I thought I would break down and cry when I stepped into the office earlier but well..I've been kept damn busy by The Gulag. I havent really "cried it out"...except for the occasional tearing. I havent..you know...let it all out. I think I am too rational to do that. But crap..it's choking from the inside.
Anyway thanks all for the well-wishes. The burial ceremony and everything that led to it went fine. I went over to the auntie's at about 0300hrs on Monday and her body was already home. We all took turns to read the words of the holy verses and made the necessary arrangements. At 0900hrs, the person in-charged of cleaning the body came. I joined my aunties in the cleansing process and it was truly an eye-opener. I've always been afraid of funerals and such but participating in this "mandi mayat" (literally: showering of the corpse) made me further realise that there's nothing to be afraid of.
By the way, the whole proces is very respecful. No naked body is exposed, save for the hands, head and feet. I just wished the person who did it didnt have to talk so much. She would have been funny if there's no corpse in front of her. Oh well...I guess she was trying to make light of the dead air in the room (hah).
So yeah. I saw the auntie being prepared for the funeral. She looked so serene and peaceful and that was a good closure for me. After being prepared, the body was brought back to the living room where everyone (and there were so many people!) could see her for the last time. The sister broke down...causing everyone else to break down. This was the part where I also had to carry/pick up/comfort my relatives (young and old) who collapsed or broke down. Doing all that distracted me from bawling and going all crazy myself.
Haha.
I am amazing.
We boarded the chartered bus to the cemetery. With the casket at the back of the bus, it was an utterly sombre affair, I tell you. When they passed me the sarong batik used to cover her body in the casket as they lowered her body into the grave hole, woah...I couldnt take it. That was when the tears flowed. This was also the part where the cousin lost it. He had been steady all this while at his mother's demise but when he saw the body being placed in the ground, he lost it. He had to be supported by his father. My heart went out to him. What a year for him..PSLE, mother's escalating sicknes, PSLE results, preparation for secondary school and mother's death 4 days before he turns 12.
So that's how it ends, actually.
On Sunday, the father and I got home from the hospital at 1000hrs as I couldnt take it anymore. That morning, I was with the auntie from 0600hrs till then because my uncle had to leave for work. The father was resting outside and the mother accompanied me intermittently inside. The auntie was in a daze...alternating betwen being conscious and otherwise. She was in so much pain and she kept touching her head cause she was having terrible headaches. She was also pulling out the oxygen aid..so much so that that nurse gave her an oxygen mask. But she kept pulling that out too and in the end, I had to hold the mask to her face for almost 3 hours.
But there was one thing amazing/peculiar. At around 0700hrs, when the mother went out to take a break, the auntie spoke to me. She hadnt been speaking for a few days already and suddenly she asked me:
Shira..Shira (my sister) dah balik?
It was not loud but it was clear and fluent. I was like .. what? Of course, those were to be her last words. She didnt say anything else for the rest of the day, right to her passing on Sunday at 2340hrs. Maybe it was a coincidence but the sister and I were at home in our bedroom when she died and during the time of death, we smelled something funny in the room.
(I am sorry if the conversation sounded stupid but it did go like this)
Ed: Did you fart?
Sis: No, I didnt.
Ed: Why did you fart? So smelly!
The smell grew.
Sis: Ew! Did you fart?
Ed: No. Did YOU fart?
Sis: Woah so smelly!
Ed: (shouting outside the window in Malay, targeting the neighbours) Hey! Has it been 10 years since your last shit?
Sis: Walao eh!!
Then the sister went out to the kitchen to get some food and then the phone rang. She died.
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