Cry me out

There hasnt been much yummilicious food at home lately but today, on the day that I choose to fast (auspicious date), there is a bowl of bloody Indian Rojak in the kitchen.

Hoo haa..woosah.

The cousin stayed over last night as he followed me back home after spending the whole day at the hospital. Hats off to all the relatives who have been rallying at SGH, keeping vigil from morning to night, and then doing it again on the following day.

Yesterday at about 1530hrs, the auntie got out of her usual daze and began to hug everyone. It was...I dont know...a scene to behold. The sky turned dark and it began to pour just when she hugged the sister, the first person she hugged. The auntie held on to her so tightly. It was so sad cause both of them were very very close. Then one by one...all of us took our turn.

I dont know how many times I said goodbye. I felt bad for wishing her a safe journey but she's not leaving yet. I told her my piece on Thursday fearing she might not be able to make it but it's Saturday now and she's still in her critical stage. She survived her 24-hr deadline. Doctor said if she could do that, she would be able to have one more month but...look at her. SHE IS IN PAIN!

Anyway, I am beyond denial, anger and depression. I have come to acceptance and it is quite a beautiful place. It's just that now, I am very tired (heh, and hungry). But then, how tired can I be compared to my older aunties who have been at the hospital 20 hrs a day? How tired can I be compared to the uncle who has to run to work, run to hospital and run to take care of things for his son who is starting secondary school/teen life next week?

How tired can you be, Ed?

Haha, no.
Not at all.


P/S: There were times when I wanted to read some holy verses to the auntie and I got distracted as she struggled to stay alive. For some strange reasons, the only verses I could remember was prayers to eat (doa makan).

###