Talk of nothing

"So what's your story? What are you looking for?"

I am stumped by the questions. Sure I've had some interesting events here and there but there are never really stories to me. And what am I looking for? Well, if I know what it is for sure I would have found it by now.

Okay. 
Bite your tongue. 
Let's not get sarcastic.

"Story? I don't have much of a story and I think I am looking for happiness."

Great, Jules. 
Play that bimbo card. 

"Sounds easy, but I am sure happiness is quite a tricky thing to achieve," he says with a slight smile.

What is that? That smile? Is it a mocking smile that carries biting sarcasm or is that an empathetic one? I don't know and do I have to care?

"Well, some people say that if your idea of happiness is simple, you can achieve it easily. Maybe my version of happiness sounds a tad complicated."

"Ah, I like complications. It keeps the brain running. Life isn't easy and something that is easily achieved should be looked at again!" says he with the twinkling eyes. "Aren't you going to ask me anything? What I like, what I don't? Or do I have to do all the talking around here?"

Damn it. 
Must I? 
Breathe. 
Here I go. 

"Okay. I did tell you that I'm not much of a talker." Cue nervous laughter. "Well, let's see. Ah, okay. Which one do you think is more important in a relationship? Passion or dedication?"

Seriously, Jules? 
THAT question? 

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. It was just something at the top of my head anyway."

Quick, grab the coffee cup. 
Drink. Drink. Drink. 

"Passion, Jules. I'll choose passion for sure. Don't you feel the same way too?"

"I'll choose dedication but, it's not about me. Why do you choose that?"

"Surely you need passion to keep the relationship alive! It is an intense emotion and one filled with desire."

Ah, that smile again. I have such mixed feelings about that smile right now.

"Well, Hans, what happens when the passion isn't there? What if one day it takes a hike? It may come back and maybe it won't. We can't guarantee that we can feel passionate all the time but dedication, on the other hand, will always be there. It is a commitment that you must always make things work even though you may want to kill your lover...not killing out of lust...but you know, kill...murder."

Have I said too much? 
Should have just stuck to that bimbo card.

"Wow, where did that come from?" he laughs.

Great, now he thinks I'm a fool. The anxiety in my tummy is almost making its way up my throat. This is an evening I can no longer stomach. How long have we been here?

10 minutes.

"I can see your point."

He can? 

"I can see why you chose dedication."

"Because you think I'm passion-less?"

"Because I think you're scared."

Oh boy. Now I'm a coward.

"Scared? Maybe."

"That's it, Jules? You're not going to argue with that?"

Oh, must I? Must I? 
Come, let me pummel the crap out of you.

"No, I don't want to argue. Aren't we suppose to just chill?"

"We are....yes, we are."


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