Dear Lord.
I am so ashamed to say that at 25...we are all as poor as a church mouse. We dont know if we can afford tomorrow's dinner, lunch the day after, or the weekend transport fare.
How can this be the end when it's just the beginning?
Maybe we all shouldnt plan to meet tomorrow.
(emailed)
###
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Feeding off the middle class frustrations...
You know why people don’t read? They are afraid of knowing. Afraid of developing ideas that they cannot resist or cannot control. Afraid of knowing more things that their rigid minds can handle. Afraid of having to suppress their will. They are afraid to feel afraid.
Hmmm…
As age catches up, my life seems more “choppy”. I am trying to eke out my life by seeking something which I don’t know. A gemstone, perhaps. Don’t tell me it’s love cause I don’t buy that shit. It’s like I’m…
trying to protest but I swallow my words…
trying to jump but my legs are tied to a tree…
trying to fly but I’m afraid of height…
trying to run but I’m aimless…
trying to be unique…just like everybody is…
trying to be brave but I’m ball-ess…
trying to grow up but I am not convinced that I should…
Am I the product of motorised happiness? The lovechild of mass engineered desires and structured routines with a fixed destiny of where I stand when I’m 50? Tell me good Sir, what have I done to deserve such savage feelings of desperation? Of hopeless dreams?
Why do I feel frustrated at 25 and yet fulfilled at the same time?
Tsk tsk tsk.
The world is an enigma and I am grappling to make sense of things.
First they ignore you
Then laugh at you and hate you
Then they flight you
Then you win
When the truth dies
Very bad things happen
They're being heartless
Again
I know it’s gonna
There's gonna be violence
I've taken as much as I'm willing to take
Why do you think we should suffer in silence
When is broken there's nothing to break
You've been mixing
With some very heavy faces
They boys have done
A bit of bird
They don't kill their own
And they all love their mothers
But you're out of your depth son
Have a word
I know it’s gonna
There's gonna be violence
I've taken as much as I'm willing to take
Why do you think we should suffer in silence
When is broken there's nothing to break
All is wonderful in this life
Dreaming of the sun she warms
You should see me in the afterlife
Picking up the songs of lures
When you think we're lost, we're exploring
What you think is work because I'm adoring
You don't want the truth, truth is boring
I've got this fever need to
Leave the house
Leave the car
Leave the bad men where they are
I'll leave a few shells in my gun
And stop me starring at the sun
I know it’s gonna
There's gonna be violence
I've taken as much as I'm willing to take
Why do you think we should suffer in silence
My heart is broken there's nothing to break - Robbie Williams, Tripping
Yes don’t tell me the truth for it is boring.
Spin me a lie, fish me a moon.
The truth will still bore me.
###
Pissed off on Tuesday morning
My God! It’s only 0920hrs and yet, there are sooooo many stupid people in the world! Majority are stuck in this stupid office by the way. I am not fasting today (overslept this morning and didn’t take my medicine) so here I go:
Kaninabeichaocheebyelimpehnaohiakaopehfuckingwanking
*breathes*
Assholemotherfuckerbaissonputain!!
Seriously.
What’s the point of studying so hard if you have no street/logic sense?
Asking me the fucking obvious so early in the morning just made me mad!
What’s the fucking point of having a high position if you have fucking no EQ?
What’s the point of going to school and learning investigative methods if you just want the obvious slammed in your ruby face?
What’s the fucking deal?
I don’t need your fucking authority.
I had it with this fucked up company and its equally fucked up people.
And Mr Waikiki, what’s the deal with 3 separate seats for the movie????? I guess, unlike me, not everyone is fine with the first two rows. But compared that to 3 separate seats? And I don’t give a shit if it’s in the same column. All I can say is that…thank god for 1st row and for Heath Ledger.
That aside…I heart Brothers Grimm.
The show was funny! Although I find the French accent by some were bad…and that Damon had a sickening pseudo German accent. But, the joy of recognising your favourite fairy tale characters was nostalgic. And the fact that Monica Belluci, as usual, was hot! Man…if I were a movie director, this is the type of movie I would want to make! Castles, evil queens, gingerbread man, endearing bumbling heroes and bit of fright nights and laughs. Just like The Princess Bride.
This is a more commercial direction of Terry Gilliam. His Monty Python and the Holy Grail (which I had fortunately seen..or unfortunately) was just bizarre. His 12 Monkeys (which I had also fortunately seen…or unfortunately) was ..erm..weird. So I am quite surprised that I could chew Brothers Grimm well. Or rather, I wish I could chew Heath Ledger.
And mentioning Heath Ledger…guess what’s the show I’m gonna catch once my “finance” has been recouped? After clearing debts/loans(harks) and all?
Why…
It’s the freaking Lords of Dogtown, of course!
Why…they inspired me so much back then I took my first skateboard ride straight to the longkang! And because of them I have 3 freaking skateboards of various sizes tucked in the store room.
Oh well.
As you can tell…my anger has subsided. But that doesn’t mean everything is peachy-fuck here --points to head.
Nothing more, nothing less
An icon on the wall
Decoration and duress
That which many strive to be
It's the marble statue staring over me
And nobody has the will to tear it down
It determines wrong and right
But to me it's just a stereotype
And it makes us lose our sight
The portrait of authority
Portrait of authority
You tell me that's what I'm supposed to be
Portrait of authority
You tell me that's what I'm supposed to be
Another time, another man
An oppressive intrusion
And a plague across his land
And it haunts him every day
It tells him that he has no chance
His hope just fades away
And he lives his life prepared to tear it down
But he can't muster the support
And to him it's just a stereotype
Of his life-long fight
The portrait of authority
Portrait of authority
It embodies what he cannot be
Portrait of authority
It's what he cannot be
The portrait of authority
Portrait of authority - Portrait Of Authority, Bad Religion
(My brother influenced my then 5-year-old sister to sing this song to sleep every night. This..and BR’s American Jesus. I was glad we had some Bad Religion in the house. I’ll get re-acquainted to it soon.)
One thing comes to mind…will it kill Singaporeans to be more street?
Well..oh well..
Anyway
What’s wrong with me?
Monday, September 19, 2005
Matt and Heath...
Going to catch Brothers Grimm with Dear and Waikiki. How am I going to travel all the way to Cineleisure now is beyond my understanding.
I can barely walk now.
But...I'm glad i managed to start my fast today...and not on the actual day itself. it will be too much of a shock for the body i guess.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
I am strong.
1 hr 15 mins more.
I can do it.
(emailed)
###
Sunday 25th
Event: Sungei Buloh Hike
Date: Sunday 25th September
Time: 9am
Dur: 3 hours
Meeting point: Yet to be confirmed
Interested, leave me a message or drop me a line.
1 by 1...step by step
5 (or is it 6? 7?) entries have been shredded to pieces and down my dustbin. And i am getting pissed by the minute.
What's the point in my fasting?
For God
For God
For God...
(emailed)
###
ooh my head
hey..that was just what i thought. however i appreciate your personal email.
anyway...
the kids' entries are driving me nuts.
entries with no address...crap submissions...no names.
just stick to doing your homework lah.
(emailed)
###
A BLOG for fuck’s sake!
Mail password-locked his blog. Is this a retaliation to my request? Do I sense friction?
Anyway, anyway...
It’s such a lovely day (raining and all) and I am glad that I have started my “payback” fast….which I can break at 1903hrs today. About 6.5 hours more. Endure..endure.
Tempted..I am not. Nooooooooo!
Makes a mental note to buy an ice cream on my way home tonight.
…
Weekend ...wherefore art thou?
Friday was warped, hahaha. Was at some ulu carpark waiting for the Star’s “never-coming” arrival. Was sitting one corner with nani and jamal…while the rest of the kecohs were laughing in another corner. They seemed nice..except for one who..who..never mind. We must all forgive the ignorants and the idiots. 2300hrs and the birthday girl still was nowhere in sight. So we three made a move…and planned to meet the Star by the roadside. Glad I did.
Saturday…I woke up late for NPCC. Was supposed to meet ML at 0700…but I woke up at 0715. Reached NBSS at almost 0900hrs (well because I continued to sleep until 0745!). I was damn tired, lah. I was practically sleepwalking all the way to Yishun.
Came crawling home. Tired and with a hoarse ah kwa voice. Ate lunch and then took medicine. I was still damn paranoid and twitchy about the pills. I surfed the net on Friday and discovered the pills could lead to weight gain and various other side effects (like splitting headaches, imbalance, etc). I was very tired BUT I decided to go gym that Saturday night. However, first, I need to accompany Liah for dinner at 1830hrs at AMK Central.
I reached California gym at about 1945hrs. I forced myself to get on the treadmill. Could only manage a 15min- set. Had to stop before I just collapsed in heaps. After that, I began to row…row like there was no tomorrow. Row until the cows came home…then, I staggered back to the changing room for a shower before meeting Dear for a movie at Cineleisure.
The Longest Yard aka Mean Machine
I dig Adam Sandler so I like this show. But I like Vinnie Jones’ Mean Machines too because, well, that one was about soccer.
Top 3 Adam Sandler shows:
1. The Wedding Singer
2. 50 First Dates
3. Water Boy
Dark horse: Big Daddy
Bla bla…
Sunday got me up with a splitting headache. Are the side-effects of the medicine showing? Reading the papers was a terrible chore because..well..everything was dizzying. My head was spinning a thousand techno songs and it was hurting like hell. At 1330hrs, I staggered back to my bed, moaning. I was in so so so so much pain. I couldn’t find the painkillers that the gay doc had given me. Where the fuck were the painkillers?!!!
The mother: See! Sleep so late some more! Every time sleep so late!
The me: Got panadol?
The mother: Find yourself!
The father: Headache? What did the doctor give you last Wednesday? Crap! If you’re not careful, can get high blood pressure!
I have such freaking loving parents. Then the mother went out and the father went to sleep. Me? I had a s.l.o.w death.
Woke up at 1830hrs. feeling slightly better. Peachy. There’s no food at home. Not only my parents don’t love me…they want to starve me too. How to eat medicine like that? After quick shower, laundry…I rushed to catch soccer. Almost slipped and fell…
Exaggeration...
The match was frustrating! No one in the team stood out although I could see Rooney and Ronaldo working. It was nice to see Ferdinand working for his Aston Martin too. I cant believe we are missing Gary Neville and Gabriel Heinze so much. Scholes was disoriented, nistelrooy was listless and richardson was a weak link.As for the bloody (p)ools, I thought sinama did well, luis garcia was unlucky, gerrard was uninspired, crouch was overhyped and cisse’s exposure was not enough. I thought van der sar did extremely well…and reina was bored.
And Roy Keane is down (again???) with his third metatarsal injury. Probably out for 2 months. You know what…get rid of him lah. And scholes, and giggs. And then, surrender yourself to the division 2 because your current fledglings all cannot make it. Loan rooney and nistelrooy to wigan. Free of charge. Their current salaries are enough to feed Somalia…3 times.
Photo courtesy of NealSimpson/Empics
Oh well…
This Saturday we are hosting Blackburn. There goes my Saturday…and then on the 27th, we are hosting Benfica. Long live channel #21, 22, 23, 24!
Hungry.
Endure.
Endure.
5 more hours.
And I feel that time's a wasted go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And I feel it
Where ya going to tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
And I feel so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And she feels it
Where ya going to tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow - Plush, Stone Temple Pilots
###
Anyway, anyway...
It’s such a lovely day (raining and all) and I am glad that I have started my “payback” fast….which I can break at 1903hrs today. About 6.5 hours more. Endure..endure.
Tempted..I am not. Nooooooooo!
Makes a mental note to buy an ice cream on my way home tonight.
…
Weekend ...wherefore art thou?
Friday was warped, hahaha. Was at some ulu carpark waiting for the Star’s “never-coming” arrival. Was sitting one corner with nani and jamal…while the rest of the kecohs were laughing in another corner. They seemed nice..except for one who..who..never mind. We must all forgive the ignorants and the idiots. 2300hrs and the birthday girl still was nowhere in sight. So we three made a move…and planned to meet the Star by the roadside. Glad I did.
Saturday…I woke up late for NPCC. Was supposed to meet ML at 0700…but I woke up at 0715. Reached NBSS at almost 0900hrs (well because I continued to sleep until 0745!). I was damn tired, lah. I was practically sleepwalking all the way to Yishun.
Came crawling home. Tired and with a hoarse ah kwa voice. Ate lunch and then took medicine. I was still damn paranoid and twitchy about the pills. I surfed the net on Friday and discovered the pills could lead to weight gain and various other side effects (like splitting headaches, imbalance, etc). I was very tired BUT I decided to go gym that Saturday night. However, first, I need to accompany Liah for dinner at 1830hrs at AMK Central.
I reached California gym at about 1945hrs. I forced myself to get on the treadmill. Could only manage a 15min- set. Had to stop before I just collapsed in heaps. After that, I began to row…row like there was no tomorrow. Row until the cows came home…then, I staggered back to the changing room for a shower before meeting Dear for a movie at Cineleisure.
The Longest Yard aka Mean Machine
I dig Adam Sandler so I like this show. But I like Vinnie Jones’ Mean Machines too because, well, that one was about soccer.
Top 3 Adam Sandler shows:
1. The Wedding Singer
2. 50 First Dates
3. Water Boy
Dark horse: Big Daddy
Bla bla…
Sunday got me up with a splitting headache. Are the side-effects of the medicine showing? Reading the papers was a terrible chore because..well..everything was dizzying. My head was spinning a thousand techno songs and it was hurting like hell. At 1330hrs, I staggered back to my bed, moaning. I was in so so so so much pain. I couldn’t find the painkillers that the gay doc had given me. Where the fuck were the painkillers?!!!
The mother: See! Sleep so late some more! Every time sleep so late!
The me: Got panadol?
The mother: Find yourself!
The father: Headache? What did the doctor give you last Wednesday? Crap! If you’re not careful, can get high blood pressure!
I have such freaking loving parents. Then the mother went out and the father went to sleep. Me? I had a s.l.o.w death.
Woke up at 1830hrs. feeling slightly better. Peachy. There’s no food at home. Not only my parents don’t love me…they want to starve me too. How to eat medicine like that? After quick shower, laundry…I rushed to catch soccer. Almost slipped and fell…
Exaggeration...
The match was frustrating! No one in the team stood out although I could see Rooney and Ronaldo working. It was nice to see Ferdinand working for his Aston Martin too. I cant believe we are missing Gary Neville and Gabriel Heinze so much. Scholes was disoriented, nistelrooy was listless and richardson was a weak link.As for the bloody (p)ools, I thought sinama did well, luis garcia was unlucky, gerrard was uninspired, crouch was overhyped and cisse’s exposure was not enough. I thought van der sar did extremely well…and reina was bored.
And Roy Keane is down (again???) with his third metatarsal injury. Probably out for 2 months. You know what…get rid of him lah. And scholes, and giggs. And then, surrender yourself to the division 2 because your current fledglings all cannot make it. Loan rooney and nistelrooy to wigan. Free of charge. Their current salaries are enough to feed Somalia…3 times.
Photo courtesy of NealSimpson/Empics
Oh well…
This Saturday we are hosting Blackburn. There goes my Saturday…and then on the 27th, we are hosting Benfica. Long live channel #21, 22, 23, 24!
Hungry.
Endure.
Endure.
5 more hours.
And I feel that time's a wasted go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And I feel it
Where ya going to tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
And I feel so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?
And I feel it
And she feels it
Where ya going to tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow - Plush, Stone Temple Pilots
###
Friday, September 16, 2005
emailing bitch
latest update at 1740hrs...
Mail suggests i password-protect my blog. cool. will think of it next week.
Will still source for new template.
###
emailing on a roll
a friend sounds unhappy that i have asked everyone to remove my link.
there's time to search for new template.
there's time to search for new template.
removing my link
sorry guys..
rather than re-doing / creating a new blog, i just hope you guys remove my blog link. i hope you guys respect my decision.
if you dont want to do it, i hope you guys have the courtesy to tell me that you are not going to remove it. Then i will have to start sourcing for new name and new template.
and you guys ask why am i doing this?
it's getting out of hand...i dont want anyone from the company to just one day asks me why i am so angry at the managment.
just remove it. nobody will notice. it's not that hard.
mona
###
Gah!
am updating the other blog...it's damn frustrating. i know i will be easier if i update it asap and not wait for the end of the week...but haiyah, other people never update regularly also...except for xiaxue. damn her entries are long.
i have a mooncake right in front of me. unfortunately it has a fricking yolk in it. i hate yolk in mooncake...
(emailed)
###
Blogging by email
Guess what i am having for lunch?
Original corn thins and cheddar cheese.
<i>Corn thins...crispbread slices with the great taste of golden sun-ripened corn.</i>
I feel so pathetic.
Why am i doing this?
Because i read the hormone pills can make me gain more weight...think KFC modified chickens.
Thank God I have Medy's chocolates. Dark chocs.
Dinner..dinner..dinner..dinner...
###
Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide...
Cause it's you and me
Up in the tree
And the forest will give the answer
It's you and I
Up in the sky
It's a combination for disaster...
heh.
Will we ever learn?
###
When I was a little girl, little girls talked to me
I feel so extraordinary
Something's got a hold on me
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I don't care 'cause I'm not there
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow
Again and again I've taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...
- True Faith, New Order
I cant fathom why I’m feeling so DBL-O (read: retro) this morning. Must be the New Order shit that I had recorded into my pc. What’s your New Order favourite? It’s a tie for me…definitely True Faith and Temptation.
Didn’t go BodyCombat because..erm..i didn’t have faith in myself. BUT I had a mini quadrathlon at the gym instead. I covered about 5km in running, rowing, “skiing” (my pet event) and cycling. Took a darn long time, though. Come on! I’ve just recovered!
Then I could barely make it home.
Anyway…
Kooky shot with the Star …who else, right? Nobody else likes to take kooky shots.
Heh.
I hope the Star will have an extra nice day today since it’s her birthday. She has plans so unfortunately cant really hang out. Soon though…with the rest.
Oooh my hair
Erm…dah tak ada modal.
Have a superb Friday, then.
###
Something's got a hold on me
I get this feeling I'm in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I don't care 'cause I'm not there
And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow
Again and again I've taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much
I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...
- True Faith, New Order
I cant fathom why I’m feeling so DBL-O (read: retro) this morning. Must be the New Order shit that I had recorded into my pc. What’s your New Order favourite? It’s a tie for me…definitely True Faith and Temptation.
Didn’t go BodyCombat because..erm..i didn’t have faith in myself. BUT I had a mini quadrathlon at the gym instead. I covered about 5km in running, rowing, “skiing” (my pet event) and cycling. Took a darn long time, though. Come on! I’ve just recovered!
Then I could barely make it home.
Anyway…
Kooky shot with the Star …who else, right? Nobody else likes to take kooky shots.
Heh.
I hope the Star will have an extra nice day today since it’s her birthday. She has plans so unfortunately cant really hang out. Soon though…with the rest.
Oooh my hair
Erm…dah tak ada modal.
Have a superb Friday, then.
###
Thursday, September 15, 2005
A MoonStar's looming day...
My gurlies are not into soccer. Most of my guy friends are not into soccer. My colleagues are not into soccer. No one understands why I am revolving my weekend around EPL and such. Oh well. Lately, I have been sleeping on my couch because I cant make it to the bedroom after every match. Absurd? Tell me about it.
I remember a conversation I had after watching The Perfect Catch…
Me: I like the show!
Other: Me too.
M: You know it’s sad…if I’m in a relationship, I think I will be more like Jimmy Fallon.
O: Why?
M: I cant do anything if it’s a match day!
O: Haha you’re like the guy!
M: Serious…once it’s football season right, my weekend will be damn predictable.
O: Terbalik..terbalik…
M: Die..how to find boyfriend like that…I will be old, haggard..alone, watching robust men play ball.
One out of our countless mindless conversations, huh?
Will we have another such conversation?
Unlikely.
But it’s okay.
...
I feel like going to Pulau Ubin. I love going for long walks. I also miss lazing on the beach on a Sunday afternoon. It has been a while since I have sand on my feet. It has been a while since I have wind in my face. I feel like taking thrill rides. I feel like being scared silly. I feel like laughing till my sides hurt. I feel like walking until I collapse in a heap. I feel like watching a totally brainless sappy movie. I feel like ice cream. I feel like singing. I feel like cooking. I feel like dancing. I feel. I feel.
I am feeling damn restless.
I can feel stored energy jammed up at my spine.
How?
I feel like invincible. I feel like nothing is binding me and I can leap, run and soar for miles and miles. Shit. Now is the perfect time to bungee.
But, for now…I’ll settle for the treadmill at the gym and maybe…bodycombat.
Wa-pah!
Wait..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAHRIAH MOHD AMSAH!!!!!!
There's a song playing on the radio
Sky high in the airwaves on the morning show
And there's a lifeline slipping as the record plays
And as I open the blinds in my mind
I'm believing that you could stay
And oh if you stay
I'll chase the rain blown fields away
We'll shine like the morning and sin in the sun
Oh if you stay
We'll be the wild ones running with the dogs today
There's a song playing through another wall
All we see and believe is the D.J. and debts dissolve
And it's a shame the plane is leaving on this sunny day
Cuz on you my tattoo will be bleeding and the name will stain
But oh if you stay
We'll ride from disguised suburban graves
We'll go from the bungalows
Where the debts still grow every day
And oh if you stay
I'll chase the rain blown fears away
We'll shine like the morning and sin in the sun
Oh if you stay
We'll be the wild ones running with the dogs today
We'll be the wild ones running with the dogs today - The Wild Ones, Suede
I remember a conversation I had after watching The Perfect Catch…
Me: I like the show!
Other: Me too.
M: You know it’s sad…if I’m in a relationship, I think I will be more like Jimmy Fallon.
O: Why?
M: I cant do anything if it’s a match day!
O: Haha you’re like the guy!
M: Serious…once it’s football season right, my weekend will be damn predictable.
O: Terbalik..terbalik…
M: Die..how to find boyfriend like that…I will be old, haggard..alone, watching robust men play ball.
One out of our countless mindless conversations, huh?
Will we have another such conversation?
Unlikely.
But it’s okay.
...
I feel like going to Pulau Ubin. I love going for long walks. I also miss lazing on the beach on a Sunday afternoon. It has been a while since I have sand on my feet. It has been a while since I have wind in my face. I feel like taking thrill rides. I feel like being scared silly. I feel like laughing till my sides hurt. I feel like walking until I collapse in a heap. I feel like watching a totally brainless sappy movie. I feel like ice cream. I feel like singing. I feel like cooking. I feel like dancing. I feel. I feel.
I am feeling damn restless.
I can feel stored energy jammed up at my spine.
How?
I feel like invincible. I feel like nothing is binding me and I can leap, run and soar for miles and miles. Shit. Now is the perfect time to bungee.
But, for now…I’ll settle for the treadmill at the gym and maybe…bodycombat.
Wa-pah!
Wait..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAHRIAH MOHD AMSAH!!!!!!
There's a song playing on the radio
Sky high in the airwaves on the morning show
And there's a lifeline slipping as the record plays
And as I open the blinds in my mind
I'm believing that you could stay
And oh if you stay
I'll chase the rain blown fields away
We'll shine like the morning and sin in the sun
Oh if you stay
We'll be the wild ones running with the dogs today
There's a song playing through another wall
All we see and believe is the D.J. and debts dissolve
And it's a shame the plane is leaving on this sunny day
Cuz on you my tattoo will be bleeding and the name will stain
But oh if you stay
We'll ride from disguised suburban graves
We'll go from the bungalows
Where the debts still grow every day
And oh if you stay
I'll chase the rain blown fears away
We'll shine like the morning and sin in the sun
Oh if you stay
We'll be the wild ones running with the dogs today
We'll be the wild ones running with the dogs today - The Wild Ones, Suede
They called it the rising sun...
My hands will definitely be chopped off. Morality, my ass.
Waiting on a Sunday afternoon
For what I read between the lines
Your lies
Feelin' like a hand in rusted shame
So do you laugh or does it cry
Reply
Leavin' on a southern train
Only yesterday you lied
Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watched the time go by
All of these things you said to me - Interstate Love Song, Stone Temple Pilot
Am back in the office after…a day hiatus.
No. I didn’t have a holiday or whatsoever. I was having some hormonal problems. Heh. However, I wonder if it’s just me…but I can be sick like forever until the day I decide to go to the doctor’s. Yesterday morning, the symptoms were reduced or gone…and I didn’t feel so shitty. What the hell right? Grrr…
CuteGayDoc: What? Hmm..Doesn’t sound good.
Me: Urgh…tell me about it.
CGD: Were you on some kind of medication?
M: No
CGD: Have you done any Pap Smear?
M: No (began to feel panicky and breathless)
CGD: Contraceptions? Contraceptive pills?
M: No (began fidgeting because I could totally guess the next question)
CGD: (with a damn straight gay face) Are you sexually active?
M: (grimacing) Ho hum..no? Ah no..no no. (Ed: It’s a resolute no. Don’t know why I was hesitant. Shy, maybe.)
CGD: I would like to give you a womb scan and a Pap Smear..but obviously we cant do it today.
M: Yes yes..just want to stop.
CGD: STOP IT???
M: Huh? (what did I say???) Oh I mean…it has to stop somehow, right??
CGD: Ah yes of course. I’ll give you some pills to be taken religiously. Once you’re okay, we’ll arrange for a scan. Okay, that’s all.
M: Oh ok..(still continue sitting there…trying to soak it all in)
CGD: Okay that’s all.
M: Oh ok..Thanks.
A scan? A pap smear?
Wanted to catch The Longest Yard after the check up. The showtime was at 1445hrs and it was only 1300hrs. I went home instead because I could feel something brewing up. The stomach discomfort was back and I needed to eat the pills pronto. Then it all came back and I had to keep on running to the loo. Damn frustrating. It was okay this morning! Anyway, slumped myself on the couch and watched Les Choristes again and teared again. When the boys sang, I felt a strong something which made me cry. Maybe it’s the tinge of longing in their voices.
Evening descended and there was no one at home. I met up with ML at the library…walking really slowly. Then I dragged her to KFC. One thing…my appetite has been fucked up lately and lately, I just felt like swallowing anything savoury and sinful. I knew I shouldn’t been chowing fried chickens, fries and especially cold gassy drink…but I had been in discomfort for too long. I really don’t care already.
Anyway…
You..yes, we did talk about you although the air was a bit languid already. We discussed all the “what’s-gonna-happen”s and well, in the end, the answer was a resounding whatever. Then we walked happily to NTUC to do grocery shopping. I guess…we just wished you well, then.
Sweet Suzie McNeil has officially left the building. It’s up to Mig, Marty and JD now…. Mig is my favourite but he’s more poppish and theatrical (wtfark..he’s Danny Zuko!), Marty is cool and scary (yeah great combo) but he’s better off doing solo and JD…not my favourite but I think he’s the best choice.
Welcome to the strangest party baby…these are the times.
Eurgh..yeah.
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colours anymore, I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and I must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not forsee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colours anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I wanna see your face painted black
Black as night, black as coal
Don't wanna see the sun
Flying high in the sky
I wanna see it painted
Painted, painted
Painted black - Paint It Black, Rolling Stones
It sounds like a Japanese seuperhero theme song. I like it. My dad was singing along to it. Okay, i like it less.
Anyway…Caught Sex & The City again last night. Note to self: Must really get a pair of Monolos before i die.
###
Waiting on a Sunday afternoon
For what I read between the lines
Your lies
Feelin' like a hand in rusted shame
So do you laugh or does it cry
Reply
Leavin' on a southern train
Only yesterday you lied
Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watched the time go by
All of these things you said to me - Interstate Love Song, Stone Temple Pilot
Am back in the office after…a day hiatus.
No. I didn’t have a holiday or whatsoever. I was having some hormonal problems. Heh. However, I wonder if it’s just me…but I can be sick like forever until the day I decide to go to the doctor’s. Yesterday morning, the symptoms were reduced or gone…and I didn’t feel so shitty. What the hell right? Grrr…
CuteGayDoc: What? Hmm..Doesn’t sound good.
Me: Urgh…tell me about it.
CGD: Were you on some kind of medication?
M: No
CGD: Have you done any Pap Smear?
M: No (began to feel panicky and breathless)
CGD: Contraceptions? Contraceptive pills?
M: No (began fidgeting because I could totally guess the next question)
CGD: (with a damn straight gay face) Are you sexually active?
M: (grimacing) Ho hum..no? Ah no..no no. (Ed: It’s a resolute no. Don’t know why I was hesitant. Shy, maybe.)
CGD: I would like to give you a womb scan and a Pap Smear..but obviously we cant do it today.
M: Yes yes..just want to stop.
CGD: STOP IT???
M: Huh? (what did I say???) Oh I mean…it has to stop somehow, right??
CGD: Ah yes of course. I’ll give you some pills to be taken religiously. Once you’re okay, we’ll arrange for a scan. Okay, that’s all.
M: Oh ok..(still continue sitting there…trying to soak it all in)
CGD: Okay that’s all.
M: Oh ok..Thanks.
A scan? A pap smear?
Wanted to catch The Longest Yard after the check up. The showtime was at 1445hrs and it was only 1300hrs. I went home instead because I could feel something brewing up. The stomach discomfort was back and I needed to eat the pills pronto. Then it all came back and I had to keep on running to the loo. Damn frustrating. It was okay this morning! Anyway, slumped myself on the couch and watched Les Choristes again and teared again. When the boys sang, I felt a strong something which made me cry. Maybe it’s the tinge of longing in their voices.
Evening descended and there was no one at home. I met up with ML at the library…walking really slowly. Then I dragged her to KFC. One thing…my appetite has been fucked up lately and lately, I just felt like swallowing anything savoury and sinful. I knew I shouldn’t been chowing fried chickens, fries and especially cold gassy drink…but I had been in discomfort for too long. I really don’t care already.
Anyway…
You..yes, we did talk about you although the air was a bit languid already. We discussed all the “what’s-gonna-happen”s and well, in the end, the answer was a resounding whatever. Then we walked happily to NTUC to do grocery shopping. I guess…we just wished you well, then.
Sweet Suzie McNeil has officially left the building. It’s up to Mig, Marty and JD now…. Mig is my favourite but he’s more poppish and theatrical (wtfark..he’s Danny Zuko!), Marty is cool and scary (yeah great combo) but he’s better off doing solo and JD…not my favourite but I think he’s the best choice.
Welcome to the strangest party baby…these are the times.
Eurgh..yeah.
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colours anymore, I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and I must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not forsee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colours anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I wanna see your face painted black
Black as night, black as coal
Don't wanna see the sun
Flying high in the sky
I wanna see it painted
Painted, painted
Painted black - Paint It Black, Rolling Stones
It sounds like a Japanese seuperhero theme song. I like it. My dad was singing along to it. Okay, i like it less.
Anyway…Caught Sex & The City again last night. Note to self: Must really get a pair of Monolos before i die.
###
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I Like It I’m Not Gonna Crack
Ya Allah…aku nak gambar untuk buku sekolah! Bukan gambar orang tengah horey-horey bermaksiat!
Anyway…
Interspersed work and reading the Star’s blog archives. Why? Because my diaryland was screwed up and I couldn’t access my entries dating back to 2001. Anyway it’s kind of trippy..reading the entries and having The Mamas and The Papas crooning California Dreaming in my ears.
I demand my carefree youth back!
tsk tsk tsk...always in denial. tsk tsk tsk
Oh well…
Thought of catching The Longest Yard today…couldn’t manage to see it last night with Sha. But am rushing to Parkway Parade now. B, IT, CY and I are having dinner with Ainoi. Maybe can catch it tmrw at Jubilee...
Parkway Parade…damn far, lor!
Ta.
Anyway…
Interspersed work and reading the Star’s blog archives. Why? Because my diaryland was screwed up and I couldn’t access my entries dating back to 2001. Anyway it’s kind of trippy..reading the entries and having The Mamas and The Papas crooning California Dreaming in my ears.
I demand my carefree youth back!
tsk tsk tsk...always in denial. tsk tsk tsk
Oh well…
Thought of catching The Longest Yard today…couldn’t manage to see it last night with Sha. But am rushing to Parkway Parade now. B, IT, CY and I are having dinner with Ainoi. Maybe can catch it tmrw at Jubilee...
Parkway Parade…damn far, lor!
Ta.
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