Death is not the end

I am very tired and very distracted. If there's a good time to do a sabbatical, it will be right now.

 

I spent my waking hours today at the hospital, accompanying the cancer-auntie and the cousin. I could see that the presence of her son and her niece cheered her up and that's good to know. She was more responsive today but it's still a depressing sight. She understood what we were trying to say but when it came to her to express herself, she could only point and gesticulate. It was like a very sad charade.

 

The oldest uncle came to visit around 1730hrs and an hour later, he offered to take the cousin home. When the cousin wanted to kiss his mother goodbye, she held on to his hand. She still wanted him to be by her side and so I went to the waiting room and told the uncle that the cousin would not be going off with him.

 

I told my auntie that I'd bring her son home. She then motioned something about me bringing the son to my place so that he could stay overnight at Ang Mo Kio. You see, my uncle (cancer-auntie's hubby) is on afternoon shift and would only be back at midnight and so, she's worried about her son being home alone.

 

At about 2000hrs, the sister, the cousin and I finally bade my auntie goodbye. Could see that she was reluctant to see us go. I couldnt bear to leave because it's still early (visiting time ends at 2030hrs) but I was so darn tired. The sister rode to Hougang while the cousin and I took the NEL train to Kovan and then took a bus to his place. The Hougang house was in a mess. Did a little chores here and there while the bloody idiotic cousin went straight to his computer game.

 

At 2330hrs, here I am, ending my day.

 

It's back to work tomorrow and you know what, my mind is really ... blank. I am so emotionally tired that there's nothing else occupying my brain except for the thoughts of her. Last night after tha Barca-Real Madrid match (around 0400hrs), I stayed up till around 0600hrs reading about signs of death. Call me morbid but I really want to prepare myself.

 

So now I know the signs of death.

And I begin to see all of them around me.

 

Gosh.

 

 

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