Not perfect

I am not one who seeks perfection. In everyday situations, I always provide space for the unexpected. I leave room for the what-can-go-wrong. In a person, I just bounce off energy and synergy. Perfection is lost on a human and seeking for it is wasted energy.

Ok.
Where did that come from?
Oh.

A close colleague recently told me the reason why I'm still single was the very fact that I'm choosy. I would like to tell her that she's wrong but unfortunately, she was right. However, before she thumped her chest and proclaimed "I knew it!", I actually gave her my reasons as we walked to a nearby McDonalds for lunch.

Ed: Don't get me wrong. It's not about the looks.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Oh come on. He and I just need to have some things in common.
Friend: And that is so hard to find?
Ed: You'll be surprised.
Friend: Do you really need to have things in common?
Ed: *gasp* But of course, lah!
Friend: Like what?
Ed: You know I like my movies, music and stuff. Sure, everybody likes them but can they sustain conversations and arguments about them?
Friend: Why would you want to talk about such stuff anyway?
Ed: ...cause they are my interests?
Friend: So, did you find anyone you can do that with?
Ed: If I have, I won't waste time talking this shit with you.
Friend: You need to put yourself out there.
Ed: Out, where? No..it is not natural.
Friend: Natural is to sit, grow old, die and rot. Some things need to be sought.
Ed: I have anxiety issues. I am shy.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Never mind. You don't understand.

And then we shuffled silently for a while to the holy land of the golden fries.
Some things are never meant to be rushed. Just let me be for a while, okay?


###

An Innocent (Wo)man

School is officially out. Well, until 26th December anyway. I'll take this 1 whole month to get to know myself a bit more. Nevertheless, I'm going to miss some folks.

Ah, such a happy problem.

-----

Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I'm not above
Making up for the love
You've been denying you could ever feel
I'm not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I'm only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before

Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it's easier to hate
Than to wait anymore

I know you don't want to hear what I say
I know you're gonna keep turning away
But I've been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I'm not above going through it again
I've not above being cool for a while
If you're cruel to me I'll understand

Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight
That's your decision
But I'm not below
Anybody I know
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love
I'm not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began

Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I'm not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man ~ An Innocent Man, Billy Joel

###

Why?

So fast.
Grow up.
I am still.
The same.

Say it, dammit!

Every now and then, there will be a song which, for no rhyme or reason, just breaks your heart.

No.....not on a Saturday night :(


###

I said no...no...no!

So...it's already November.
So...I am still alive.
So...I am still awake at 0225hrs on a Monday.

So Jing left for home in Pinas late September.

There goes another one of my buddies. One lesser human to go watch a movie or have meals with. Life...nothing is forever, isn't it?

Other than that, it has been a time-warp kind of situation in my life. Work was a little crazy recently, with the exam period and markings to be done. School was officially closed for the kids last Friday (yay for them!) but I still have 3 more weeks to go through before I get to stay away from my work desk. My first major vacation as a high school teacher. Interesting.

So next year, I will be teaching the Year 3s. That's upper level, for the do-not-knows. Quite surprised that the school is actually giving me such a task. After all, I only have a journalism/writing background. I guess, everyone is capable till proven otherwise. Si?

Oh, one more thing.

I have yet to get into trouble.
I have yet to get into jail.
Or rehab.
Or mental institute.

So help me, God.


###

Eid again

And it's here.
Hari Raya Haji...Eid-ul-adha.
May our fights and sacrifices...jihad and qurban...be accepted by the Beloved.

Amin.

Heyo

:) ###

Help me..help me....

Seasons in the sun

As some of you may know, the season has begun. American TV season, that is.

It means from now till about April next year, many of my nights will be spent with my nose stuck to my laptop screen, watching in rabid concentration as my favourite TV characters take centrestage.

What can I say...other than "I am a TV-addict"?

Who moved my cheese?

You?

To whoever, wherever, whenever.

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Oh well.


###

Souls to squeeze

Friends are like underwear.
Some crawl up your ass.
Some snap under pressure.
Some don't have the strength to hold you up.
Some get a little twisted.
Some are your favourites.
Some are cheap and just plain nasty.
And some actually do cover your ass when u need them too.

...

I love my friends :)


###

Wicked thing

The song...the dance.

So sexy.

###

Rivers and Roads

Two years late.


###

Tangy Tuesday

I decided to raid the fridge at around 2pm and well...just like the challenge on 'Masterchef', I began to whip something from the things I saw in front of me.

Only mine had the recipe for disaster. Haha.

Anyway, 30 mins later, I had a bowl of steaming rice in front of me, together with spicy beef stew with crunchy bean sprouts and carrots. Afraid that the stew would backfire in my face, I also had fish fillet to back me up.

The tangy stew turned out okay. A bit bland but nevertheless, spicy (bet you didnt know it's possible, right? kwa kwa kwa!). Since the fish was there, it wouldnt hurt to eat just one since it was already cooked anyway.

It's 3.30pm now.

I dont know what else to do.

Next one-week school break I must make sure I have a solid 7-day plan.

Counting sheep and stars

 

 

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars

I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find

Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

I feel something so right yet
doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn

 Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

And I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

---------

 

Story of my life.

 

###

Leonard Cohen afterworld

After 3 days of enduring mounting stomach pains, I hobbled to the clinic last night at 2230hrs, after visiting relatives.

Think my cousin's spicy 'Bamia' (something like beef rendang) and her multi-fruit salad (citric acid!) escalated the pain so much so that I could barely make it to my brother's place after that.

So yeah...on MC today. Tummy still hurts. Meds are taking a while to kick in. Boo.

The Taunt

A cheeky student tried to upset his classmate by messing around with my name.

Yeah.

I still cannot comprehend how it goes.

Happy Sunday, ya'll.

###

So why don't you kill me

Shit has hit the roof, I guess. It is a very sobering thought.

Think I must have mentally aged 20 years more in the last 4 months. I look at my prior existence with regret and a tinge of disdain.

All my mistakes are haunting me now. I am paying so dearly for them right now.

I admit my mistakes. God, please help me.

*sniff*

Blue blue

Brought some students out to Sentosa in the morning...to the SEA Aquarium. 4 hours later I was back with a massive headache.

But it did feel good to be away from the classroom.