NYE Due

Here at Clara's. Off to third place.

NYE Uno

Round One

Geriatric

Whenever I get close to my birthday, I would always do something to my hair which will just reinforce how old I have aged.

Like this one.

Fix me to fix you

I am back. Three days later and I am STILL tired. Still 50% unpacked. I am just tired.
Really tired.

On top of that, I have some troubling work to do. This, is nobody else's fault, but mine. Everything seems to be my fault cause I always manage to put myself in a fix.

Even if there's no fix to get into, I will somehow fix a fix and fix myself in.

F(ix) my life.

###

Going under

Day 5...in Cappadocia.
Reached here yesterday evening after a 12-hr journey from Pamukkale.
It is -11 here. Yes...it is snowing.
Not fun, actually, unless you want to go skiing. Which, my friends, I am not.

Constatinople

Day 2.

Greetings from the Blue Mosque.

Loving Istanbul.

:)

Night at Wyndham

It is only 8.35pm but since the hotel is out of the town area, I think I shall retreat. Haven't slept since Friday morning.

Blue Mosque, tomorrow.

Good night, Istanbul.

:)

Byzantium

After 15 hours of back-breaking and butt-numbing journey, here I am in Istanbul, Turkey.

So tired amd sleepy righy now.

Heard Manchester United lost.

Suck balls.

Oh well.

###

Turkey Lurkey Time

So it has been set.

The World Cup 2014 group-by-group breakdown:

A: Brazil, Croatia, Cameroon, Mexico
B: Spain, Netherlands, Chile, Australia
C: Colombia, Greece, Ivory Coast, Japan
D: Uruguay, Costa Rica, England, Italy
E: Switzerland, Ecuador, France, Honduras
F: Argentina,  Bosnia-Herzegovina, Iran, Nigeria
G: Germany, Portugal, Ghana, USA
H: Belgium, Algeria, Russia, South Korea

Interesting.

I do hope Argentina will get to go far this time round. They have always been a favourite.

Anyway, there's a bigger pressing issue.

It is already 7th Dec 2013.

I need to be at the airport at 0630hrs.

This time tomorrow I will be shivering my bottom off in wintery Turkey.

Hoscakal & seni seviyorum :)

###

Not perfect

I am not one who seeks perfection. In everyday situations, I always provide space for the unexpected. I leave room for the what-can-go-wrong. In a person, I just bounce off energy and synergy. Perfection is lost on a human and seeking for it is wasted energy.

Ok.
Where did that come from?
Oh.

A close colleague recently told me the reason why I'm still single was the very fact that I'm choosy. I would like to tell her that she's wrong but unfortunately, she was right. However, before she thumped her chest and proclaimed "I knew it!", I actually gave her my reasons as we walked to a nearby McDonalds for lunch.

Ed: Don't get me wrong. It's not about the looks.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Oh come on. He and I just need to have some things in common.
Friend: And that is so hard to find?
Ed: You'll be surprised.
Friend: Do you really need to have things in common?
Ed: *gasp* But of course, lah!
Friend: Like what?
Ed: You know I like my movies, music and stuff. Sure, everybody likes them but can they sustain conversations and arguments about them?
Friend: Why would you want to talk about such stuff anyway?
Ed: ...cause they are my interests?
Friend: So, did you find anyone you can do that with?
Ed: If I have, I won't waste time talking this shit with you.
Friend: You need to put yourself out there.
Ed: Out, where? No..it is not natural.
Friend: Natural is to sit, grow old, die and rot. Some things need to be sought.
Ed: I have anxiety issues. I am shy.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Never mind. You don't understand.

And then we shuffled silently for a while to the holy land of the golden fries.
Some things are never meant to be rushed. Just let me be for a while, okay?


###

An Innocent (Wo)man

School is officially out. Well, until 26th December anyway. I'll take this 1 whole month to get to know myself a bit more. Nevertheless, I'm going to miss some folks.

Ah, such a happy problem.

-----

Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I'm not above
Making up for the love
You've been denying you could ever feel
I'm not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I'm only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before

Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it's easier to hate
Than to wait anymore

I know you don't want to hear what I say
I know you're gonna keep turning away
But I've been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I'm not above going through it again
I've not above being cool for a while
If you're cruel to me I'll understand

Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight
That's your decision
But I'm not below
Anybody I know
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love
I'm not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began

Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I'm not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man ~ An Innocent Man, Billy Joel

###

Why?

So fast.
Grow up.
I am still.
The same.

Say it, dammit!

Every now and then, there will be a song which, for no rhyme or reason, just breaks your heart.

No.....not on a Saturday night :(


###

I said no...no...no!

So...it's already November.
So...I am still alive.
So...I am still awake at 0225hrs on a Monday.

So Jing left for home in Pinas late September.

There goes another one of my buddies. One lesser human to go watch a movie or have meals with. Life...nothing is forever, isn't it?

Other than that, it has been a time-warp kind of situation in my life. Work was a little crazy recently, with the exam period and markings to be done. School was officially closed for the kids last Friday (yay for them!) but I still have 3 more weeks to go through before I get to stay away from my work desk. My first major vacation as a high school teacher. Interesting.

So next year, I will be teaching the Year 3s. That's upper level, for the do-not-knows. Quite surprised that the school is actually giving me such a task. After all, I only have a journalism/writing background. I guess, everyone is capable till proven otherwise. Si?

Oh, one more thing.

I have yet to get into trouble.
I have yet to get into jail.
Or rehab.
Or mental institute.

So help me, God.


###

Eid again

And it's here.
Hari Raya Haji...Eid-ul-adha.
May our fights and sacrifices...jihad and qurban...be accepted by the Beloved.

Amin.

Heyo

:) ###

Help me..help me....

Seasons in the sun

As some of you may know, the season has begun. American TV season, that is.

It means from now till about April next year, many of my nights will be spent with my nose stuck to my laptop screen, watching in rabid concentration as my favourite TV characters take centrestage.

What can I say...other than "I am a TV-addict"?

Who moved my cheese?

You?

To whoever, wherever, whenever.

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Oh well.


###

Souls to squeeze

Friends are like underwear.
Some crawl up your ass.
Some snap under pressure.
Some don't have the strength to hold you up.
Some get a little twisted.
Some are your favourites.
Some are cheap and just plain nasty.
And some actually do cover your ass when u need them too.

...

I love my friends :)


###

Wicked thing

The song...the dance.

So sexy.

###

Rivers and Roads

Two years late.


###

Tangy Tuesday

I decided to raid the fridge at around 2pm and well...just like the challenge on 'Masterchef', I began to whip something from the things I saw in front of me.

Only mine had the recipe for disaster. Haha.

Anyway, 30 mins later, I had a bowl of steaming rice in front of me, together with spicy beef stew with crunchy bean sprouts and carrots. Afraid that the stew would backfire in my face, I also had fish fillet to back me up.

The tangy stew turned out okay. A bit bland but nevertheless, spicy (bet you didnt know it's possible, right? kwa kwa kwa!). Since the fish was there, it wouldnt hurt to eat just one since it was already cooked anyway.

It's 3.30pm now.

I dont know what else to do.

Next one-week school break I must make sure I have a solid 7-day plan.

Counting sheep and stars

 

 

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars

I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find

Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

I feel something so right yet
doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn

 Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

And I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

---------

 

Story of my life.

 

###

Leonard Cohen afterworld

After 3 days of enduring mounting stomach pains, I hobbled to the clinic last night at 2230hrs, after visiting relatives.

Think my cousin's spicy 'Bamia' (something like beef rendang) and her multi-fruit salad (citric acid!) escalated the pain so much so that I could barely make it to my brother's place after that.

So yeah...on MC today. Tummy still hurts. Meds are taking a while to kick in. Boo.

The Taunt

A cheeky student tried to upset his classmate by messing around with my name.

Yeah.

I still cannot comprehend how it goes.

Happy Sunday, ya'll.

###

So why don't you kill me

Shit has hit the roof, I guess. It is a very sobering thought.

Think I must have mentally aged 20 years more in the last 4 months. I look at my prior existence with regret and a tinge of disdain.

All my mistakes are haunting me now. I am paying so dearly for them right now.

I admit my mistakes. God, please help me.

*sniff*

Blue blue

Brought some students out to Sentosa in the morning...to the SEA Aquarium. 4 hours later I was back with a massive headache.

But it did feel good to be away from the classroom.

First Syawal

Syawal, the month of victory and celebration, is finally here and though it is sad to see Ramadan go, it is time for us to strengthen ties and make amends with friends and relatives.

I had a great day with family. Hope you had a good day too.

Eid mubarak and to my dearest nation whom I love so dearly, Happy National Day.

###

Bila sebut pasal Raya

You know Hari Raya is fast approaching when the mother starts screaming incessantly and bossing everybody around.

The carpet is out. After a 3-year hiatus and hibernation in the store room, the mother has finally decided to give this carpet another chance. Hahaha. Oh the trouble I went through to get this carpet home.

 

I was on my way from Agra to Delhi (India) back in December 2008 when my transport stopped at a sleepy town (Himal Phradesh? Uttar Phradesh? Some Phradesh place if I am nog wrong. Eeks. Cant remember). There was a carpet factory there and I went in. An hour later, I came out with this carpet after some hardcore bargaining.

It was such a chore lugging it around. As I was just carrying a backpack, I couldnt stuff the carpet in my bag. So...I had to lug it on my shoulders. I swear I lost 1-2cm in height when I got back home.

Ah...travelling memories.

These feet are yearning again.

Soon.

###

Hanging out

Last few days of Ramadan. Glad I manage to catch them.

One of those nights when it is good to stay up and pray. Shall start after finishing my school work.

My Ramadan has been blessed so far. Not to say that it has been smooth-sailing but I think I manage to see the positive side of things.

Hope you are having a fruitful Ramadan as well.

###

Almost gone

Uh oh!
Time is running out!
Ramadan is now down to its last week!

No...not enough!


###

Keep calm and be special

We're entering the 8th day of Ramadan. It has been good so far...lots of challenges as usual but...well...nothing in life is easy, right?

 

Got my Hari Raya clothes already. Simple non-fancy stuff. Just the way I like it. Two sets this year, courtesy of the mother - orange and red. No new shoes, no new bags. Am not the sort to buy new bags and shoes for Eid every year. Clothes, yes. Other things, not really.

So, it's my 4th week of working at the new place and I'm about 1 week shy to getting my real pay 'cheque' in months (part-time/freelance work doesn't count!). So far, things have been interesting. Not really sure if they are good or bad but all I can say, things have been enriching and interesting. I am working with teenagers with special needs and there would be days when I would fear for their lives (and mine) and there would be days when I would be so angsty at society for not giving them enough opportunities to live their lives just like how normal people would live.

Colleague-wise, I have managed to form some close ties with a couple of peeps. Even though the pool of staff is big, everyone seems to have gotten their own cliques. Maybe that is one of the downsides of joining an organisation halfway into the year. Or maybe, I am just not friendly enough. But how can it be? I am Miss Congeniality, what!

Haha kidding. It doesn't bother me, seriously. I am still new, still finding my way around. And even when things do get tough, I always remind myself that I had spent 4 months unemployed and now, God has finally given me something which I have always wanted to do. So...smile and be thankful.

Now, what's for lesson tomorrow?

###

Funhouse

Nothing brings comfort like Prickly Heat Powder.

Especially after a long and sweaty day in school, after spending hours trying to contain chaos within a classroom.

Here's to many more tins.

###

Anxiety & panic

I am not one who is up for regrets. But, truth be told, I kind of miss working at TooMuchCrap.

This is the anxiety talking.
Second week of work awaits.

Students will be streaming in tomorrow. Already, I have been getting a fast and furious stream of emails in the last 1 week I've been employed there. Though I am eager to be a part of the team, I am so overwhelmed by the flow of information. I still cannot wrap my head around things.

It's 1230hrs and I can feel my stomach acting up. You see, I have anxiety issues and they manifest themselves into stomach cramps, nausea and insomnia. This anxiety disorder has been with me for 13 years, eversince I started work with Rediffusion. Having to get up for a live morning show gave me an adrenaline rush...which slowly became stress. Then came uni life and subsequent things. Everything came to a climax at MCorp. My anxiety/nerves went out of control. The manifestations became worrying and well, I had to put a stop to it.

So after 4 months of taking it easy (way too easy, as my parents might believe), I am dusting the trail back to anxiety. Some say I should just relax and let nature takes its course. It's a catch-22, really. I thrive on adrenaline but I dont know how to control before it goes to traumatic anxiety level.

I have yet to seek help. Right now, I am just using positive self-talk, religion and a bit of que-sera-sera to get me through the day. I am just hoping that things will soon start to fall into a pattern which I can settle into as painlessly as possible. As it is, planning what to wear can be a little stressful.

Breathes.

Okay. Time to prepare tomorrow's attire and it's time to call it a day.

Good luck to me.

###

Go forth

It has been a week. Everything is very overwhelming right now.

But...like Diana Ross says, there is "ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough" to keep you from your destination.

Question is...do you know where you're going to?

Clearly Diana Ross is messing with my head today.

Stop. In the name of love!

###

Something begins when something else dies

Life has a funny way of helping you out.

It was supposed to be my last weekend as a drifter and as I was drifting in and out of sleep on a clear and sunny Saturday afternoon - a rare case in the recent bout of hazy weather - I received a call from my cousin.

Queen E had passed on around 1530hrs. The mother and I stood in the living room for a while. We had planned to visit her around 1500hrs but at around 1430hrs, the father, who was on his way home from his morning work shift, told us to wait for him so that we could go together. Alas, it was not meant to be.

The father got home around 1600hrs, grabbed some batik cloths and towels and ran out of the door, heading to the hospital. The mother and I followed suit around 30 minutes later and reached the hospital around 1700hrs. Surreal to see Queen E lying there motionless.

The casket only came around 1830hrs and we all headed to my aunt's place at Tampines. There, the wake/vigil took place. Helped around with some preparations and my family returned home at around 0300hrs this morning for a quick rest and shower. By 0700hrs we were back at Tampines.





Flowers for Grandma

The funeral kickstarted around 0800hrs with the arrival of the funeral officers. The lady in-charge of cleaning Queen E's body signalled the start of the process and some female relatives, including the mother, the sister and myself, headed to the kitchen to assist her in preparing the body for the burial.

It was my second time participating in such preparation. The first was in Dec 2009 when my beloved Bibik passed away. Then, my role was more of an observer. This time round, I was more involved. More contact, you can say.

By 1030hrs, we were ready to leave for the cemetery. The mood was a mixture of sombre and relief. Sombre because..duh..death, relief because Queen E has gone to a better place. Insya-Allah, of course.

The brother and the cousin helping out with the burial.

By 1300hrs, everything was all done and dusted. Relieved that everything went on smoothly and that the weather too had been kind. The solidarity and love felt among relatives and friends were truly felt and I am thankful to my friends who reached out and gave comfort in this time of distress. May God return your kindness and see that you are well. Appreciate it.

Dear Nenek, Hajjah Neng Bte Ja'afar, may you have a smooth journey wherever you are going. May Allah protect you and always keep you safe and away from pain. May He place you among the good people and may He allow us to meet again when the right time beckons. Please forgive me for all those occasions in which I had been rude, disobedient or/and obnoxious. Forgive me for holding grudges against you. Forgive me for not spending enough time. As I grow older, I begin to understand how complicated life is and one should not accept or hear things at face value. So Nenek, I am sorry once again and I do hope for your fitful rest. Come Judgement Day, I hope to meet you again. I love you.

...


On another note...it is the day. After 4 months of no full-time employment, the day has come for that tag to expire.

Good evening, Miss Mona.

Last Friday night...

...as a full-time drifter and I chose to stay home. Bah.



Sleeping with Mario tonight, haze or no haze.

###

Bukan superstar

Spent some time with these people recently at a youth camp. They are still in their teenage years and a few can pass off as my kids.

I'm missing their zest already.

Though I was their group facilitator, they, on the other hand, taught me a thing or two about life.

May you all grow up well and be happy.

###

"Trained to be a leader...

...to fight for our land!"

Oh pfft.

As I get older, that song really gets on my nerves. Long gone are those days screaming the tune as I marched/ran/crawled up and down fields and parade squares as ordered by over-zealous instructors.

And no..I didnt even sign up to be in the army. Bah.

But anyway, that is not my point. The point is that in 3 hrs' time, I will be participating in a camp organised for 'at-risk' youths.

I cant remember when was the last time I attended a non-NPCC camp. It will be different. I wont have my rank to throw around and will have to rely on my (lack of) charm and luck.

Hope I wont fail as a facilitator. Hope no camper under my surveillance disappear or get into trouble.

Hope I can get along fine with other facilitators/instructors...people whom I just met once. Hope I dont pass off as too showy, or too cowardly, or too passive, or..well..too old.

Hope it rains tomorrow afternoon. Not so heavy it goes on for days, but heavy enough for the high rope obstacle session to be cancelled. Lord I hate those things.

I do, however, hope for sunny weather on Sunday for we will be having rafting and sea-based activities. The sun can shine for as long as it wants then.

Tsk. Such a troublesome person.

I guess ultimately, I just want to survive this without getting sick or injured. And have fun, of course.

Good luck everybody.


P/S: No electrical powerpoint at site for me to charge my phone!

Copa de la vida, si?

There's a 5am match later.



Minah nak 'step' Latina.

Tsk.


P/S: Hoping I use 'step' in the right Minah-speak.


###

We do what we do

Two weeks have flown and Nenek is still here at Changi Hospital. She experiences renal failure and ..to use a layman's term...is just waiting for her time to meet the Maker.

Yesterday we went to a maid agency and got a Burmese maid for her. Think if all goes well, the maid will be here by end of June. The hospital has gently told us to bring Nenek home. Since the maid is not here yet, think my dad and auntie will place Nenek in a home for a week or something.

Hai Nenek...may you be comfortable and free from worldly pains soon.

###

Are you lucky?

After Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines, this has to be my 'summer' anthem. And hey, hey, hey...what do you know?

Pharrell is here too.

Love you, Abang P.



Just wondering. If you're up all night trying to get lucky, then maybe, just maybe, you're up all night at the wrong place.

Just saying.

###

La ilaha illallah

I like Barca as a collective entity cause no individual is above team, even with regards to my most favourite players like Cantona, Solskjaer, Maradona and Ronaldinho.

And to liken Messi to 'god'...puh-leeze. He is a fantastic player but he has been proven to be kinda inefficient, just like everyone else, when the chips were done.

Case in point: Barca's last match in their last Champions' League game.

Nevertheless, welcome Neymar to Barca. Hope you have a good life and maybe, feel a tiny tinge of regret for not joining a certain Moyes and his team.

###

One of them

Just realised how preachy and self-indulgent the previous entry was.

One of those times you fell into the crevices of:
- Self-righteousness
- Sanctimoniousness
- Sententiousness.

Okay. Now I am just showing-off.
That is not the intention of this post.

Reality ch-ch-check it out.

###

Why so serious?

There are two types of leaders whom I know very well. The first group comprises those who lead by action and the second one comprises those who like to talk a lot, giving pep talk after pep talk. The latter sometimes ... well...why do you have to talk so much?

Fine. Maybe I am the people's leader. The kind who rises from the bottom and one whom everyone can relate to. I must, however, remember that not every leader is that way.

Had NPCC training earlier and I am quite perplexed at the behaviour of one of my instructors. He rather ended the training 20 minutes earlier just so that he could talk to the kids about their mistakes and other what-have-yous.

Why am I puzzled? I would rather we take the time to continue with our training, interacting and perfecting our skill on the ground. Well, we are not talking about war strategy. We are just doing footdrill. If you can pinpoint the mistakes immediately when you see them, the chances of being corrected immediately is higher. Plus, the kids did not have their pen and paper, nor did they have recording of their performance. Everything would be forgotten in a matter of minutes. So, if you see something wrong, correct it immediately.

Guess that is where we differ. Maybe he did not want to approach the erroneous execution there and then for fear of embarrassing some folks. But ah, there are skills to that. If one has that skill, one will not be afraid to use it. But...hmm..I guess that comes with experience.

I also find that many of these new-age instructors are way too serious, making the CCA such a chore to participate in. Other than having to iron their uniform, polish their boots and what-nots, some instructors asked them to write many reports, journals, etc. Sure, these are good practices and would instil thoughfulness in the cadets but in this hectic time of existence, it may take a toll on some students.

CCA is meant to be fun. Of course the students should learn something along the way but to me, it has to be fun so that their attention can be retained. Once we've gotten their attention, we can bring in dedication, aspiration and then, excellence. You cannot jump from basic participation (for the sake of being forced to have a CCA) to excellence. There are pitstops along the way and many 'perished' along that road because the journey is no longer fun. It has become a dreadful chore; a burden too heavy to carry on top of school load, family and puberty. And soon the interest wanes and eventually...

I am not a fierce instructor or teacher. I dont rule by fear and I dont step into a situation demanding respect. When you take that role, you tell yourself, it is not you who seek fame or glory (or whatever hoopla cheesy term you want to call it). It is truly a sacrificial role. You impart everything you know hoping that someone can take that knowledge higher than the notch you had climbed before. You must establish relationship and be open to the trainees.

Get real. We are not training foot soldiers who will roll out tanks and dishing out machine guns. We are training teenagers who are looking for something fun and educational to fill up their time and hopefully, become a better person while they are at it. Let it be fun and joyful. Smile a little. Share your life a little. And, laugh a lot.

Sure, you have to met out punishment when the discipline goes out of hand. But you must bear in mind, what are the learning experiences gained by making people do 50 push-ups? Explain to them why they have to do the punishment. If the relationship establishment is right from the start, there will be no need for that, I am sure.

So...why so serious?

###

Fishy

Something is wrong with my sister.

Either she is dying...or I am.

Hah. Okay. I'm kidding.

But..wtf..she climbed onto my bed to hug me. And then she fell asleep.



###

Kids play

Orange is the day.


###

Little pieces

After 4 days of helping a friend tend her booth at the Motherhood Exhibition down at Singapore Expo, I am in need of a little peace and quiet. Stay away from the madding (and maddening) crowd.

The idea brought me back to Nyaungshwe. I was on the last leg of my Burma 'tour de force' and I had no idea of what was to be expected at Nyaungshwe.

The day I got there, I spent the afternoon walking. I walked into a settlement, a little village. Families were gossiping at the verandah, fathers were teaching sons how to repair their 'sampan', etc.

We all exchanged smiles, me being curious about their easy-breezy lifestyle and they being curious why this weirdly dressed Asian sister ended up in their backyards and taking pictures of herself near their toilets.

I found a little spot by the river and parked my tired ass there. It was quiet on my side, but bustling on the other. It was my perfect moment. I could sleep there until another person found the same spot.

This traveller from Xiamen, China, sat beside me quietly. I started a conversation because I am the kind of person who would. I am not a great chatter but I do enjoy a little conversation and after 5 days of travelling alone, a good conversation seems god-send.

So after a quick chat, the traveller (whose name is Guo Xiong) and I sat peacefully by the river till he stood up to leave. I left not long after and on my way back, I strolled past a huge paddy field and saw a glorious sight.

The sun was setting nicely down the plains, covering the land with a strong orange glow. The children who lived near the field were desperately playing to their hearts' content and trying to chase the last ray of light. So were the ducks, furiously paddling up and down the stream in the tangerine light.

I stood there for a while, trying to put myself in the places of the children and their mothers who were waving and smiling at me. They must have gotten this everyday...silly travellers gawking into their lives with expressions bordering between wistfulness and disdain (for the lack of modernity).

And as the day turned dark, I made my way back to my abode, a rickety chalet-like room with minimal amenities, stopping earlier at an eatery for a quick dinner.

There I met the traveller from Xiamen and his two friends. We began to converse in Mandarin about how expensive the food at the eatery was but laughed at ourselves for being idiots because we chose to be there for its free wifi :)

Okay...such a long post for a 2-3hr non-event. If I were to compile the memories of my Burma travel (or any travel for that matter), it would be a never-ending reading material with a lot of thoughts, perspectives, what-ifs and comic encounters. Very self-indulgent. Like now. So I better stop.

###

Again.

Okay. I am loving the length of the wig. Guess I'll be keeping my hair long then. I feel young with this 'do.

Urgh.

Can my hair grow to this length by next week?

###

Fake

Wearing my sister's cheap wig.

You should see my mom in it.

Or maybe not.

Nightmare.

###

Who got a gun?

Janie!


Ladies and gentlemen...Aerosmith!

I was swimming with Jing at Yio Chu Kang around 5pm when Sheda told me her hubby had to forego a pair of Aerosmith tickets because he had a work meeting to attend to...and she asked if I wanted them. The catch was that I had to collect the tickets from Syah (Sheda's hubby) at Robertson Quay.

I called my dad to see if he was interested to go. Alas, he said it was too last minute and he was tired and groggu from his nap. Lucky Jing could accompany me. Yay.

After a quick dinner, Jing and I cabbed down to Robertson Quay (7.45pm), got the tickets, cabbed to Gardens By the Bay (8.15pm) and was ready in the 'arena' by 8.20pm.

The opening act - Euphoria Audio (eeks what a name!) - did a 30-minute stint. They were okay, maybe bordering on trying-too-hard, I feel. But maybe that is just me.

Steve Tyler and gang only appeared at 9.40pm. Gosh. When they finally appeared, all was forgiven, I guess. He pranced, preened and playfully flirted with the audience. His voice...well..CD-like quality. His face? Well-stretched and leathery, haha.

It all ended two hours later and boy, I am glad to finally be home. After my 7km run yesterday, the swim earlier and standing/jiggling around for two hours at the concert, my legs really feel busted.

Time to rest these old bones.

...but there's the Champion's League final. Urgh.


###

Verdict

It all boiled down to these - two academic institutions, one edutainment centre.

I have made up my mind and will go with one of the institutions instead. I'll be back dealing with teenagers and young adults and I cannot wait to get the party started. I chose this because the location is near home and I can save a lot on transport.

Of course, I also believe in nurturing the young, sharing values and experiences with them. I think, even though I will be an educator, I will really learn a lot from these special ones as well. And although my holiday plans will be compromised (my leave days fall on school holidays), I still feel that it will all be worthy in the end :)

 

Watch out.

Miss Mona is back.

 

 

###



Those days

Throwback...TMC days.

Young and free then.

Memories :)

###

Absence of light is the necessary part

Perth was wonderful as always. Got reacquainted to old things and introduced to the new ones. Will I ever get sick of Western Australia? Are you kidding me? I still haven't explored many of the places there.

But you know what the best parts were?

In sequence:
- to find your dad waiting at the arrival gate even though it was almost midnight
- to see your dad buying for you Mcnuggets even though it was almost midnight
- to get news that you've gotten 3 job offers upon switching on phone at midnight
- to discuss life with your dad at McDonalds, over Mcnuggets, at midnight.

The best part of travelling for me?

The part where I come home :)



###

Perth story

Day 2 in Perth and I could not pass up the chance to have a little lie-down session at the beautiful park down in Fremantle.

Just chilling today. Went to the market, bought some nuts, headed to Cicerello's for seafood chowder and just roamed around. Life is good. No money to shop...but good otherwise.

Day 1 saw me 'lepak'-ing at a new place - Hillarys Boat Harbour. First time I came to this place and boy, I am in love.

The laidback vibe..the water..the boats and the various eateries are just great sighta for sore eyes I cant wait to bring my parents here. They would love it. Think they will not want to go home!

Tomorrow, I shall head to Busselton. I have been there before but only for a while. Tomorrow I will spend the wholw afternoon there.

Hope the great weather remains.
17C, ya'll!

###

Rejeter

6th one.

Though my eyes deny the mist, my heart is weeping and bleeding from the cuts. Afterall, there is only so much pain a soul can take.

I have always been rational and collected. Though I do have crazy impulses once in a while, I usually like to live my life in a systematic order (it may get chaotic but there is still order).

But no matter how much I plan, how many alternative solutions and conclusions I have, they are mean jack squat without His will.

So God, I have done my best.
Now...please guide me to see what is ahead.

:(


###

Burst

Read.

http://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/date-a-boy-who-travels/

Whoever and wherever you are, I just want to say this:

My passport and I are ready.


###

Cause you're not it

Damn you.

###

Home

:)

Great years...and greater ones ahead

Thank you, Alex Ferguson.

Now, go enjoy the vacation you have rightfully deserved. No more suffering with the team *nudge nudge*.

I'll miss our late nights together...you at the dugout chewing your gum, me by the TV chewing my nails.

Live your life.
Be well.

###

Ibuku

"Bonda, akhirnya terbongkar jua rahsia tangisan dan gurindam keramat kasih sayangmu."

I love you, Mak.

###

Meeting your mother

Seriously, Robin?

No, Ted.

Walk away. Dont turn back. Walk away.

###

Sister's keeper

Wow. Three months passed so fast. Seems like it was yesterday that I was slaving away, fearing that I might just keel over and die from anxiety attacks at my work desk.

Yes, I did feel that way and while you might think that I was being overdramatic - how tough could the life of an entertainment writer/paparazzi be? - I cannot deny that was how I really felt day-in and day-out. Consumed by anxiety, paranoia and with self-esteem of an unpopular, pimply fat kid with a poofy outlandish dress at senior prom. When all these internal grievances manifested themselves into physical pains and diseases, I knew it was time to stop.

Actually I was expecting to go back to full-time employment in April. But pfft...like that did happen. Some hits and (mostly) misses I am experiencing but I am glad the parents are really not nagging. Well, they are not but my bills and medical invoices are screaming to be paid. So yes, the shenanigans have to stop real soon. Besides, time spent at home is time wasted not travelling. And for me, it is via travelling that I get to enrich myself. Bloody vicious circle of life, I must say.

Anyway, I am travelling down under in about 10 days' time. It's a bizarre situation, really, and under normal circumstances, I wouldnt even dare to dream of going back to Perth. However, this is not a normal circumstance because it involves my godsister, the ever eccentric Bee.

Bee has been working her ass off for 2 years (dont doubt me; she usually works at least 12 hours a day, 7 days a week...except when she is on staycation during public holidays or festive seasons) and she really needs her break before she turns cuckoo. She was supposed to go to Scandinavia with a couple of friends but they couldnt make it in the end and a heavy workload doesnt allow her to escape beyond a week. Next best choice for her is to head to Perth cause she loves that city and there are a few places in Western Australia she has been dying to go to.

So yes, she chose Perth. However, Bee is the sort who doesnt like to travel alone and would like to have a companion with whom she can share her thoughts with. She knew how much Perth meant to me and so, she invited me along on her adventure. Strangely, she only asked me an hour after she purchased her flight ticket online. Hah. Her messages/calls roused me from slumber. We didnt even discuss the date (she's going on the 18th-24th May). But those were not the big issues. The issues were:

- I am unemployed
- I dont have spare cash (well, technically, I dont know when my $$ will run out!)
- My parents will kill me if they know I'm going away cause I tell them I have no $$
- I have a medical appointment with TB Clinic on the 22nd
- (Have I said it already?) I am unemployed

So in my groggy state, I was somewhat arguing (at least that's what I could remember myself rambling about) with her but she said she really didnt want to be all alone and she knew how much I really love Perth. She said she would pay for the airfare, accommodation, everything. I just had to turn up at the airport, with some clothes and passport, and just fly away. She, however, couldnt argue about my medical appointment. So she said...4 days (18th-21st) of companionship was better than none at all and after I were to fly back, she said she would join a 3-day tour somewhere with other people. Wow. How could I top that enthusiasm? How could I say no?

Anyway, before you say anything or judge me, you must understand the relationship Bee and I have. We are like siblings. In fact, I am closer to her than my own brother now. I know more of her sorrows and joys than her own family do. I will die for her and so will she, for me. Of course I will pay her back for this trip when I am financially comfortable, even though she said I dont have to. So yeah...

I remember on one of her many staycation adventures, for some reason I couldnt make it for the first day of her 3-day hotel stay. When I met her on the following day, I found out that she did not sleep the whole night because (in her words) she was up watching tv and doing some work. However, I knew the real reason. She was scared to sleep alone. She was afraid someone would break into the hotel room while she was asleep. I remember her being slightly pissed cause I couldnt be there earlier. Though sometimes I feel like she is emotionally blackmailing me, but like family, we all just want to be together and know that we all have each other's back.

So hey. I am going to Perth in 10 days' time. While I am still jobless.

Duh.
No shopping.

###

You've got prawn-ed

Great Sunday.

That is all.

###

Blue blood

Happy Friday, ya'll.

###

Fortune's fool

What? This caught me off-guard. I thought, after Luhrmann's 1996 gem -- which is my #1 favourite movie of all time -- attempting to do a Romeo and Juliet flick in its original context will be boring. But, let's see. From the trailer, Hailee Steinfeld doesn't seem to have the charisma that Claire Danes had back then. But yes, we'll see.

Will I see it? Well, will I not watch my most favourite Shakespeare tragedy? No brainer. Spoiler or not (hah!), Luhrmann's or not, I'd watch it. Now, let's wait.

“Is love a tender thing?
It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous;
And it pricks like thorn.”

###

Golden boy

And Robin van Persie, with his hat trick, brought the trophy back home to Old Trafford.

Hooooray!

###

Tonight

We bring the baby home.

Home!


###

Attention

Officer Mona reporting for duty.

Dusty uniform and just realised...my ranks are out of date.

###

After 2 years...

...the uniform feels so uncomfortable.

###

Ouch much?

"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure.

"Now they are complaining they are unemployed," said Prince Philip.

Touche.

###

Atomic remix 2013

I was awake when news about the Boston blasts came in. Two people died, with one being an 8-year-old child.

On the other side of the world, almost 40 Iraqis have passed on.

It's not an equal world, just as I had studied in my politics class. Some people are more equal than the others. Some lives are just cheaper. We can argue, we can fight but it is not going to change mankind who always look for something to attack and conquer since the time of Adam.

Of course we strive to be civilised and thoughtful, but we cannot expect a universal acceptance or paradigm, for the very thing that makes us human is the freedom to do what we deem right.

In the meantime, on this part of this world, two new pimples just made an appearance on my face.

###

Stalking love

This evening, I ended up at Tiong Bahru Plaza for my late lunch. This place is kind of growing on me and though I must say there are many peculiar people on this part of the earth (haha!), the vibe is kind of charming.

Charming...like this couple sitting in front of me.

Hope they are a real hubby-wife combo, not an adulterous pair having a soiree.

###

Carry on

Two months of official unemployment.

One month of medication.

A little listless, a little jaundiced.

Side effects.

###

Whenever I'm alone...

I thought this season's American Idol has been a ... blah. And I have been right. But the last performance by Candice Glover was awesome. Damn. That is not even the right word.



Now Blake Lewis had done a take on that before. I loved it then and...I love it now. Candice's version is different and surreal. The Cure should be very very happy.

###

Naivete

So that was the look I saw many years ago.

Back then I wondered why. Was it something I did or didn't do? Did I do something wrong? Was I such a bad person that you perpetually had to wear that look?

Now, thanks to TV shows (yes, I'm a pop junkie...sue me!), I just found out what's with the face. It was guilt. Guilty all along.

Wow. I was so clueless.

Tsk.

###

Will die on the road

"But that's the glory of foreign travel, as far as I am concerned. I don't want to know what people are talking about.

I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything. Suddenly you are five years old again. You can't read anything, you have only the most rudimentary sense of how things work, you can't even reliably cross a street without endangering your life.

Your whole existence becomes a series of interesting guesses."

― Bill Bryson, Neither Here Nor There: Travels in Europe

###

17

Day 17...many, many more days to go.

By the way, if I am not wrong, it is about 100 days to Ramadhan.

###