I am not one who seeks perfection. In everyday situations, I always provide space for the unexpected. I leave room for the what-can-go-wrong. In a person, I just bounce off energy and synergy. Perfection is lost on a human and seeking for it is wasted energy.
Ok. Where did that come from? Oh.
A close colleague recently told me the reason why I'm still single was the very fact that I'm choosy. I would like to tell her that she's wrong but unfortunately, she was right. However, before she thumped her chest and proclaimed "I knew it!", I actually gave her my reasons as we walked to a nearby McDonalds for lunch.
Ed: Don't get me wrong. It's not about the looks. Friend: Right. Ed: Oh come on. He and I just need to have some things in common. Friend: And that is so hard to find? Ed: You'll be surprised. Friend: Do you really need to have things in common? Ed: *gasp* But of course, lah! Friend: Like what? Ed: You know I like my movies, music and stuff. Sure, everybody likes them but can they sustain conversations and arguments about them? Friend: Why would you want to talk about such stuff anyway? Ed: ...cause they are my interests? Friend: So, did you find anyone you can do that with? Ed: If I have, I won't waste time talking this shit with you. Friend: You need to put yourself out there. Ed: Out, where? No..it is not natural. Friend: Natural is to sit, grow old, die and rot. Some things need to be sought. Ed: I have anxiety issues. I am shy. Friend: Right. Ed: Never mind. You don't understand.
And then we shuffled silently for a while to the holy land of the golden fries.
Some things are never meant to be rushed. Just let me be for a while, okay?
School is officially out. Well, until 26th December anyway. I'll take this 1 whole month to get to know myself a bit more. Nevertheless, I'm going to miss some folks.
Ah, such a happy problem.
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Some people stay far away from the door If there's a chance of it opening up They hear a voice in the hall outside And hope that it just passes by
Some people live with the fear of a touch And the anger of having been a fool They will not listen to anyone So nobody tells them a lie
I know you're only protecting yourself I know you're thinking of somebody else Someone who hurt you But I'm not above Making up for the love You've been denying you could ever feel I'm not above doing anything To restore your faith if I can Some people see through the eyes of the old Before they ever get a look at the young I'm only willing to hear you cry Because I am an innocent man
I am an innocent man Oh yes I am
Some people say they will never believe Another promise they hear in the dark Because they only remember too well They heard somebody tell them before
Some people sleep all alone every night Instead of taking a lover to bed Some people find that it's easier to hate Than to wait anymore
I know you don't want to hear what I say I know you're gonna keep turning away But I've been there and if I can survive I can keep you alive I'm not above going through it again I've not above being cool for a while If you're cruel to me I'll understand
Some people run from a possible fight Some people figure they can never win And although this is a fight I can lose The accused is an innocent man
I am an innocent man Oh yes I am An innocent man
You know you only hurt yourself out of spite I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight That's your decision But I'm not below Anybody I know If there's a chance of resurrecting a love I'm not above going back to the start To find out where the heartache began
Some people hope for a miracle cure Some people just accept the world as it is But I'm not willing to lay down and die Because I am an innocent man
I am an innocent man Oh yes I am An innocent man ~ An Innocent Man, Billy Joel
So...it's already November.
So...I am still alive.
So...I am still awake at 0225hrs on a Monday.
So Jing left for home in Pinas late September.
There goes another one of my buddies. One lesser human to go watch a movie or have meals with. Life...nothing is forever, isn't it?
Other than that, it has been a time-warp kind of situation in my life. Work was a little crazy recently, with the exam period and markings to be done. School was officially closed for the kids last Friday (yay for them!) but I still have 3 more weeks to go through before I get to stay away from my work desk. My first major vacation as a high school teacher. Interesting.
So next year, I will be teaching the Year 3s. That's upper level, for the do-not-knows. Quite surprised that the school is actually giving me such a task. After all, I only have a journalism/writing background. I guess, everyone is capable till proven otherwise. Si?
Oh, one more thing.
I have yet to get into trouble.
I have yet to get into jail.
Or rehab.
Or mental institute.
As some of you may know, the season has begun. American TV season, that is.
It means from now till about April next year, many of my nights will be spent with my nose stuck to my laptop screen, watching in rabid concentration as my favourite TV characters take centrestage.
Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side
Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through You just gotta be strong
Cause I don't wanna lose you now I'm lookin' right at the other half of me The vacancy that sat in my heart Is a space that now you hold Show me how to fight for now And I'll tell you baby, it was easy Comin' back into you once I figured it out You were right here all along It's like you're my mirror My mirror staring back at me I couldn't get any bigger With anyone else beside of me And now it's clear as this promise That we're making two reflections into one Cause it's like you're my mirror My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Friends are like underwear. Some crawl up your ass. Some snap under pressure. Some don't have the strength to hold you up. Some get a little twisted. Some are your favourites. Some are cheap and just plain nasty. And some actually do cover your ass when u need them too.
I decided to raid the fridge at around 2pm and well...just like the challenge on 'Masterchef', I began to whip something from the things I saw in front of me.
Only mine had the recipe for disaster. Haha.
Anyway, 30 mins later, I had a bowl of steaming rice in front of me, together with spicy beef stew with crunchy bean sprouts and carrots. Afraid that the stew would backfire in my face, I also had fish fillet to back me up.
The tangy stew turned out okay. A bit bland but nevertheless, spicy (bet you didnt know it's possible, right? kwa kwa kwa!). Since the fish was there, it wouldnt hurt to eat just one since it was already cooked anyway.
It's 3.30pm now.
I dont know what else to do.
Next one-week school break I must make sure I have a solid 7-day plan.
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars
I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told
I feel something so right yet
doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars
I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told
And I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars
Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars
Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned