Straight from my heart

I remembered it, then I found it. First heard it in 2000 and I was so in love with it.

Listening to it made me miss my late aunt. It's the 2nd Hari Raya that she's not with us. On the first day when I say my cousin and uncle, I was reminded of her. How she's sorely missed by all. Such a loving kind soul who's gone way too soon. Some evil ones are made to stay and roam this earth for so long but souls like her, sometimes, went too soon.

Such is God's will.

I miss you, Bibik. You've never come to me in my dreams all this while. Why, Bibik? Everybody said they felt you...dreamed about you. But I have never. Why? Is it because you didnt like me? Is it because I didnt take care of you when you were sick? Is it because you didnt love me as much as you loved the others? Is it because I had done something wrong?

I couldnt see you when you were sick, Bibik, cause I couldnt do it. I didnt want to collapse and scream. Only when you were going through your dying days that I regretted not seeing you as often as I should have. But I was too afraid...a coward. I couldnt see you in pain. Have you ever noticed I never talk to you about it? About your cancer? I wished if we didnt talk about it, it would go away. Many people talked about their time taking care of you at home...chatting with you...but I was not there. My memories were filled of images of a healthier and happier you, times when we were both so close. And when those last days were near, I was brought crashing down to earth to see the image in front of my eyes not the same as the one I perpetually had in my head.

I thought you were invincible, Bibik. At 29, I still had such naive idea.
Had I gotten a little more time with you, I would tell you how much you meant to me.
I would help you achieve things you hadnt achieved.
I would have focused on you, not my running away from your pain.
I wouldnt have been such an emotional coward.
I would have told you how much my life would suck without you.

I would.
I would.
I would.


The sun's still warm and most days are good
The world still turns like you said it would
But this pain seems to never let me go
And there really is no movin' on
There's only going along

And I will always be
Better for you loving me
Better for the times we shared
That travel with me everywhere
And I will always try
To hold my head up to the sky
If only just to let you know
That straight from my heart
I still miss you so

If I could I would gladly trade
A thousand tomorrows for one yesterday
There are so many things that I would say
You're a part of every memory
That lives on in me

And I will always be
Better for you loving me
Better for the times we shared
That travel with me everywhere
And I will always try
To hold my head up to the sky
If only just to let you know
That straight from my heart
I still miss you so

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