I was sharing with the peeps over the weekend about my secondary school life and well, it hit me. I was one of the mean girls.
Actually..not true. I take it back. I may look mean but seriously, I was everyone's friend. Or so I think. They could all be afraid of me, for all I know.
Yeah the incident during Sec 2 really shook me up from my little innocent and sheltered world. Not everyone was as trusting or as decent as they looked. Especially those menacing seniors who watched you like a vulture waiting to savage your carcass. They were all waiting for me at the gate and they sized me up and started their verbal attack. They picked the right time, I tell you, for there was no one to witness the incident. I stood there like a stone...not sorry for what I had done for I did the right thing (however, not the smartest thing). After they were done with their verbal diarrhoea, most of them left...leaving 1 of them behind.
That 1 important person who stayed behind then pulled me aside and within 10 minutes taught me some valuable lessons in my teenage life. She said a lot of things that made me wake up from my Barbie world. Slowly. she then groomed me to be the bitch. However, she said..it's a new breed. A bitch with a heart, she said. "Only mess with those who deserved to be fucked around," she said.
So yeah...I led a double life back at school. i was a model NPCC cadet and on the other hand, I was a nightmare of a prefect. I was the decent Malay LDDS girl, but a mean girl in the cheerleading squad. The only time I was just me was when I was alone in the middle of the school field doing my track and field training all by myself...with the sports coaches looking from afar.
Anyway, I dont know. Karma hasnt bitten my hard yet. I know it will come eventually. Just feel the need to appy polly logy (apologise, lah!) to those poor people I had terrorised. Those who I had inadvertently slammed due to their inefficiencies and deficiencies back then.
And oh..to those girls whom I had to snip their hair off, I wasnt sorry because I was doing it in the name of duty. I do, sincerely, apologise to those who were injured under my training during sports and NPCC training.
I also want to apologise to the school keepers and wardens. Somehow the idea of cutting fences was cooler than climbing the back gate. Also, I am sorry. Sometimes the dustbins were overturned or shifted. It must have been those days when I was so pissed and needed a sparring partner.
I remember there was this day I was very angry over something. I think it was the lady discipline mistress who could have pissed me off. We never saw eye to eye and I knew she hated me. I ran down the stairs and punched the notice board beside the canteen. The board didnt break though..but I had a cut. I was a very angry person back then.
Oh well.
School ended and I guess...it was the end of my angst. I had to go for a 3-week NPCC inspector training and it was hell for me. I didnt know anyone and I had to be ordered around like a stupid idiot. What's worse, I busted my knee during the last week of training at Pulau Ubin and was on painkillers throughout. I hated the instructors and hated those enthusiastic people who were so shiny-happy and optimistic. But oh well...as luck turned out, there were a few nice people and we had great friendships for the next 10 years.
What's my point again?
Not all bad and angry people will remain that way forever.
(emailed)
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