Leonard Cohen afterworld

After 3 days of enduring mounting stomach pains, I hobbled to the clinic last night at 2230hrs, after visiting relatives.

Think my cousin's spicy 'Bamia' (something like beef rendang) and her multi-fruit salad (citric acid!) escalated the pain so much so that I could barely make it to my brother's place after that.

So yeah...on MC today. Tummy still hurts. Meds are taking a while to kick in. Boo.

The Taunt

A cheeky student tried to upset his classmate by messing around with my name.

Yeah.

I still cannot comprehend how it goes.

Happy Sunday, ya'll.

###

So why don't you kill me

Shit has hit the roof, I guess. It is a very sobering thought.

Think I must have mentally aged 20 years more in the last 4 months. I look at my prior existence with regret and a tinge of disdain.

All my mistakes are haunting me now. I am paying so dearly for them right now.

I admit my mistakes. God, please help me.

*sniff*

Blue blue

Brought some students out to Sentosa in the morning...to the SEA Aquarium. 4 hours later I was back with a massive headache.

But it did feel good to be away from the classroom.

First Syawal

Syawal, the month of victory and celebration, is finally here and though it is sad to see Ramadan go, it is time for us to strengthen ties and make amends with friends and relatives.

I had a great day with family. Hope you had a good day too.

Eid mubarak and to my dearest nation whom I love so dearly, Happy National Day.

###

Bila sebut pasal Raya

You know Hari Raya is fast approaching when the mother starts screaming incessantly and bossing everybody around.

The carpet is out. After a 3-year hiatus and hibernation in the store room, the mother has finally decided to give this carpet another chance. Hahaha. Oh the trouble I went through to get this carpet home.

 

I was on my way from Agra to Delhi (India) back in December 2008 when my transport stopped at a sleepy town (Himal Phradesh? Uttar Phradesh? Some Phradesh place if I am nog wrong. Eeks. Cant remember). There was a carpet factory there and I went in. An hour later, I came out with this carpet after some hardcore bargaining.

It was such a chore lugging it around. As I was just carrying a backpack, I couldnt stuff the carpet in my bag. So...I had to lug it on my shoulders. I swear I lost 1-2cm in height when I got back home.

Ah...travelling memories.

These feet are yearning again.

Soon.

###

Hanging out

Last few days of Ramadan. Glad I manage to catch them.

One of those nights when it is good to stay up and pray. Shall start after finishing my school work.

My Ramadan has been blessed so far. Not to say that it has been smooth-sailing but I think I manage to see the positive side of things.

Hope you are having a fruitful Ramadan as well.

###

Almost gone

Uh oh!
Time is running out!
Ramadan is now down to its last week!

No...not enough!


###

Keep calm and be special

We're entering the 8th day of Ramadan. It has been good so far...lots of challenges as usual but...well...nothing in life is easy, right?

 

Got my Hari Raya clothes already. Simple non-fancy stuff. Just the way I like it. Two sets this year, courtesy of the mother - orange and red. No new shoes, no new bags. Am not the sort to buy new bags and shoes for Eid every year. Clothes, yes. Other things, not really.

So, it's my 4th week of working at the new place and I'm about 1 week shy to getting my real pay 'cheque' in months (part-time/freelance work doesn't count!). So far, things have been interesting. Not really sure if they are good or bad but all I can say, things have been enriching and interesting. I am working with teenagers with special needs and there would be days when I would fear for their lives (and mine) and there would be days when I would be so angsty at society for not giving them enough opportunities to live their lives just like how normal people would live.

Colleague-wise, I have managed to form some close ties with a couple of peeps. Even though the pool of staff is big, everyone seems to have gotten their own cliques. Maybe that is one of the downsides of joining an organisation halfway into the year. Or maybe, I am just not friendly enough. But how can it be? I am Miss Congeniality, what!

Haha kidding. It doesn't bother me, seriously. I am still new, still finding my way around. And even when things do get tough, I always remind myself that I had spent 4 months unemployed and now, God has finally given me something which I have always wanted to do. So...smile and be thankful.

Now, what's for lesson tomorrow?

###

Funhouse

Nothing brings comfort like Prickly Heat Powder.

Especially after a long and sweaty day in school, after spending hours trying to contain chaos within a classroom.

Here's to many more tins.

###

Anxiety & panic

I am not one who is up for regrets. But, truth be told, I kind of miss working at TooMuchCrap.

This is the anxiety talking.
Second week of work awaits.

Students will be streaming in tomorrow. Already, I have been getting a fast and furious stream of emails in the last 1 week I've been employed there. Though I am eager to be a part of the team, I am so overwhelmed by the flow of information. I still cannot wrap my head around things.

It's 1230hrs and I can feel my stomach acting up. You see, I have anxiety issues and they manifest themselves into stomach cramps, nausea and insomnia. This anxiety disorder has been with me for 13 years, eversince I started work with Rediffusion. Having to get up for a live morning show gave me an adrenaline rush...which slowly became stress. Then came uni life and subsequent things. Everything came to a climax at MCorp. My anxiety/nerves went out of control. The manifestations became worrying and well, I had to put a stop to it.

So after 4 months of taking it easy (way too easy, as my parents might believe), I am dusting the trail back to anxiety. Some say I should just relax and let nature takes its course. It's a catch-22, really. I thrive on adrenaline but I dont know how to control before it goes to traumatic anxiety level.

I have yet to seek help. Right now, I am just using positive self-talk, religion and a bit of que-sera-sera to get me through the day. I am just hoping that things will soon start to fall into a pattern which I can settle into as painlessly as possible. As it is, planning what to wear can be a little stressful.

Breathes.

Okay. Time to prepare tomorrow's attire and it's time to call it a day.

Good luck to me.

###

Go forth

It has been a week. Everything is very overwhelming right now.

But...like Diana Ross says, there is "ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough" to keep you from your destination.

Question is...do you know where you're going to?

Clearly Diana Ross is messing with my head today.

Stop. In the name of love!

###

Something begins when something else dies

Life has a funny way of helping you out.

It was supposed to be my last weekend as a drifter and as I was drifting in and out of sleep on a clear and sunny Saturday afternoon - a rare case in the recent bout of hazy weather - I received a call from my cousin.

Queen E had passed on around 1530hrs. The mother and I stood in the living room for a while. We had planned to visit her around 1500hrs but at around 1430hrs, the father, who was on his way home from his morning work shift, told us to wait for him so that we could go together. Alas, it was not meant to be.

The father got home around 1600hrs, grabbed some batik cloths and towels and ran out of the door, heading to the hospital. The mother and I followed suit around 30 minutes later and reached the hospital around 1700hrs. Surreal to see Queen E lying there motionless.

The casket only came around 1830hrs and we all headed to my aunt's place at Tampines. There, the wake/vigil took place. Helped around with some preparations and my family returned home at around 0300hrs this morning for a quick rest and shower. By 0700hrs we were back at Tampines.





Flowers for Grandma

The funeral kickstarted around 0800hrs with the arrival of the funeral officers. The lady in-charge of cleaning Queen E's body signalled the start of the process and some female relatives, including the mother, the sister and myself, headed to the kitchen to assist her in preparing the body for the burial.

It was my second time participating in such preparation. The first was in Dec 2009 when my beloved Bibik passed away. Then, my role was more of an observer. This time round, I was more involved. More contact, you can say.

By 1030hrs, we were ready to leave for the cemetery. The mood was a mixture of sombre and relief. Sombre because..duh..death, relief because Queen E has gone to a better place. Insya-Allah, of course.

The brother and the cousin helping out with the burial.

By 1300hrs, everything was all done and dusted. Relieved that everything went on smoothly and that the weather too had been kind. The solidarity and love felt among relatives and friends were truly felt and I am thankful to my friends who reached out and gave comfort in this time of distress. May God return your kindness and see that you are well. Appreciate it.

Dear Nenek, Hajjah Neng Bte Ja'afar, may you have a smooth journey wherever you are going. May Allah protect you and always keep you safe and away from pain. May He place you among the good people and may He allow us to meet again when the right time beckons. Please forgive me for all those occasions in which I had been rude, disobedient or/and obnoxious. Forgive me for holding grudges against you. Forgive me for not spending enough time. As I grow older, I begin to understand how complicated life is and one should not accept or hear things at face value. So Nenek, I am sorry once again and I do hope for your fitful rest. Come Judgement Day, I hope to meet you again. I love you.

...


On another note...it is the day. After 4 months of no full-time employment, the day has come for that tag to expire.

Good evening, Miss Mona.

Last Friday night...

...as a full-time drifter and I chose to stay home. Bah.



Sleeping with Mario tonight, haze or no haze.

###

Bukan superstar

Spent some time with these people recently at a youth camp. They are still in their teenage years and a few can pass off as my kids.

I'm missing their zest already.

Though I was their group facilitator, they, on the other hand, taught me a thing or two about life.

May you all grow up well and be happy.

###

"Trained to be a leader...

...to fight for our land!"

Oh pfft.

As I get older, that song really gets on my nerves. Long gone are those days screaming the tune as I marched/ran/crawled up and down fields and parade squares as ordered by over-zealous instructors.

And no..I didnt even sign up to be in the army. Bah.

But anyway, that is not my point. The point is that in 3 hrs' time, I will be participating in a camp organised for 'at-risk' youths.

I cant remember when was the last time I attended a non-NPCC camp. It will be different. I wont have my rank to throw around and will have to rely on my (lack of) charm and luck.

Hope I wont fail as a facilitator. Hope no camper under my surveillance disappear or get into trouble.

Hope I can get along fine with other facilitators/instructors...people whom I just met once. Hope I dont pass off as too showy, or too cowardly, or too passive, or..well..too old.

Hope it rains tomorrow afternoon. Not so heavy it goes on for days, but heavy enough for the high rope obstacle session to be cancelled. Lord I hate those things.

I do, however, hope for sunny weather on Sunday for we will be having rafting and sea-based activities. The sun can shine for as long as it wants then.

Tsk. Such a troublesome person.

I guess ultimately, I just want to survive this without getting sick or injured. And have fun, of course.

Good luck everybody.


P/S: No electrical powerpoint at site for me to charge my phone!

Copa de la vida, si?

There's a 5am match later.



Minah nak 'step' Latina.

Tsk.


P/S: Hoping I use 'step' in the right Minah-speak.


###

We do what we do

Two weeks have flown and Nenek is still here at Changi Hospital. She experiences renal failure and ..to use a layman's term...is just waiting for her time to meet the Maker.

Yesterday we went to a maid agency and got a Burmese maid for her. Think if all goes well, the maid will be here by end of June. The hospital has gently told us to bring Nenek home. Since the maid is not here yet, think my dad and auntie will place Nenek in a home for a week or something.

Hai Nenek...may you be comfortable and free from worldly pains soon.

###

Are you lucky?

After Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines, this has to be my 'summer' anthem. And hey, hey, hey...what do you know?

Pharrell is here too.

Love you, Abang P.



Just wondering. If you're up all night trying to get lucky, then maybe, just maybe, you're up all night at the wrong place.

Just saying.

###

La ilaha illallah

I like Barca as a collective entity cause no individual is above team, even with regards to my most favourite players like Cantona, Solskjaer, Maradona and Ronaldinho.

And to liken Messi to 'god'...puh-leeze. He is a fantastic player but he has been proven to be kinda inefficient, just like everyone else, when the chips were done.

Case in point: Barca's last match in their last Champions' League game.

Nevertheless, welcome Neymar to Barca. Hope you have a good life and maybe, feel a tiny tinge of regret for not joining a certain Moyes and his team.

###