Which one?
Ed: That tall one in the Sec 2 squad. Doesn’t he look like Bird-Man?
ML: Oooh a bit lah.
Ed: Cute, right? Hahaha. I feel like a paedophile right now.
ML: Hmm not bad but I think Roy is better looking than Bird Man.
Ed: Yeah right…or so you think.

Anyway Bird-Man is married now. Think he has been married for years..during his NS days I think. The last time I saw him he was looking like an Ah Seng already. See what marriage can do to some people.

Oh well.
Hopefully Roy doesn’t grow up to be such a heartbreaker … and eventually becoming pompous and arrogant like that stupid Bird-Man who forgot his place. Bitch.

Anyway…look at this.


My new phone. I am still figuring out how to use it and how to use the Bluetooth thingy. Yeah..I am technology-challenged. Sue me.

The monopoly session last night was tensed for me initially. We all had different ideas on how to play and URGH, I still don’t believe the notion that you can buy a site upon landing on it while on a double-number throw. Then after your second throw, you can buy another site you land on.

HOW CAN IT BE LIKE THAT???

Was this close to flipping Shuxiang’s mahjong table. Settled to just sulking for a good 1/3 of the game. Gaaaah.


Did I tell you I despise Costa Rica? Thank God I hadn’t landed on Brazil. Wait..Did I?


Okay…time to catch some more sleep…continue with the article.
But first, gimme some food!!

Later.

###

Is it time to...?

First entry gone due to technical default.

Miss Lee saysif things go well, I will be teaching in about a couple of months' time. Now, that's fast. She says the school want manpower and they appreciate if someone wants to teach PE voluntarily.

Anyway...played football with the kids again after the parade and one by one, we melted like ice cream under the mid day sun. However for some strange reasons, i liked the burning sensation searing my skin. It felt good. even though I could see the burning after-effect almost immediately.

However at the end of the day, I sat alone in the NPCC room and did some thinking. I looked at my uniform hanging..my boots..my round hat...they have all gotten old with age. They are like telling me they cannot go on anymore. At that time, my head was telling me the same thing.

Can I still take this anymore?

I will post the pictures when I get back. Am at Shuxiang's place with CY, Adrian and Wei-xiang..playing monopoly.

Later then.

###

Mellow mellow

2 more hours to NPCC....gaaaaah!


Went to Singapore Arts Museum after work for there is a photo exhibition. There was one which reduced me to tears...ok..just a bit teary. It's a shot of 2 kids on a jetty looking at the redding of the sky with the setting sun. i love the openness..the freedom..the nature that the photo had to offer. I felt affected because right now i feel like i have been caged and am trapped.

Oh...while waiting for the 2 clowns to appear, I sat at Coffee Beans, took out Snow White and began to crack my head for the article. It's still quite far from finished...but hey, at least i had started. Over a Belgian Chocolate Blended some more.

After dinner we went to catch The Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift at PS. Well, I wanted to catch it. How was it? Not bad. Of course it wasnt as good as Initial D (because my Jay Chou is in it) but hey, it's cool. Though it does have its ridiculous moments.

Must say..the Jap girls in the movie are fucking hawt!



More pictures later..i need to sleep.

A thousand times goodnight, my mean machine.

###

I am not all glitter

"All that is gold does not glitter;
Not all those that wander are lost."

- J.R.R. Tolkein, The Fellowship of the Ring



Hear that?
I am not lost.
I am just a wandering spirit.
Now..go get lost.

But, have a good weekend.

###

Ed *hearts* Friday

We get it almost every night
When that moon is big and bright
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight
Everybody here is out of sight
They don't bark, and they don't bite
They keep things loose, they keep 'em tight
Everybody was dancin' in the moonlight

Dancin' in the moonlight
Everybody's feelin' warm and bright
It's such a fine and natural sight
Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight

We like our fun and we never fight
You can't dance and stay uptight
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody was dancin' in the moonlight

Dancin' in the moonlight
Everybody's feelin' warm and bright
It's such a fine and natural sight
Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight-Dancin’ In The Moonlight, Toploader

Well, it’s either this tune or Friday, I’m In Love by The Cure. Even Jess Simpson’s A Public Affair is giving me the mood to kick back and chill. And oh, Mojo’s Lady (Give Me Tonight). Heck, in fact, at 0945hrs this Friday morning, I think I can take on house/dance/techno/rave music.



I feel like I am on speed now.
Think the cheese bun has been doped.

Serious.

I am feeling damn high now.

Don’t you just love Friday and what it does to you?


...

P/S: I think I will re-instate HBO. I want to catch Entourage.
P/S/S: There is midnight shopping today and Borders is opened till then. Hmmm..
P/S/S/S: Did I tell you that my brother bought the LG Chocolate handphone? And that he is now an assistant engineer at his new workplace at Yio Chu Kang? Man.

###

Maybe's I'm just too bold

The father’s pissed that I left my lappie on the kitchen table. Maybe it didn’t hit him that there is no other place for me to create an “office”. I want to move out.


Anyway my emergency ATM card broke into 3 pieces. * smack own head *


Breath it in and breath it out
And pass it on it's almost out
We're so creative and so much more
We're high above but on the floor
It's not a habit it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it
You’re on the other side

The deeper you stick it in your vein
The deeper the thoughts there's no more pain
I'm in heaven I'm a god
I'm everywhere I feel so hot
It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it
You’re on the other side
I'm not an addict
Maybe that's a lie

It's over now, I'm cold, alone
I'm just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me
Oh, nothing means a thing to me
It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it
You’re on the other side
I'm not an addict
Maybe that's a lie

Free me, leave me
Watch me as I'm going down
Free me, see me
Look at me I'm falling
And I'm falling.........

It is not a habit, it is cool
I feel alive I feel.......
It is not a habit, it is cool
I feel alive

It's not a habit, it's cool
I feel alive
If you don't have it
You’re on the other side
I'm not an addict
Maybe that's a lie

I'm not an addict
I'm not an addict
I'm not an addict - Not An Addict, K’s Choice


It’s Friday and I am still thinking.
Thinking about life…
And its surprises
Its disappointment
Its confusion
Its excitement
Its possibilities
Its opportunities
Its cynicism
Its bleeding contusion.

So many things are taking place in my life right now that I don’t even know where to pause, take a step back and analyse. There are times when I fall short of what I say I’m all about. I realise it’s going to be a crazy period from now till end of the year. Mentioning which…I am really looking forward to the end of the year. This crazy year has got to stop.


Sit and analyse, Ed.

Anyway..yeah..a lot of things are happening and I am caught in a whirl. My brain is like a ticking time bomb right now and it’s like I am going to get a haemorrhage or aneurism. Of course, this is not good. I am a fun person. I am not supposed to be so intense. I am a wild flower child spawned by hippie parents. I am not supposed to be full of melancholia.

Somehow life has a way of turning you into someone you are not. You have to grab that open door and jump. And who knows, it is love that is catching your fall.

Love is a burnin' thing,
And it makes a fiery ring
Bound by wild desire
I fell into a ring of fire

I fell into a burnin' ring of fire
I went down, down, down
And the flames went higher
And it burns, burn, burns
The ring of fire
The ring of fire (Ring Of Fire, Johnny Cash)


Mentioning that…I think I am close to forgetting how does this thing called love work.

A thousand times goodnight, pretty fairies on the wings of painted butterflies.

###

Early bed...

Was surfing Pak Budi’s blog on the orphanage when I saw this:



Woah…they have gone to school! Hopefully this will be the bourgeoning of a beautiful interest in education for them. I like Pritty. She has that stoic independence in her young soulful eyes. Still cant forget the first time I made her smile. Priceless. I think I gave her a chocolate. I miss them kids.

So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees
I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn
The long broken arm of human law
Now it always seemed such a waste, she always had a pretty face
So I wondered how she hung around this place

Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

She said it's cold
It feels like Independence Day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got to be an opening
Somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed
And I seen the sun up ahead at the county line bridge
Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead
We'll run until she's out of breath
She ran until there's nothin' left
She hit the end, it's just her window ledge

Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

Well this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn
Well it smells of cheap wine, cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I'm so alone and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think of death, it must be killin' me

Hey, hey hey come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight - One Headlight, Wallflowers

A thousand times goodnight, rockers and maestros.

###

It is out!

The all-important list is out.

That means..on August 19 (and all the subsequent weekends), I have a date with 22 fit men.

Really, cant wait.

And with that, all my socialising will have to be re-adjusted to suit the game.

Dont you just love the EPL season?

###

Wont somebody come take me home?

For some strange reasons, I feel like singing right now. Not those humming kind, but the usual mad "power-belting" KTV session at Apollo Centre. Which is, by the way, a very good stress-relieving exercise.

Anyway, it's Wednesday. 2 more days to the great weekend and 5 more days to pay day. First "real" pay in months. Woohoo! Am planning to open another bank account. Hmmm...big steps, man. Big steps.

Oooh i need a bag/cover for Snow White. Maybe I can check out the Crumpler ones.

Gonna take the shuttle service to the airport later for lunch. Feel like a Big Mac actually. Hahaha glutton. Oh well. Hopefully this will be a pleasant Wednesday

###

You don't know...never know

CY has "appointed" IT and I to be her wedding emcees come January. Already we both had planned on how to make the dinner as quirky as possible and the various possibilities were, obviously, hilarious. It's gonna be like a madcap variety show cum getai cum Miss Teochew/Chinatown contest. We were even suggesting a 60s' retro theme because the bulk of the guests were from that era. And as the emcees, we would be given the prerogative to do whatever we want. IT would sing that Ai Pia Jia Eh Pia song while I would sing Sim Tia Tia. Dont ask why we want to sing these Hokkien songs about working hard and having an aching heart at CY's wedding though.


Madness.


Stayed back late just now...think the main reason was that I didnt want to go home to do something. Yeah...that writing thing. I slowly took a bus and embarked on a long journey home. When I got back eventually, I actually fell asleep for 2 hours.

Wrote a long entry through email about my career crisis but somehow it didnt appear. Freaking hell. That entry was a work of art, okay! A piece of psychotic art and now it is not published...lost in the virtual insanity and couldnt be duplicated anymore.

So much for artificial intelligence.

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone
Oh it has begun
Oh dear, you look so lost
Your eyes are red when tears are shed
Swirls you must have crossed, you said

‘You don’t know me, you don’t even care"
Oh yeah, she said
"You don’t know me and you don’t wear my chains"
Oh yeah…

The essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts
Across an open field
When flowers gaze at you
They’re not the only ones
Who cry when they see you, you said

"You don’t know me and you don’t even care"
Oh yeah, she said
"You don’t know me and you don’t wear my chains"
Oh yeah...

She said: I think I’m going to Boston
I think I’ll start a new life
I think I’ll start it over
Where no one knows my name
I’ll get out of California
I’m tired of the weather
I think I’ll get a lover
I’ll fly ‘em out to Spain

I think I’ll go to Boston
I think that I was tired
I think I need a new town
To leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise
I’m tired of a sunset
Here it’s nice in the summer
Some snow would be nice, oh yeah...

Boston
Where no one knows my name
Yeah...no one knows my name
No one knows my name - Boston, Augustana

Beautiful.

And you know…it is exactly how I am feeling.



The world is so vast and I am feeling like a speck of dust.

A thousand times goodnight, spiritual embalmers.

P/S: Dont think I want to watch Nacho Libre with the colleagues tomorrow. I dont have a valid excuse though.


###

Did you hear what I've just said?

 

Boy, am I lucky!

With the help of a little Coldplay, Bon Jovi and Monica, I've won Paul Mitchell products, some CD (former Destiny's Child- LaToya's) and waaaah...$600 spa voucher!

Whoah.

Suaku

me has never been to a spa so yeah, am quite excited about it.

Man, thank you my angel.

(emailed)

###

Too shagged, baby

I fell asleep while I was blogging and eventually my notebook battery went dead. I lost my review entry on Lake House..complete with beautiful pictures and all. Sigh...

But anyway...

Am i the only one who thinks that Edmund Chen is the local cheena-fied version of Keanu Reeves? Anyway...I want a lake house too.

The show was a big absurd ball of schmaltz and confusion. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves look gorgeous together (because both are old already. haha!) and true, the talk of waiting and longing makes a very strong romantic element. However, one cannot help but think why are they caught in this situation? Why is there a span of 2 years between them?

Why? Why? Why?

You may say it's just a movie...but come on!

However, ignoring the obnoxious time-machine confusion, Lake House is beautiful.To me, it reiterates the fact that if we strip love of its superficial absurdities, it is actually very simple and pure. There were indeed moments when I just wanted to blubber into Meiling's cardigan because I was hit with the same feeling that Kate (Sandra Bull-ock) was having. But I controlled. Yes Lauren, not a single tear dropped out although at some points, I wanted to just walk out of the cinema because my heart was aching very badly. My heart was practically shouting "I can't take this anymore! I can't take this anymore!"

I think unlike the Korean Il Mare version, Lake House ending is typical happy-ending kind of ending.Which was good for me cause any tragedy at the end would have probably left me in a wreck. Ah, the perils of a sensitive soul...gah!

So yeah...it's sad because I can imagine my life turning out to be like Kate's in a few years' time. Just waiting for something or someone to come by. And while waiting, I will just drag my feet doing whatever things that help time goes by. Maybe I have no patience. But at 26, I feel so old and tired.

Shall not go on.

It will be a great day and I shall not let a silly movie make me think so much.

Later, alligator.

(emailed)

###

Gooooood morning, Tanah Merah!

June: You look like you need another weekend.
Ed: Heh. It's a case of "I-had-too-much-fun" syndrome.
June: Ouch!
Ed: Naaah. I'm fine. It's just the morning.
June: Oh, engine hasnt revved up, yeah?
Ed: Uh huh! It's just the morning blues.

Come on!
I dont look that bad, do I?

Was doing mental calculations of anything and everything I could think of on my way to work. I came up with out of the possible 46 hours I could spend at home on last Friday-Sunday, I spent only 22 hours. And I only spent 10 hours (less than half of 22!) of my time at home sleeping. I spent a total of one whole day outside past weekend. Out of that 24 hours, I spent almost 5 hours sweating under the sun in my stinky blue NPCC uniform, 4 hours gyrating clumsily at MOS, 2.5 hours at Bishan's GV, 2 hours searching for laptop, 1.5 hours chatting by the beach and the rest on meals and travel.

Pwoah!

For that 24 hours, I dare not imagine how much moolah I had spent. I shall go on an Euthopian-mission this week...that is, starving.

Okay, must get back to work. I need to finish early..or at least, on time, today. Meiling has gotten passes for Lake House and I want to see Keanu Reeves.

Excellent, dude!

(emailed)

###

What's good to know

Thanks to my ever-ready personal IT specialist, Fifi, I finally figured out some configurations and am now typing lazily on the bed. Liberatingly bo liao!

Sleep.

###

Hope dangles on a string...

‘Twas a very hot night. Beads of perspiration forming on my forehead. Is it warm…or is it just me entertaining my thoughts? Guess the article can wait a few more days. I am still charging the new lappie.

Was chatting with the Best Friend…

Why is it so difficult? To find love..to stay in love…to forget being in love? As always, she is stuck in some kind of a sticky situation involving an older and a younger guy. We have concluded that sometimes it is best not to be with neither. According to her story, the old guy has too many baggages while the young one is simply…young.

Yup his crime is his youth.

We are getting old and the rest of the world is getting younger. Is dating a younger man a crime? I have always objected vehemently to that. But seeing how happy my girlfriends are with their younger boy friends kind of change my mind. I guess…it’s not my business. As long as they are happy, then I think I should be happy for them too, right?



So guys…go. Date whoever you fancy. If he’s too old, there’s always Viagra. If he’s too young, erm..i don’t know..if there’s Viagra for girls.


Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

.......

Went to catch Pirates of the Caribbean again with Weiqiang, Shuxiang and Adrian at Bishan. Apparently, I missed quite a substantial bit of an opening the first time I caught it. Still enjoyed the show although I could feel fatigue creeping in. I even had a cramp attack on my calves. Like I have said…I am too old for too much fun.

God..it is so hot in here.

I am losing my voice cause right now it sure sounds like one belonging to a transvestite at Changi. It’s another working week and as much as I don’t want whine, it sure sucks to go back to work after a tiring weekend.

Oh well…shall look forward to the next weekend. This time, let’s keep it sedated. No clubbing or rolling on the sand on the beach at 0200hrs.

I take that back. I DON’T mind rolling on the sand on the beach at 0200hrs. It’s just a matter of who am I rolling on the sand with. Heh.

Control, Aphrodite, control.

Be still my beating heart.

A thousand times goodnight, tortured souls.


P/S: Shall transfer to the laptop…whom I’ve just “baptised” as Snow White and shall continue surfing on my bed.

###

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I woke up hot and sweaty at 1430hrs...and now it's already 1630hrs, time for me to head to Bishan to catch Pirates of the Caribbean again.

Did somebody say writing assignment?

Oh...yesterday I did 2 unthinkable things. I actually went up to Mr Mak and Ms Lee and asked them for advice on teaching. Their response was overwhelming and wow...I was a bit..err..overwhelmed. A graduate's language. Tsk tsk tsk. I dont know. They even told me if I were to go Northbrooks, I could do English (yeah..), Literature (double yeah yeah) and, get this, P bloody E (hooray! hooray!). I want! I want! I want!

So yeah...those 2 are going to help me. With the papers and with the pay scheme. And I dont know if I am taking a step back but seriously, I realise, office job is REALLY not for me...regardless of what job it is.

And why Northbrooks?

I dont know. I have a strange close affinity with that ghetto-fied school. It kind of makes me feel like I am Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. The kids are a real challenge and I have a strong feeling that I can really make a change in their lives. Okay, maybe I am idealistic but hey, I do have this connection with people. That's what I have been thinking, lah!

Anyway, yeah I am actually quite pumped up for this. I dont want to go anywhere else though and Northbrooks is like my only choice. Ms Lee was suggesting going to a primary school. No bloody way. I hate kids...they bring out the childishness in me. Hahaha. Ask Pak Budi's son, Christian.

Okay. Got to run. Dont want to let the boys wait.

Right.

Let them wait.

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Feeling tingly all over

See this?


It’s just a Compaq…but it’s mine.Woooooooooh!

I’ve got a new toy..I’ve got a new toy.

Hands aching…no thanks to the Captain’s Ball and volleyball after NPCC training. And knees are giving way no thanks to the marching/drill session, street soccer after NPCC training and MOS.

Will update more on today’s event…tomorrow.

Anyway…it’s almost 0600hrs and I have been surviving on 2-3hrs of sleep last night. Time to crash and hopefully I can start writing on the assignment tomorrow.

A thousand times goodnight, party people!


P/S: I swear I could feel the sizzle running through my spine.

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Bidding for more time

Another Discovery-calling came and no, this is not about work.

Do you know 5 Takes? No? Then go google. Anyway, I (and probably a gazillion others) have been selected for the 2nd round and this time, I have to submit a video log. Argh! Another thing to add to my to-do list…by end of this month. And that means…gasp, 1 bloody more week!

It’s out! It’s out!


The new kit is out!

Met D, IT and CY just now for dinner at Parkway Parade’s Pastamania, followed by a crazy grocery-window-shopping at Giants’. Then, we went Geylang for my dao hui fix and somehow around midnight after that, we ended up at the East Coast beach…with me lying down on the sand and catching the gorgeous night breeze. I didn’t want to get up. I could have slept there. It was indeed a beautiful night. Beautiful.

And that brought back some memories of Tioman…where the night sky was illuminated with a million stars. Been going to Tioman yearly for the past 2-3 years. Havent done that this time. Don’t think I can squeeze a trip there this year. Shall make it up for it next year perhaps. I love that place and ..hmm…maybe I can get married there next time. Yeah right.





Anyway…


Ladies…forget about what I said just now. Not many people knew about it. In fact, you three were the ones who heard the most about this issue. So, keep it low and erm..thanks for the words of motivation. I still think it is a risky thing to do. But, we’ll see how it goes.

Time now is 0420hrs and I need to wake up in 2 hours’ time and get meself to Yishun for the police cadet training. In the evening, I am gonna meet the SF guys for dinner.

Writing assignment?
What writing assignment?
Hahaha…my priorities are all screwed up, I tell you. I need to sleep…but first, let me get my most favourite poem by Walt Whitman…just to share and for you to ponder over this weekend. Have fun.

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up--for you the flag is flung--for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths--for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead. - O Captain! My Captain! (Walt Whitman)


A thousand times goodnight poets and lovers.

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Life's like this and that

It's Friday and ..erm..I dont have plans. I dont even have dinner. Wait, I dont even have lunch. Think it's a sign from God. I have to start writing my article.

But it's a Friday!

What can I do tonight that doesnt revolve around work and computer?

I feel like roaming Tanjong Pagar and Ann Siang Hill...but my partner-in-crime is right now in Vietnam..doing her tour of duty. My prata kaki is right now in London and the other teh-tarik kaki is leaving for Aceh. The supper sister is cracking her egg of a police head at AMK HQ...dealing with problems after problems posed by the community. The best friend is slogging her life away at a luxurious hotel kissing guests' asses.

Think I will just go back and see if the brother and sister want to play my new Monopoly World Cup Edition with me. Dont think the brother wants to. He is all too-adult for all this rubbish.

Then I play Monopoly with who??????

(emailed)

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Quizas quizas quizas

Finally I got the pictures from Liah…of our cam-whoring sessions at Bird Park and the Zoo few weeks ago.

Urgh. Self-indulgence, alert!








Why did I look so retarded?
Well, it’s because I hate birds.
Don’t ask me what was I doing at the Bird Park…



Oh no, Krishna…I think somebody is watching us.

Ah…it’s just a stoned seal.



Liah also passed me some hard copies of real old stuff. The camera has no more batt so I had to use the dodgy mobile camera to post these gems.


Back then..10 years ago..when my hair was damn short. A la Joe Cole's!


There's Liah, Clara, Linda and me.


Weiling, Liah, Clara. Linda and I...breaking into the science lab. Guess whose idea was that?

Hahaha. Old skool stuff.
There’s more ..but..let’s go slow.

I am damn tired. Been going back late from work because I cant finish my logging in time. Stupid motherfucker son of a biatch…how to finish? The pc runs damn slowly and besides, I am still new at this. Excuses, excuses. How like that..I promise Meiling that I will follow her to catch the evening screening of Lake House next Monday.

And guess what?

I still haven’t started my writing assignment. But then, you must understand. Writing that is not like blogging where you regurgitate every garbled thought down without much effort. It’s a skill which needs focus and right now at night, I just cant keep meself focused on anything. Sigh..again, I am giving meself excuses.

Another excuse?

By the time it’s my turn to get to the pc (yeah we siblings have to take our turns to use the pc), I have abs no mood to do research, think and write. That’s why I need a new laptop!


Then I can do work in bed..and watch porn DVDs.

Oh well.

It’s 0130hrs and I can already feel the sleepiness creeping in.

You won't admit you love me
And so how am I ever to know
You always tell me
Perhaps perhaps perhaps

A million times I've asked you
And then
I ask you over again
You only answer
Perhaps perhaps perhaps

If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't wanna wind up
Being parted
Broken-hearted

So if you really love me
Say yes
But if you don't dear..confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps perhaps perhaps - Perhaps. Perhaps Perhaps, Doris Day

Aye me.

A thousand times goodnight, beached and stranded ones.

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