Bell Jar

Mad Girl's Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.) 
― Sylvia Plath

###

Back at one

Sometimes spending too long a time with your own thoughts creates complications in your heart.

Free yourself from the mental slavery.

Back to the board

"We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her and I...
...go back to black."

Almost 3am and this Amy Winehouse's number is wailing in my head. No absolute meaning because I cannot relate to the words at all, though I do appreciate blues and soul.

Things have been quite interesting lately. Not any less chaotic but interesting, still. My first time taking a form class and I think, by the end of the year, the students will be bonkers because they have a crazy agitator as a teacher. I cannot help it. I just want to test how far I can push the students, both academically and mentally. I just want to see how far they can go before they actually melt down. Now...that is a very thin line to cross. But, oh, I love danger.

And talking about danger...

Currently I am running a risk of having my heart broken. Not saying that it is going to happen but, well, there is a risk. Not going to elaborate any further (because there is nothing to elaborate, rather) but let's just say, shit's getting interesting.

Goodnight, Amy Winehouse.


###

Is this love is this love is this love?

So I throw my cards on  your table.

 

###

 

 

NY(E) Cinque

The fifth stop in the process of ushering the new year ~ the supper stop.

After wobbling down the stairs of ChinaOne and back to the car at around 0400hrs, we all headed to The Prata House down at Upper Thomson Road.

Two pratas later and I'm home at 0545hrs.

Now...the celebration will be put on hold for a little rest. It will resume at 1300hrs at Nani's place down at Paya Lebar later.

Zzzzz.

NYE Quattro

At about 0130hrs, the party at Ramada began to cool off. But I think our mood was still buzzing. We got my sister, who kindly came down (naaah, she was bored), to drive us to ChinaOne down at Clarke Quay. I wanted some rocking live music - the kind that Tabula (the resident band) - could provide.

Think we 'jammed' till almost 0400hrs. Oasis, Radiohead, Foo Fighters, The Killers, Adele (huh?), Katy Perry (say, what?)...oh how sweet the taste of pseudo youth.

My knees were killing me at this stage but...off to 5th pitstop.

NYE Tre

The third pitstop was at the Ramada Hotel at Zhongshan Park. Since Rae's the marcomm honcho there, she brought us to check out the countdown party.

Though we were slow to warm up, I thought the party was pretty cool. Would have been better if parents supervised their kids well cause I was quite worried looking at them playing by the pool.

By the way, Rae, Linda, Lauren and I took this shot by the pool.

It was midnight...2014...and I was De Niro.

"You talking to me?"

Happy New Year, folks.

NYE Due

Here at Clara's. Off to third place.

NYE Uno

Round One

Geriatric

Whenever I get close to my birthday, I would always do something to my hair which will just reinforce how old I have aged.

Like this one.

Fix me to fix you

I am back. Three days later and I am STILL tired. Still 50% unpacked. I am just tired.
Really tired.

On top of that, I have some troubling work to do. This, is nobody else's fault, but mine. Everything seems to be my fault cause I always manage to put myself in a fix.

Even if there's no fix to get into, I will somehow fix a fix and fix myself in.

F(ix) my life.

###

Going under

Day 5...in Cappadocia.
Reached here yesterday evening after a 12-hr journey from Pamukkale.
It is -11 here. Yes...it is snowing.
Not fun, actually, unless you want to go skiing. Which, my friends, I am not.

Constatinople

Day 2.

Greetings from the Blue Mosque.

Loving Istanbul.

:)

Night at Wyndham

It is only 8.35pm but since the hotel is out of the town area, I think I shall retreat. Haven't slept since Friday morning.

Blue Mosque, tomorrow.

Good night, Istanbul.

:)

Byzantium

After 15 hours of back-breaking and butt-numbing journey, here I am in Istanbul, Turkey.

So tired amd sleepy righy now.

Heard Manchester United lost.

Suck balls.

Oh well.

###

Turkey Lurkey Time

So it has been set.

The World Cup 2014 group-by-group breakdown:

A: Brazil, Croatia, Cameroon, Mexico
B: Spain, Netherlands, Chile, Australia
C: Colombia, Greece, Ivory Coast, Japan
D: Uruguay, Costa Rica, England, Italy
E: Switzerland, Ecuador, France, Honduras
F: Argentina,  Bosnia-Herzegovina, Iran, Nigeria
G: Germany, Portugal, Ghana, USA
H: Belgium, Algeria, Russia, South Korea

Interesting.

I do hope Argentina will get to go far this time round. They have always been a favourite.

Anyway, there's a bigger pressing issue.

It is already 7th Dec 2013.

I need to be at the airport at 0630hrs.

This time tomorrow I will be shivering my bottom off in wintery Turkey.

Hoscakal & seni seviyorum :)

###

Not perfect

I am not one who seeks perfection. In everyday situations, I always provide space for the unexpected. I leave room for the what-can-go-wrong. In a person, I just bounce off energy and synergy. Perfection is lost on a human and seeking for it is wasted energy.

Ok.
Where did that come from?
Oh.

A close colleague recently told me the reason why I'm still single was the very fact that I'm choosy. I would like to tell her that she's wrong but unfortunately, she was right. However, before she thumped her chest and proclaimed "I knew it!", I actually gave her my reasons as we walked to a nearby McDonalds for lunch.

Ed: Don't get me wrong. It's not about the looks.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Oh come on. He and I just need to have some things in common.
Friend: And that is so hard to find?
Ed: You'll be surprised.
Friend: Do you really need to have things in common?
Ed: *gasp* But of course, lah!
Friend: Like what?
Ed: You know I like my movies, music and stuff. Sure, everybody likes them but can they sustain conversations and arguments about them?
Friend: Why would you want to talk about such stuff anyway?
Ed: ...cause they are my interests?
Friend: So, did you find anyone you can do that with?
Ed: If I have, I won't waste time talking this shit with you.
Friend: You need to put yourself out there.
Ed: Out, where? No..it is not natural.
Friend: Natural is to sit, grow old, die and rot. Some things need to be sought.
Ed: I have anxiety issues. I am shy.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Never mind. You don't understand.

And then we shuffled silently for a while to the holy land of the golden fries.
Some things are never meant to be rushed. Just let me be for a while, okay?


###

An Innocent (Wo)man

School is officially out. Well, until 26th December anyway. I'll take this 1 whole month to get to know myself a bit more. Nevertheless, I'm going to miss some folks.

Ah, such a happy problem.

-----

Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I'm not above
Making up for the love
You've been denying you could ever feel
I'm not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I'm only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before

Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it's easier to hate
Than to wait anymore

I know you don't want to hear what I say
I know you're gonna keep turning away
But I've been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I'm not above going through it again
I've not above being cool for a while
If you're cruel to me I'll understand

Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight
That's your decision
But I'm not below
Anybody I know
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love
I'm not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began

Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I'm not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man ~ An Innocent Man, Billy Joel

###

Why?

So fast.
Grow up.
I am still.
The same.

Say it, dammit!

Every now and then, there will be a song which, for no rhyme or reason, just breaks your heart.

No.....not on a Saturday night :(


###