Sometimes I run

I stayed away for more than a year. I thought blogging my heart out and insisting on not keeping it private was an indulgence which I could learn to do without.

Almost 14 months later and here I am.

What have I been doing?

I have been building my house. 3 months after my last entry, I signed the ownership agreement to my own 3-room cave about 2kms away from my parents. I slowly transported my stuff over and with the help of my parents and friends, I made the hole in the wall a place of my own.

I managed to catch up with Jing and Des in El Nido, Palawan. Haven't met them in ages and we spent some time hanging out by the pool.

I officially moved into my house in mid November, a few days before my sister's wedding. The wedding was one of the triggers of my 'migration'. No...not because I was bitter of her marriage but because I think she needed the space. We had been sharing the room since forever and since her matrimonial house would only be ready in 2018..I guess it's easier that I moved. Besides, at 36, I shoud be on my own.

And 2017 came.

That's another story for another day.

I will be back.

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Leaving

It had been a pretty chaotic time in Toronto and Montreal...and behold, I am now in Toronto Airport on my way home, en route to Tokyo.

Yikes.

Where did the time go?

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To.Ron.To

Finally landed in Toronto at 9.30pm and voila...Abby was waiting for me :)

Took a $50 cab ride to my accommodation and after finding a diner nearby, Abby and I split ways. She has work tomorrow so she has got to go home. I walked back in the drizzle...stoned on the couch for a while..showered and then, it's Netflix time.

Okay. Let's plan where to go tomorrow.

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Peking duck

(Written on 4th June 2016, 6pm, Beijing/Singapore time)

Am in Beijing Airport right now...waiting for my connecting flight to Toronto. Flight got delayed and so I have no choice but to convert my Canadian bucks to Renminbi. Things look expensive here in Beijing. :(

Gonna be a 12hr journey to Toronto. Not so bad. I hope Air Canada has better movie selections than Air China. I was just trying to force myself to sleep earlier...to no avail.

Damn this airport is boring.

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Lemonade

It has come to this.

Me blogging about how much I miss my nieces.

Time spent with her was just too short yesterday.

Oh well.

.........................................

Obviously I did not mention that 15 days ago, I signed a contract indicating my interest in purchasing an apartment. In 6 days' time, if nothing goes wrong, I will sign another contract confirming the house is mine. The cost of the house is around $350K and I am using my CPF + HDB loan for it.

It will be my own property...probably the only one I'll ever have this lifetime. Though the initial plan is to move in with my parents, this has to be put on hold. Our current house, due to the racial quota system, is still unsold after being in the market for a year. So, the parents decide to stay put for around two more years and after that, they will join me. Why two more years? Because the father got a two-year career extension as a government officer and in his words, he "wants the house money when he retires" so that he doesn't have to worry.

Well. His house, his rules.

So, yeah. My own house and I'll be on my own for 2 years, but then, it is not that I mind having my parents stay with me also. I am rarely at home anyway. Hah.

But...ah...it's going to get interesting.
And scary.
Bills bills bills.

xxx

Taking my own life

Dear Bloggie,

It has been a while. My Perth trip was about 5-6 weeks ago and my next trip is 5-6 weeks away. Of course, shitloads of stuff are happening from now till then.

Anyway, what transpires this entry?

Nothing much...but just need to get it on 'paper' (virtual or otherwise).

I used to think that someone will find me and show me the way to the right path. You know...the Deen. But, it has been 4 years since I am ready to get on 'the yellow brick road' and I guess...I think... I will have to make my own way to the Deen.

Cause, if I continue to wait, I may just die on the sidewalk.

And I cannot be with my Grandmas
And my auntie
In heaven.

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Freo-doodle-day

I arrived in Perth at dusk yesterday and after settling into the apartment, I took a walk around the city...shops were already closed, nothing new. Anyway, nothing has changed. The homeless were still there.

Day 2 and after much lazing around, here I am sitting at a Japanese cafe with a teriyaki bento set in front of me. Ingrid (a colleague who's here on holiday) asked to meet but I am not done being alone. Will I ever?

Okay. Later.

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Too long to stay, too short to leave

I can no longer look at you.

Not because I hate the way you look but it's just getting a little painful that I have to look away.

For my own sake.

Yes.

I am selfish that way.

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20 January

It didn't happen then and it didn't happen now.

Cause we're just a speck of dust.

All I wanted was just a text or an acknowledgement from my parents.

Wow.

Cold.

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36

I guess no on will love you deeply like a child loving her mom.

I also guess you cannot give anyone as much love as you would give your child.

So, my love lives and dies with me.

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A life. Alive.

Hitting another wall of my life.

This will be my 4th wall and I think it will  complete the room of my life.

2002
2006
2013
2016

Urgh.
I feel sick.

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Don't go chasing waterfalls

First post for the year.

Last year marked the beginning of the slow death of my blog. I was uninspired and tired. Well, it's the 6th day of 2016 and ...well...I'm still uninspired. Will do something about this, that's for sure.

All in due time.

Anyway...what have I been doing? Hah. Had an epic journey to Eastern Europe last month where I finally got to see the Danube river, something I had been wanting to see since I was a teenager.

10th December 2015 saw Lauren and me setting off to Munich, Germany. It was not a pleasant ride but, oh well, we managed to land safely and all. Munich was foggy but was not as cold as we expected. We managed to go see Neuschwanstein castle (among many other things), catch up with Meiting who  flew in from London and also watch a football match between Bayern Munich and Ingolstadt.

5 days later, we bundled on a train and choo-chooed ourselves to Prague, Czech Republic. Stayed in a cool apartment with a rooftop view offered AirBnB. Charles Bridge was of course on the itinerary, together with the madness that was the Prague Castle. The highlight of the trip was our evening at the opera house. Managed to watch 'Christmas at the Movies' and it was a fantastic, eargasmic experience.

Three nights later, we packed our bags again and toot-tooted our way to Vienna, Austria. Saw many old buildings like St Stephen's Cathedral and the Natural History Museum (which I love cause there are real dinosaur bones in there!) but my most favourite was the majestic Rathaus or Town Hall, simply because it had the most exciting and prettiest Chrismas market I'd ever seen. The food was the best of the lot and the soup breads were yummy. Goulash, anyone?

The last leg saw us heading to Budapest, Hungary where, personally, I found love. Well, with the place that is. The thick fog that enveloped us most of the time made it look more romantic. Out of all the places we went, going up the Castle Hill, loitering outside the magnificent Parliament Building, shopping at the Central Market and taking a dinner cruise on the Danube were utmostly memorable. Tiring? You bet it was but pressed on we did.

Anyway, it's already the 3rd day of school and things, as expected, are running wild and chaotic. Hope the situation will stabilise soon cause I am not one for chaos and disorder. Being an introvert and surrounded with many humans and noise ...not good for my well-being, haha.

Oh.
I'm turning 36 in 2 weeks' time.
Holy cow.

That aside, I bought a ticket to Jakarta over the CNY period. Bought on a whim cause I didnt want to waste my long break. So...get ready for me, JTown!

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Hey, it's been a while

For you, there'll be no more crying.
For you, the sun will be shining.
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.

To you, I'll give the world.
To you, I'll never be cold.
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score.
And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world.
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing, like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before, like never before, like never before.

- Songbird, Christine McVie

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Good for you

Today, I made my way in my ill-fitting uniform to Home Team Academy to attend an Award Ceremony. I am getting my 5-year service medal today.

5-year service...only because the next category is 12.

I spent 10 years as an instructor and then 9 years as an officer. So maybe...if I am still in this, I will get the next service award in 3-4 years.

Hmm.
Interesting.

Fever!

As it is, I seldom have the opportunity to blog but tonight I'll make an exception.

I have been quite apathetic towards the opposition ever since JBJ died and Chiam See Tong ..well...becomes what he is now. However, my spirit is renewed this year after seeing Chee Soon Juan back on the saddle, with much maturity, composure and 'semangat'.

I caught his first 2015 rally 'live' at Choa Chu Kang Stadium last week and well, it was worth the trip. He was full of conviction but polite, on point without being crass. He was a true gentleman speaker, nothing like his offensive, fiery manner of the past. But, don't mistake the lack of angst for toothlessness for the fire is still there. Chee Soon Juan, you have heart's vote.

Will I vote for the oppo down in my constituency?
Do I want to see Ang Mo Kio boys Roy Ngerng and M. Ravi in parliament?
Shh.
My vote is secret.
Apparently.

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A milli a milli...

Oh my dear Blogspot!

It's 10th of Ramadan already and also, it's my last weekend before school resumes this Monday. My June has been quite interesting, with me exploring Vietnam and going back to Krabi, this time with my Mom. I was away for almost half of June. Now, I need to lie low financially...

...but that is going to be hard cause Hari Raya is around 20 days away.

Low key Hari Raya as usual for me. For many years, I have gone without new shoes, bags and accessories (cause the best accessory you can have is your, ahem, mind). Still, I think this Hari Raya, I shall get myself a new pair of shoes. Don't think my mom will be happy with my wearing of Converse sneakers or Doc Mart boots with baju kurung.

Ah, all these earthly things.  *breathes*

Abby is leaving for Canada next month. Think that's the last of my Filipino friends leaving me. First it was Gladys, then Jing and Des, and now Abby. These were the peeps who coloured my TMC days and I'd never forget their company. Good times, good times.

Time check: 3.10pm.

Slept my morning away, only to wake up to worry about my bills (it's payday and it's headache day as well). I have survived 2.5 years without my credit cards and well, the pain of seeing everything paid in cash is both heartbreaking and liberating at the same time. Such messed up thoughts.

Okay.

I shall go back to staring at my bank account in disbelief. I woke up with a few grand and after paying and planning and setting aside, I'm left with hundreds.

A millionaire I'll never be.

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Don't turn the fish over

Date: Monday 8 June 2015
Time: 2330hrs
Place: On a train from Hanoi to Da Nang (with 13 more hours to go)

"Should I turn the fish over?"
"We, Chinese, have a belief...we dont turn the fish while we're on a boat. You know...it's like a boat overturning or capsizing."

So I did not turn the fish, even though logically I should, for there was still some savoury flesh on the other side. I then deboned it, albeit poorly, so as not to waste the fish.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that, as much as I wanted too scoff at Lauren's logic, I decided to just stick to her belief for it would then give her (and the three fellow table mates from China) a peace of mind as we cruised the Halong Bay.

This little anecdote really coincided with what happened down at Mount Kinabalu recently. Many indigenous people believed that the earthquake was a reaction to the indecent acts done by the Canadian climbers who decided to strip naked up the mountain, considered sacred by many Sabahans.

Being the rational, logical people that many of us are, it is hilarious for some to grasp how an earthquake can be associated to silly frat acts done by ignorant, obnoxious tourists. Still, that does not give us the right to belittle the belief of those Sabahans who believe that Mount Kinabalu (Aki Nabalu) is the place where the spirits go once their earthly bodies have expired.

I am definitely one who is for the freedom of behaviour and speech provided they do not hurt or harm. It is the right of humans to have beliefs and customs so to make fun of that is to tar the sanctity of freedom. You want to strip naked at your home ground, sure, go right ahead but to do that in a place not your own, that just reeks of arrogance, snobbery and foolishness.

Anyway, I have not heard much but I hear the Sabah authorities are making sure the starkers stay in Sabah to help them with investigations. I think it is for the indecent acts (stripping naked, much to the dismay of the local mountain guides) and not for the earthquake. One of the nudists tweeted something really offensive and even insulted a Malaysian minister. Well...that would definitely make his predicament better...NOT.

Okay. It is hard to carry on penning this thought on a moving train.

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Ha-Noi the crap out of you :)

Pardon the lame title. Must be the (Ha)noi-sy traffic getting to me.

Greetings.

Hanoi has been laidback, nothing much to do àfter 8pm. Didn't help that it had been raining buckets. Went to Halong Bay today and my highlight was the kayaking segment. Loved it.

Tomorrow will be the last day here. One more round of Hanoi before heading to the train station in the evening. Close to 20 hours on the Vietnam Railway...all the way to Danang. This is going to be interesting.

Ok. Blogging using my phone is bloody Hanoi-ing. Ah.

Tour of duty

It is time. School vacation is here and I am off to Vietnam.

Heading to Hanoi..before making my way down to Danang and eventually, Saigon.

Watch out for this space

I think.

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No greater agony than bearing an untold story

Bus ride
10pm
12 May 2015

I have not been writing. I have not gotten anything published (or even out of my head) lately - be it casual, features or academic.

 It is 2015 and I have not gotten anything published for two years already. This is the longest "unpublished" period of my life ever since I turned 20. Having prided myself as a writer, albeit a wannabe, this is slowly killing me inside.

See.
Penning this down worsen my headache.
This jerky bus ride is not making this hell I am feeling any better.
Have mercy.
 I am getting old, and getting really grumpy.


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