Keep calm and be special

We're entering the 8th day of Ramadan. It has been good so far...lots of challenges as usual but...well...nothing in life is easy, right?

 

Got my Hari Raya clothes already. Simple non-fancy stuff. Just the way I like it. Two sets this year, courtesy of the mother - orange and red. No new shoes, no new bags. Am not the sort to buy new bags and shoes for Eid every year. Clothes, yes. Other things, not really.

So, it's my 4th week of working at the new place and I'm about 1 week shy to getting my real pay 'cheque' in months (part-time/freelance work doesn't count!). So far, things have been interesting. Not really sure if they are good or bad but all I can say, things have been enriching and interesting. I am working with teenagers with special needs and there would be days when I would fear for their lives (and mine) and there would be days when I would be so angsty at society for not giving them enough opportunities to live their lives just like how normal people would live.

Colleague-wise, I have managed to form some close ties with a couple of peeps. Even though the pool of staff is big, everyone seems to have gotten their own cliques. Maybe that is one of the downsides of joining an organisation halfway into the year. Or maybe, I am just not friendly enough. But how can it be? I am Miss Congeniality, what!

Haha kidding. It doesn't bother me, seriously. I am still new, still finding my way around. And even when things do get tough, I always remind myself that I had spent 4 months unemployed and now, God has finally given me something which I have always wanted to do. So...smile and be thankful.

Now, what's for lesson tomorrow?

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Funhouse

Nothing brings comfort like Prickly Heat Powder.

Especially after a long and sweaty day in school, after spending hours trying to contain chaos within a classroom.

Here's to many more tins.

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Anxiety & panic

I am not one who is up for regrets. But, truth be told, I kind of miss working at TooMuchCrap.

This is the anxiety talking.
Second week of work awaits.

Students will be streaming in tomorrow. Already, I have been getting a fast and furious stream of emails in the last 1 week I've been employed there. Though I am eager to be a part of the team, I am so overwhelmed by the flow of information. I still cannot wrap my head around things.

It's 1230hrs and I can feel my stomach acting up. You see, I have anxiety issues and they manifest themselves into stomach cramps, nausea and insomnia. This anxiety disorder has been with me for 13 years, eversince I started work with Rediffusion. Having to get up for a live morning show gave me an adrenaline rush...which slowly became stress. Then came uni life and subsequent things. Everything came to a climax at MCorp. My anxiety/nerves went out of control. The manifestations became worrying and well, I had to put a stop to it.

So after 4 months of taking it easy (way too easy, as my parents might believe), I am dusting the trail back to anxiety. Some say I should just relax and let nature takes its course. It's a catch-22, really. I thrive on adrenaline but I dont know how to control before it goes to traumatic anxiety level.

I have yet to seek help. Right now, I am just using positive self-talk, religion and a bit of que-sera-sera to get me through the day. I am just hoping that things will soon start to fall into a pattern which I can settle into as painlessly as possible. As it is, planning what to wear can be a little stressful.

Breathes.

Okay. Time to prepare tomorrow's attire and it's time to call it a day.

Good luck to me.

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