Help me..help me....

Seasons in the sun

As some of you may know, the season has begun. American TV season, that is.

It means from now till about April next year, many of my nights will be spent with my nose stuck to my laptop screen, watching in rabid concentration as my favourite TV characters take centrestage.

What can I say...other than "I am a TV-addict"?

Who moved my cheese?

You?

To whoever, wherever, whenever.

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Oh well.


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Souls to squeeze

Friends are like underwear.
Some crawl up your ass.
Some snap under pressure.
Some don't have the strength to hold you up.
Some get a little twisted.
Some are your favourites.
Some are cheap and just plain nasty.
And some actually do cover your ass when u need them too.

...

I love my friends :)


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Wicked thing

The song...the dance.

So sexy.

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Rivers and Roads

Two years late.


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Tangy Tuesday

I decided to raid the fridge at around 2pm and well...just like the challenge on 'Masterchef', I began to whip something from the things I saw in front of me.

Only mine had the recipe for disaster. Haha.

Anyway, 30 mins later, I had a bowl of steaming rice in front of me, together with spicy beef stew with crunchy bean sprouts and carrots. Afraid that the stew would backfire in my face, I also had fish fillet to back me up.

The tangy stew turned out okay. A bit bland but nevertheless, spicy (bet you didnt know it's possible, right? kwa kwa kwa!). Since the fish was there, it wouldnt hurt to eat just one since it was already cooked anyway.

It's 3.30pm now.

I dont know what else to do.

Next one-week school break I must make sure I have a solid 7-day plan.

Counting sheep and stars

 

 

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars

I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find

Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

I feel something so right yet
doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn

 Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

And I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

---------

 

Story of my life.

 

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Leonard Cohen afterworld

After 3 days of enduring mounting stomach pains, I hobbled to the clinic last night at 2230hrs, after visiting relatives.

Think my cousin's spicy 'Bamia' (something like beef rendang) and her multi-fruit salad (citric acid!) escalated the pain so much so that I could barely make it to my brother's place after that.

So yeah...on MC today. Tummy still hurts. Meds are taking a while to kick in. Boo.

The Taunt

A cheeky student tried to upset his classmate by messing around with my name.

Yeah.

I still cannot comprehend how it goes.

Happy Sunday, ya'll.

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So why don't you kill me

Shit has hit the roof, I guess. It is a very sobering thought.

Think I must have mentally aged 20 years more in the last 4 months. I look at my prior existence with regret and a tinge of disdain.

All my mistakes are haunting me now. I am paying so dearly for them right now.

I admit my mistakes. God, please help me.

*sniff*

Blue blue

Brought some students out to Sentosa in the morning...to the SEA Aquarium. 4 hours later I was back with a massive headache.

But it did feel good to be away from the classroom.

First Syawal

Syawal, the month of victory and celebration, is finally here and though it is sad to see Ramadan go, it is time for us to strengthen ties and make amends with friends and relatives.

I had a great day with family. Hope you had a good day too.

Eid mubarak and to my dearest nation whom I love so dearly, Happy National Day.

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Bila sebut pasal Raya

You know Hari Raya is fast approaching when the mother starts screaming incessantly and bossing everybody around.

The carpet is out. After a 3-year hiatus and hibernation in the store room, the mother has finally decided to give this carpet another chance. Hahaha. Oh the trouble I went through to get this carpet home.

 

I was on my way from Agra to Delhi (India) back in December 2008 when my transport stopped at a sleepy town (Himal Phradesh? Uttar Phradesh? Some Phradesh place if I am nog wrong. Eeks. Cant remember). There was a carpet factory there and I went in. An hour later, I came out with this carpet after some hardcore bargaining.

It was such a chore lugging it around. As I was just carrying a backpack, I couldnt stuff the carpet in my bag. So...I had to lug it on my shoulders. I swear I lost 1-2cm in height when I got back home.

Ah...travelling memories.

These feet are yearning again.

Soon.

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Hanging out

Last few days of Ramadan. Glad I manage to catch them.

One of those nights when it is good to stay up and pray. Shall start after finishing my school work.

My Ramadan has been blessed so far. Not to say that it has been smooth-sailing but I think I manage to see the positive side of things.

Hope you are having a fruitful Ramadan as well.

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Almost gone

Uh oh!
Time is running out!
Ramadan is now down to its last week!

No...not enough!


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Keep calm and be special

We're entering the 8th day of Ramadan. It has been good so far...lots of challenges as usual but...well...nothing in life is easy, right?

 

Got my Hari Raya clothes already. Simple non-fancy stuff. Just the way I like it. Two sets this year, courtesy of the mother - orange and red. No new shoes, no new bags. Am not the sort to buy new bags and shoes for Eid every year. Clothes, yes. Other things, not really.

So, it's my 4th week of working at the new place and I'm about 1 week shy to getting my real pay 'cheque' in months (part-time/freelance work doesn't count!). So far, things have been interesting. Not really sure if they are good or bad but all I can say, things have been enriching and interesting. I am working with teenagers with special needs and there would be days when I would fear for their lives (and mine) and there would be days when I would be so angsty at society for not giving them enough opportunities to live their lives just like how normal people would live.

Colleague-wise, I have managed to form some close ties with a couple of peeps. Even though the pool of staff is big, everyone seems to have gotten their own cliques. Maybe that is one of the downsides of joining an organisation halfway into the year. Or maybe, I am just not friendly enough. But how can it be? I am Miss Congeniality, what!

Haha kidding. It doesn't bother me, seriously. I am still new, still finding my way around. And even when things do get tough, I always remind myself that I had spent 4 months unemployed and now, God has finally given me something which I have always wanted to do. So...smile and be thankful.

Now, what's for lesson tomorrow?

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Funhouse

Nothing brings comfort like Prickly Heat Powder.

Especially after a long and sweaty day in school, after spending hours trying to contain chaos within a classroom.

Here's to many more tins.

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Anxiety & panic

I am not one who is up for regrets. But, truth be told, I kind of miss working at TooMuchCrap.

This is the anxiety talking.
Second week of work awaits.

Students will be streaming in tomorrow. Already, I have been getting a fast and furious stream of emails in the last 1 week I've been employed there. Though I am eager to be a part of the team, I am so overwhelmed by the flow of information. I still cannot wrap my head around things.

It's 1230hrs and I can feel my stomach acting up. You see, I have anxiety issues and they manifest themselves into stomach cramps, nausea and insomnia. This anxiety disorder has been with me for 13 years, eversince I started work with Rediffusion. Having to get up for a live morning show gave me an adrenaline rush...which slowly became stress. Then came uni life and subsequent things. Everything came to a climax at MCorp. My anxiety/nerves went out of control. The manifestations became worrying and well, I had to put a stop to it.

So after 4 months of taking it easy (way too easy, as my parents might believe), I am dusting the trail back to anxiety. Some say I should just relax and let nature takes its course. It's a catch-22, really. I thrive on adrenaline but I dont know how to control before it goes to traumatic anxiety level.

I have yet to seek help. Right now, I am just using positive self-talk, religion and a bit of que-sera-sera to get me through the day. I am just hoping that things will soon start to fall into a pattern which I can settle into as painlessly as possible. As it is, planning what to wear can be a little stressful.

Breathes.

Okay. Time to prepare tomorrow's attire and it's time to call it a day.

Good luck to me.

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