I take it back. There is still one thing I want to do before I die...that is to be a professional travel writer or a tour guide.
For the latter, I hope it's for the Malay/Muslim market where I can bring people beyond the region and head out to the roads less travelled. Like the Serengeti or Ipanema, for example.
I hope this can happen soon. Apart from becoming a magistrate and a scientist, I think I have tasted the professions of my childhood dreams (in varying degrees and durations of course) and I feel very blessed of course...but this yet-to-come one will be my greatest profession, I think.
...that is if you dont consider being a wife/ mom as the greatest job of all. That one is something I cannot control. The rest, I can find my way around it.
Hmmm...how does one become a travel guide? A fantastic one, that is?
I need to sort this fast. Hope to achieve it by 35.
Next September, a friend (a former student) is getting married in Italia and she has invited me to join the merry-making. I've picked up the offer cause, well, it coincides with my Italia 2012 plan anyway. So, great, everything fits...for now.
She's getting married in Chianti, Tuscany.
More specifically...here.
So exciting.
Operation Save Money starts..erm..in January.
Was watching My Fair Wedding with David Tutera in the afternoon...and didnt fail to make me cry. No, not becausee of my swinging singlehood life, lah okay..because..well, weddings are beautiful. And David always go over the top with weddings. So magical.
Anyway, a guy friend asked to hang next week. I clammed up. Created some excuse and logged off. No...not good. This is not good. I will never get a date if this were to go on.
Or is it because I really like...girls?
Hahahahaha.
No.
I think.
No.
Girls annoy me.
Boys scare me.
Asexual? Noooooo.
Maybe it's not obvious but I do have deep love for dance/electro/trance music. Deep deep love and my favourite people have always been Above & Beyond...
...and with my deepest regret, I actually missed them last night when they performed down at Zouk. Firstly, I was blindsided by their KL show on Deepavali and it didnt hit me that they would be here. Secondly, I dont have any friends who share this deep passion of mine.
Okay. I only have 2 excuses. Next time they are here, I swear I'll go alone. There's no space for shyness when it comes to achieving the things you want to do. If I can club alone, I swear the next thing I'm going to do is to travel the world alone.
In the meantime, here's something epic which I had missed.
Ed Sheeran's my latest musical crush right now and this song is beautiful.
Having Ron Weasley is a big plus :)
I'm gonna pick up the pieces,
And build a Lego house
When things go wrong
We can knock it down
My three words have two meanings,
There's one thing on my mind
It's all for you
And it's dark in a cold December
But I've got ya to keep me warm
And if you're broken I'll mend ya
And keep you sheltered from the storm
That's raging on
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now
I'm gonna paint you by numbers
And colour you in
If things go right we can frame it
And put you on a wall
And it's so hard to say it
But I've been here before
Now I'll surrender up my heart
And swap it for yours
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now
Don't hold me down
I think my braces are breaking
And it's more than I can take
And if it's dark in a cold December,
but I've got ya to keep me warm
And if you're broken I'll mend ya
And keep you sheltered from the storm
That's raging on
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now - Lego House, Ed Sheeran
Just got wind that I will be sent to Hong Kong in November for a sponsored trip by HK Tourism Board. As this is a work trip, my itinerary will be determined by the sponsors. Not only that, I will be there with a celebrity and his/her family...shadowing them as they are paid to enjoy themselves.
It must be fun to be them. Haha.
I would have been sent to Jogjakarta this Thursday to Saturday but I kind of have made prior plans. I would be meeting Dita Von Teese this Friday and Saturday and therefore, I'd give Indonesia a miss. That's a good thing cause as much as I love Indonesia, meeting Ms Von Teese face to face is a very rare chance.
And she will perform her Martini burlesque dance for me this Saturday.
I took the following picture during one of the NDP rehearsals. I was at Marina Bay Sands chilling when the rehearsal was taking place. Wanted to take picture of the helicopter but the father-son combo was blocking me and I was too lazy to move. So I formed my shot around them.
The result? I kind of like the fact that I can build a story out of this.
Plus, I also like the fact that the setting sun is captured in this shot. I can feel the heat just by looking at it. Can you?
Wow...guess my last rambling took a bit of a toll.
Nothing much has happened. November issue has been closed and relief has seeped in. Not that it will last for long but right now, I'll take it.
It has been a while since I last talked about a movie, hasnt it? I remember I used to give in-depth (well, more than a line or two, that's for sure) review about movies which I had seen, complete with photos and quote-worthy dialogues. Remember those times? Weren't they great? Haha.
But things slowly stopped, yeah? Not that I find it trivial now but somehow, I cant be arsed anymore. Not that I have a bagful of readers anyway. Who am I? Hemmingway?
Pretentious.
Anyway, I saw a few movies lately - The Change-up, Real Steel and Midnight In Paris. Of all three, I enjoyed Real Steel the best. I couldnt even recall what possessed me to watch The Change-up in the first place. I should have known better.
Midnight In Paris was just a Woody Allen's indulgence. He should just stick to the heartaches in New York and not go all pretentious in France. Granted the storyline is good but it seemed like he was hell-bent in showing so many "famous faces" of the 1920s that he forgot to develop what he was so famously known for - witty dialogues and neurosis. The movie, like this blog entry, has so many beau geste but seriously lacks heart.
I blame Facebook and my profession for not doing this often enough. Facebook takes all the fun in posting pictures and my profession...it creates the dread in writing.
Ironic, isnt it?
I thought my passion was writing and when I finally got into this job and company, I thought I had it made. How ignorant of me. I feel like a 21-year old all over again...few months entering my first real job. A job which I thought I had it made back then; a job in the radio.
I guess at 31 and for a perceived over-achiever, I have to eat humble pie. Being criticised and pushed around. It doesnt help that I am not confrontational at all. Though I can make a good soldier, I can never be a master tactician or a strategist. You know why...cause when it comes to the crux, I always chicken out. I get sick to the stomach...I space out and cut off from everything and everyone.
And then...the melancholia sets in. It's all self-induced, really. All our sickness...it's mostly self-induced. My sorrow? Self-induced, cause no one owes my anything.
What I need to do is to have a louder voice telling me to take charge over my body. Dont listen to it when it tells me shut down, to space out or to cut away from things which dont go as plan. Speak up and fight for myself.
I grow up being told by the parents that I was rude,brash and difficult because I argued a lot. I got punished whenever I tried to defend myself. "Act of defiance," they said. So I grew up learning to shut up. Occasionally something would be done in an act of rebellion but ... nah ... seldom a confrontation.
How the hell did I get into this job? Haha.
God always have funny tricks for me.
I get it, God.
You're so funny.
...and now I am rambling.
My sole purpose was to just share a reflection. HAd to cover the marriage of a celebrity last week at a neighbouring country and the wedding, which was held in conjunction with an educational programme on culture, was also complemented with a bridal exhibition at a mall nearby. Plus last Tuesday was Clara's wedding and so...unfortunately to say, I'm slightly OD on weddings.
Anyway, I am rambling again...
So I have this friend whom I've known since I was young and he started to ramble recently about not being married and all that shit. I was so worried that he might suggest us getting together. I think I was over-thinking, perasan even but the thought did come and it made me panic.
I dont know why and how the panic came. I mean, he's a fine person...he has enough limbs and his 5 senses are working. He has no criminal record and he's earning (whatever it is that he's doing) and we do have common interests. Any random person will tell me not to be picky and why not have him as ...(whatever I want him to be, I guess). But the thought of being with him, or with any men send a chill down my spine.
It's 5am.
I am over-thinking.
But allow me to ramble.
People always say that a best partner is one who starts out as a good friend but...I cannot seem to be able to grasp that idea. If you're a friend, then you're a friend. If you're a sex buddy, are you really a friend? I dont know. That's not my point. My point is, how can I be physically close, intimate even, to a friend?
By the way...this is just me.
Men just scare me.
Many times I had to auto shut down my PC or crash close my chat logs with some guys just because I panicked when things got to personal.
Dont get me wrong. I love men and I can imagine all the things I can do to them but they scare the shit out of me when we are not doing all the things I want to do to them (hahaha, are you still with me?).Is this about commitment? Or is it just plain awkwardness? Or high anxiety disorder?
Maybe it's the latter. Or the first. Or everything.
I am not sure if I want a relationship..or a fling..or anything. I dont like complications. Everything becomes complicated in the end and I hate that. It's like A Maths and Accounts. They all started off easy - Algorithms and P/L accounts. Then shit hit the roof later on.
Maybe I havent met someone right. People say when you meet the right person, everything falls into places.
But I'm just afraid that I'll never meet such person because of my cutting-away demeanour, not letting anyone in. But the thing is, I let some people in and they werent pleasant.
It isnt about not being able to let go. I let go...but I dont want it to happen again and again and again.
Ah.
I'll just marry a a TV.
P/S: This is a total waste of your reading time. My apologies.
