Fossil

At a school camp. The men beside me, Ryan and Mike...well I knew them since they were 13. Now they are in their mid-20s.

I remember them being pesky cadets many many moons ago. I taught them footdrill, arms drill, survival skills, camp knowledge and many other knowledge which may or may not be useful in their lives.

Now...they are done with NS and in a couple of years' time, get married.

Wah.

I am so old.

###

Don't want the heart to break

Rule number one, is that you gotta have fun
But baby when you're done, you gotta be the first to run
Rule number two, just don't get attached to
Somebody you could lose
So le-let me tell you

This is how to be a heartbreaker
Boys they like a little danger
We'll get him falling for a stranger
A player, singing I lo-lo-love you
How to be a heartbreaker
Boys they like the look of danger
We'll get him falling for a stranger
A player, singing I lo-lo-love you
At least I think I do

Cause I lo-lo-lo-love you

Rule number three, wear your heart on your cheek
But never on your sleeve, unless you wanna taste defeat
Rule number four, gotta be looking pure
Kiss him goodbye at the door, and leave him wanting more, more

This is how to be a heartbreaker
Boys they like a little danger
We'll get him falling for a stranger
A player, singing lo-lo-love you
How to be a heartbreaker
Boys they like the look of danger
We'll get him falling for a stranger
A player, singing lo-lo-love you
At least I think I do

Cause I lo-lo-love you

Girls, we do, whatever it will take
Cause girls don't want, we don't want our hearts to break in two
So it's better to be fake, can't risk losing
In love again, ba-abe

This is how to be a heartbreaker
Boys they like a little danger
We'll get him falling for a stranger
A player, singing lo-lo-love you
How to be a heartbreaker
Boys they like the look of danger
We'll get him falling for a stranger
A player, singing lo-lo-love you

Cause I lo-lo-lo-love you

At least I think I do
###

Ode to the gender I love

There is always a weird vibe going on. So strange and glad we do not meet often. But when we did, I felt...refreshed. See? That's such a weird description. One does not feel refreshed upon meeting another person. One feels happy, angry, ecstatic. Anything but refreshed. Told you it is weird.

Or maybe it could be the presence of other elements.
Maybe. But that's not the point here.

I am thinking of what happened and I cannot help but smile. I am not big on conversations so I tend to pick up on little things like gestures, mannerisms and intentions and well, I think I kind of like what I have picked up.

Kind of, cause I am one who is never sure of anything. I go heads-on on things I do not know where they will lead me to. Some people do not like that part of me and I do not blame them. I do not like that sometimes too.

Where was I?

...

So you ask me many things. Things I am never sure of. You say maybe I am what I am because I am not part of a whole. You say two people make a whole and I am not a whole. You say I am not opening my eyes. You ask why I am not trying. You ask me if I like girls now cause I am just so blasé about men, love and relationships. That always makes me laugh because of all the things I am not sure of, I do definitely know girls are never my preference. At least right now.

...

So we opened up. You saw a bit of my world and you did not run away. Though I think you were too tired to get up from the chair.

I think you are getting more curious and braver though you insisting to prove something to me sometimes seems quite baffling. Whenever you do that, I find myself moving backwards each time that happens. The steps behind are always more than those little inches I manage to gather to the front. You see, I am never good around these things. I do not know how to feed your ego because growing up, I have always been left alone. I do not know how to react when there is someone sharing whatever tiny space I have around me.

Back to your ego.

Okay. I have nothing to say about your ego because I think you are behaving just like how other men are behaving. So I guess, it is a natual one. But, I just want to say it can be a buzz-kill. And you know me, it is always about the buzz, the vibe, the feel. Gosh, I am such a woman.

Anyway, it has been nice. I am not expecting anything because expectations always never do me good. You however are intense. Sometimes it scares the beezlebubs out of me whenever I see you. Which is not often and I am glad. I think.

I think your presence scares me. It does excite a little but it scares me more. Your world, your life, your hopes, your dreams. Dropping hints that I should be in them seems scary. Wait, are those hints? Or are you asking? Or are these the plans I am not sure of?

See, I do not want to be that crazy person who starts to question herself (this is an exception. this is my blog. peace.) and starts to ponder: (these are just examples. I am not saying that I have these thoughts with regards to my life)

"Does he like me?"
"Did he just ask me to be his wife?"
"Did he just say that to make me smile?"
"Did he just do that?"
"Does he do that to other girls?"
"What am I to him?"

See, these are the questions that will drive any girl crazy. I know because I have seen my girl friends going all mental when they start questioning themselves with these. And I do not want it upon myself so excuse me when I have that blank look on my face every once in a while because I am processing the semantics and pushing them out of my head within seconds.

And next time you see that split second blankness...*hint hint*...I think what you can do is to just take my hand and say everything will be okay.

Okay.
Maybe touching hand is a tough zone for me.
How about stroke/pat my back and say everything will be okay?
No...I might be all sweaty and uncomfortable.
How about just a knowing smile?

My my...an entry about everything, yet it really speaks of nothing. Just processing the semantics, I guess. You have been chilled all your life and your sudden surge of urgency is ...for the lack of a better word, refreshing. But I do like the chilled you. No drama. Not intense. Like I said, intense people scare the beezlebubs out of me. With me, you do not have to prove yourself. I like our air of innocence. You bring out the glee in me. Scared, but gleeful. Always feel like a little girl whenever we hang out.

Little girl as in feeling gleeful. Rolling-around-meadows, the-hills-are-alive kind of gleeful little girl. Not the paedophile-case files one.

So my dear Jake Gyllenhaal (haha!), this is me.
I hope I do not pass off as one psycho-bitch cause hell no, I am not.
I am not stone-cold or aloof or standoffish or nonchalant.
I am scared. Unsure. But with lots of glee.
I do not wear my heart on my sleeve.
I do not say I have innocence or purity.
But I do keep a clean, open and honest heart.
For whatever it is worth, I hope that is enough.
For now.

###

Some nights

35 days since I was officially jobless.

A lot of things happened - two weddings, a funeral, a trip to Burma, some interviews and a few trips to the hospital to accompany the father.

Of course, some heavy duty sleeping going on too. And reading. Finished 5 books. So proud of myself, even though the choice of books was not-so stellar. Dont ask.

All right. Will update on the Burmese trip soon. I'd kept a travel log when I was there and boy, it sure was some colourful recording. I cant wait to share but...ah...the thought of transferring them here sounds tedious already.

But...it will be done.

Eventually.

###

Gimme a reason

We can always love again.

Is it time?

###

The Oscar day!

30 mins to actual Oscars...here are my predictions!

Best Picture
"Beasts of the Southern Wild"
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Zero Dark Thirty"
"Lincoln"
"Les Miserables"
"Life of Pi"
"Amour"
"Django Unchained"
"Argo

Ed's choice: Argo
Winner: Argo!!!


Best Supporting Actor
Christoph Waltz, "Django Unchained"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "The Master"
Robert De Niro, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Alan Arkin, "Argo"
Tommy Lee Jones, "Lincoln"

Ed's choice: Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Winner:  Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained


Best Supporting Actress
Sally Field, "Lincoln"
Anne Hathaway, "Les Miserables"
Jacki Weaver, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Helen Hunt, "The Sessions"
Amy Adams, "The Master"

Ed's choice: Amy Adams, The Master
Winner: Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables


Best Director
David O. Russell, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Ang Lee, "Life of Pi"
Steven Spielberg, "Lincoln"
Michael Haneke, "Amour"
Benh Zeitlin, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Ed's choice: Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Winner: Ang Lee, Life of Pi


Best Actor
Daniel Day Lewis, "Lincoln"
Denzel Washington, "Flight"
Hugh Jackman, "Les Miserables"
Bradley Cooper, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Joaquin Phoenix, "The Master"

Ed's choice: Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
Winner: Daniel Day Lewis, Lincoln


Best Actress
Naomi Watts, "The Impossible"
Jessica Chastain, "Zero Dark Thirty"
Jennifer Lawrence, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Emmanuelle Riva, "Amour"
Quvenzhané Wallis, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Ed's choice: Quvenzhane Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Winner: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook


Best Original Screenplay
"Zero Dark Thirty"
"Django Unchained"
"Moonrise Kingdom"
"Amour"
"Flight"

Ed's choice: Moonrise Kingdom
Winner: Django Unchained


Best Adapted Screenplay
"Lincoln"
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Argo"
"Life of Pi"
"Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Ed's choice: Argo
Winner: Argo


Best Animated Feature
"Frankenweenie"
"The Pirates! Band of Misfits"
"Wreck-It Ralph"
"Paranorman"
"Brave"

Ed's choice: Brave
Winner: Brave


Best Foreign Feature
"Amour"
"A Royal Affair"
"Kon-Tiki"
"No"
"War Witch"

Ed's choice: Amour
Winner: Amour


Best Visual Effects
"Life of Pi"
"The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey"
"The Avengers"
"Prometheus"
"Snow White and the Huntsman"

Ed's choice: Life of Pi
Winner: Life of Pi


Best Cinematography
"Skyfall"
"Anna Karenina"
"Django Unchained"
"Life of Pi"
"Lincoln"

Ed's choice: Skyfall
Winner: Life of Pi


Best Costume Design
"Anna Karenina"
"Les Miserables"
"Lincoln"
"Mirror Mirror"
"Snow White and the Huntsman"

Ed's choice: Anna Karenina
Winner: Anna Karenina


Best Film Editing
"Lincoln"
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Life of Pi"
"Argo"
"Zero Dark Thirty"

Ed's choice: Argo
Winner: Argo


Best Makeup and Hairstyling
"Hitchcock"
"The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey"
"Les Miserables"

Ed's choice: Hitchcock
Winner: Les Miserables


Best Music (Original Score)
"Anna Karenina"
"Argo"
"Life of Pi"
"Lincoln"
"Skyfall"

Ed's choice: Life of Pi
Winner: Life of Pi


Best Music (Original Song)
"Before My Time" from "Chasing Ice"
"Everybody Needs A Best Friend" from "Ted"
"Pi's Lullaby" from "Life of Pi"
"Skyfall" from "Skyfall"
"Suddenly" from "Les Misérables"

Ed's choice: Skyfall
Winner: Skyfall


Best Sound Editing
"Argo"
"Django Unchained"
"Life of Pi"
"Skyfall"
"Zero Dark Thirty"

Ed's choice: Django Unchained
Winner: Tie -- Zero Dark Thirty & Skyfall


Best Sound Mixing
"Argo"
"Les Misérables"
"Life of Pi"
"Lincoln"
"Skyfall"

Ed's choice: Les Miserables
Winner: Les Miserables


See you next here, Oscar!


###

Dusty trail

Day 3 in Bagan.

Keep calm and eat dust

###

Sleepy.town

Here I am.

So sleepy.

It is 1250hrs Yangon time and I am already in my pyjamas. Too hot outside and I am too sleepy.


###

Moonrise

Am on my way to the airport...to Yangon.

Pray for my well-being. And of course, rest assured that I will take care of myself and be a good person.

Bismillahirahmanirahim.
May my journey be sheltered from harm.


Amin amin rabbal al amin.

###

Morning...

Not Van Persie's day...

...and Kagawa's.


10 more mins at the Bernabeu.


###

Sing to the dawn

It's Wednesday now. That means I am just two days shy of my great Burmese escape. Well, not really an escape - just a week. But truth be told, I am actually kind of nervous. So funny. We share almost similar culture yet I am nervous. I would have been more comfortable in Aussie or US but no, I had to choose Myanmar.

And to think I got tickets without even knowing I had to get a visa.
The nerves!

So here's the rough plan.

Day 1-2
- land in Yangon
- check out Shwedagon Paya

- Kyaikto
- Aung San Suu Kyi house (if I can!)

 

 

Day 3-5

- reach Bagan

- lepak
- Bagan temples

- travel in horse/cart

- lepak

- take hot air balloon (possible if I beg the operators to take me in for free. No $$$)

Day 5-6

- reach Inle

- lepak

- Inle Lake

Day 7

- Yangon

Day 8

- Home

....hope it goes well.

###

Apple

...still freaking out.

*breathes*

Think of your happy place.
New York was my happy place.
Perth was my happy place.
Tioman was my happy place.
I am my happy place.
Happy.

Dont freak out. It'll pass. Soon comes sunrise and nothing's worth the suss.

We'll be all right.


###

Ah, freak out!

Barely two days of unemployment and here I am...at 3am on Chinese New Year...eating ice cream and breaking in cold sweat.

Did I make the right move?

I know I had thought it over. But the thinking was when I had a job. Now it is a different kind of thinking.

The last time I did I was 26. It turned out fine and I discovered teaching was the love of my life.

It's 7 years later now. I dont know what it is going to happen.

And I freaked out cause I saw my January bills. Bills which I already paid and was about to throw them away. Freaked out what if I cannot pay the next bills...and the next...and the next?

Oh boy.


###

Medusa

Wishing everyone a good Chinese New Year break.

Gong xi fa cai!
Xin nian kuai le!
Wan shi ru yi!
Bu bu jian kang!
Nian nian you yu!
Ming nian you boyfriend!
San nian you baby!

###

New

The day has come. It is today. Felt like yesterday it all started. ###

Saturday night live

Good lord it's already February and that means...yup...my working days in you-know-where are almost over. This time next week I'll be jobless.

I'm going to miss that place and the people I've come to know, especially Foon, Steve and Nani. They made my stay there so lively. Going to miss going back home with Meiling too.

Of course I'll miss the work. Though I know I'm not good at it but it did open my eyes to the world of entertainment. And I met my childhood Bollywood hero - Kamal Hassan - face to face!

...of course I dont like him anymore after that cause dude's such a diva.

Good times.

So, what am I going to do?

Going take some time off. Spend time with my family, look after my health for a bit cause it hasnt been peachy lately. Follow my dad to check ups cause apparently his lungs and heart are having some complications.

I will do freelance teaching whenever I can (at $100 an hour I dont mind not having CPF for the time being!) and maybe freelance writing too. This freelancing life is going to be interesting. We'll see how long it will last.

So...that's life in short.

More updates to come.


###

Ya lah!

At the Sentosa Experiential museum.


###

What would I do...

My dad has been on my mind lately, ever since he shared the health scare with us. Nothing else to say without me feeling all sick in the stomach thinking about it. So here's Drew Holcomb & the Neighbours.



Sometimes I wake up with a sadness
Other days, it feels like madness
So, what would I do without you

When colors turn to shades of gray
With the weight of the world at the end of the day
Oh, what would I do without you

A decade goes by without a warning
And there's still a kindness in your eyes
Amidst the questions and the worry
A peace of mind always takes me by surprise

I feel like I'm walking with eyes as blind
As a man without a lantern in a coal mine
Oh, what would I do without you

My imagination gets the best of me
And I'm trying to hide
Lost at sea
Oh, what would I do without you

The difference between what I've said and done
And you're still standing by my side
A guilty soul and a worried mind
I will never make it
If I'm on my own

So you got the morning
I got midnight
You are patient
I'm always on time
Oh, what would I do without you

You got your sunshine
I got rain clouds
You got hope
I got my doubts

So, what would I do without you
Oh, what would I do without you
Oh, what would I do without you

###

Bay

After a night at Marina Bay Sands with dear ole Meiling, it is time to go to work.

Birthday's over.

Life goes on.


###

The end sums up the beginning

May it get better.

Happy birthday!

:)


###

Meet Eve

It's the day before the first day of my 33rd life. How do I feel?

Amidst all the health scare happening around me, I feel blesses that I still have the chance to turn older. I never thought I could live beyond 28. Silly, I know.

So yes...32nd year has been bizarre. Slightly chaotic. But the highlight was that I got to go to Italia - something I didnt think I could do in my 20s.

So...here's to another good age. More rounded and a curvier set of numbers.

Thank you my friends for celebrating it witb me.

###

And the award goes to...(a rehearsal)

Am hating this new Blogger layout. Will transfer to Wix soon, I swear. But, in time.


ANYWAY of all the things I recorded in this still-surviving-but-gasping-for-air blog, I didnt explain the medical check-up that I had last week. It was the check-up of my life so far and what came out of it wasnt really good.

But I am not in any mood to pen that down. Illness comes and goes, I guess. And I think constant worrying will feed it further. So, I'll just try to live well and hope for the best.
It's almost mid-January and that means...aaah...the birthday is coming. 33 - what a number.Double the curves, double the bends. Not sure if things will be smooth-sailing but I am sure whatever it is, it will be interesting.

With the passing of January, it also means that the frantic season of the Academy Awards, aka Oscars, is coming. In fact, the nomination list was officially out last night and damn, so many movies I have to see before the actual day on 25 Feb.
The movies are slowly being released and if I cannot catch all (of course I cant. Wreck-It Ralph is not my thing!), I at least need to clear my Best Picture roll.

*breathes*
Here goes nothing.
Will only make predictions a few days before the day itself, after I see most, if not all of the movies.

Best Picture
"Beasts of the Southern Wild"
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Zero Dark Thirty"
"Lincoln"
"Les Miserables"
"Life of Pi"
"Amour"
"Django Unchained"
"Argo

Best Supporting Actor
Christoph Waltz, "Django Unchained"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "The Master"
Robert De Niro, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Alan Arkin, "Argo"
Tommy Lee Jones, "Lincoln"

Best Supporting Actress
Sally Field, "Lincoln"
Anne Hathaway, "Les Miserables"
Jacki Weaver, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Helen Hunt, "The Sessions"
Amy Adams, "The Master"

Best Director
David O. Russell, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Ang Lee, "Life of Pi"
Steven Spielberg, "Lincoln"
Michael Haneke, "Amour"
Benh Zeitlin, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Best Actor
Daniel Day Lewis, "Lincoln"
Denzel Washington, "Flight"
Hugh Jackman, "Les Miserables"
Bradley Cooper, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Joaquin Phoenix, "The Master"

Best Actress
Naomi Watts, "The Impossible"
Jessica Chastain, "Zero Dark Thirty"
Jennifer Lawrence, "Silver Linings Playbook"
Emmanuelle Riva, "Amour"
Quvenzhané Wallis, "Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Best Original Screenplay
"Zero Dark Thirty"
"Django Unchained"
"Moonrise Kingdom"
"Amour"
"Flight"

Best Adapted Screenplay
"Lincoln"
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Argo"
"Life of Pi"
"Beasts of the Southern Wild"

Best Animated Feature
"Frankenweenie"
"The Pirates! Band of Misfits"
"Wreck-It Ralph"
"Paranorman"
"Brave"

Best Foreign Feature
"Amour"
"A Royal Affair"
"Kon-Tiki"
"No"
"War Witch"

Best Visual Effects
"Life of Pi"
"The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey"
"The Avengers"
"Prometheus"
"Snow White and the Huntsman"

Best Cinematography
"Skyfall"
"Anna Karenina"
"Django Unchained"
"Life of Pi"
"Lincoln"

Best Costume Design
"Anna Karenina"
"Les Miserables"
"Lincoln"
"Mirror Mirror"
"Snow White and the Huntsman"

Best Documentary Feature
"Searching for Sugar Man"
"How to Survive a Plague"
"The Gatekeepers"
"5 Broken Cameras"
"The Invisible War"

Best Documentary Short
"Open Heart"
"Inocente"
"Redemption"
"Kings Point"
"Mondays at Racine"
"Snow White and the Huntsman"

Best Film Editing
"Lincoln"
"Silver Linings Playbook"
"Life of Pi"
"Argo"
"Zero Dark Thirty"

Best Makeup and Hairstyling
"Hitchcock"
"The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey"
"Les Miserables"

Best Music (Original Score)
"Anna Karenina"
"Argo"
"Life of Pi"
"Lincoln"
"Skyfall"
Best Music (Original Song)
"Before My Time" from "Chasing Ice"
"Everybody Needs A Best Friend" from "Ted"
"Pi's Lullaby" from "Life of Pi"
"Skyfall" from "Skyfall"
"Suddenly" from "Les Misérables"

Best Production Design
"Anna Karenina"
"The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey"
"Les Misérables"
"Life of Pi"
"Lincoln"

Best Short Film, Animated
"Adam and Dog"
"Fresh Guacamole"
"Head over Heels"
"Maggie Simpson in 'The Longest Daycare'"
"Paperman"

Best Short Film, Live Action
"Asad"
"Buzkashi Boys"
"Curfew"
"Death of a Shadow (Dood van een Schaduw)"
"Henry"

Best Sound Editing
"Argo"
"Django Unchained"
"Life of Pi"
"Skyfall"
"Zero Dark Thirty"


Best Sound Mixing
"Argo"
"Les Misérables"
"Life of Pi"
"Lincoln"
"Skyfall"
Gonna camp in cinemas when I am not at work.


###

Are we humans?

Now I know 3/4 of the story.

How can a heart be so cold?

How can a love grow so old?

We will never ever ever ever get back together, said Taylor Swift.

And with that, the chapter ends.


P/S: No...not my love story which os yet to find a parking spot.

Down all around in and out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hphfK8YMphc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I am not embarrassed to say I can rap to this filth.

Till this day.


###

Discuss Disgust

Four days into the new year and already I feel god damn dirty.

No...I am.

Right now I am just so disgusted, upset and at my wits' end with...myself.

Hope this is not a sign of a stinking year.


...touche.


###

Satyricon

Spending quality time with my Queen...my fairy godmother, Kylie Minogue.

Happy new year, Queen Mother.


###

Ringleader

My favourite?

Queen's Show Must Go On.

Indeed 2013.

###

Buon anno

First post of 2013. Hope this marks a good year. The zodiac predicts a lousy year but seriously, it read a crappy one last year too and all the years before. So as usual, horoscopes to the curb. Never a fan of them cause they're all a farce. I wrote them myself when I was a radio presenter.

Oops.
Did I say that?

So what did you do last night? I rung in the New Year in the middle of a road, crossing a traffic light after watching a really sad French movie called 'Amour'.

It's about this old man who struggled through to take care of his wife who had stroke...and then when she was in so much pain, he smothered her with a pillow to end it all.

While watching the show I remembered Bibik's last days at the hospital 3 years ago. Just like that. Her gasping...her soft moaning...okay let's stop this now.

2012. What was your highlight? Mine definitely were my travel stories.

This time in 2012, I just came home from Bali after a night of great kampung partying under the stars. I had a good trip to Hong Kong in March with the parents, sister and Lexie and finally got to share my passion for Hong Kong with the people I love.

Then somewhere in April (or May?), I had a really short break and headed to Krabi with the sister for some sea loving. I got a really cool accommodation...had the pool just steps away from my bed...and spent most of my time in the water. Cause I am such a sea baby, I took my country bumpkin sister island hopping around Phi Phi island and swim/snorkel. I really fell in love with Krabi and have plans of heading back :)

But of course my ultimo highlight was my 15-day adventure in Italia with Lauren and Jing.

Milan, Venice, Tuscany (Florence, Pisa, San Gimignano, Arezzo, San Giovanni), Vatican and Rome...we walked through them all till my soles were cobbled-beaten. I even managed to squeeze a football match between AS Roma (Totti!!) and Bologna at the majestic Stadio Olimpico. Oh...and Liz's wedding at the beautiful Villa Barberino at the Tuscan countryside. My, that was a great day.

Of course I got a lot of flak for taking a 2-week leave from work. I was told that in future, I couldnt take such a long leave. That got me really ruffled and immediately I felt so suffocated...chained with an iron ball at my feet. Still I had to be above my emotions and hung on.

Yes. It's just that but I felt that 'commandment' was the heaviest sentence to befall on me. Not that I was planning to go away for two weeks again every month but to know that I couldnt do it anymore made my heart ache so badly. I couldnt imagine not doing what I love most - to travel far and wide.

To not be able to go away after a period of being a rat in a sad rodent life (modern life is rubbish) is devastating. Four months after and I am still hurt. It undermined the euphoria I felt while in Italy. I felt angry upon return.

But I have let it past. At 32, I am less angry. I dont resign (myself to fate) but I have learnt to be diplomatic, pragmatic, elastic...fantastic..etc. I believe strongly in karma and I let God now do the judging.

So help me, God.

Love-wise...2012 must be one of the most boring years in that aspect. Sure, heart fluttered a few times but none was strong enough to turn into something else.

BUT it is okay. I have seen marriages rocky enough for me to stay away. Though I love the idea of a matrimonial union, I'm not the sort who grovel and bemoan of the lack thereof.

No...never the grovelling and clingy kind. What kind of love requires one to be like that anyway? Where pride goes on the line? Where you hang yourself out to dry?

Hah. Maybe that's why I am still single. Never take things serious enough to be beyond myself. Ah. It is okay.

So 2013. Just want to be happy. To do what I love. To get what I deserve. To feel what I am worth. All that constitute to being happy.

Oh...of course to spend time with my nieces and parents before they get too old.

Too old to hang out with their cool auntie. Too old to live.

Happy new year, my friend.


###

The last one

Weather's cool, stomach's full.

Are we ready for the last nap of the year?

Join me!

zzzzzzzzz


###

Should I speak of love?

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed. 
In these past few days, when I've seen myself, 
I seem like someone else.

I don't know how to take this. 
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. 
He's just a man. 
And I've had so many men before, 
In very many ways, 
He's just one more.

Should I bring him down? 
Should I scream and shout? 
Should I speak of love, 
Let my feelings out? 

I never thought I'd come to this. 
What's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny, 
I should be in this position. 
I'm the one who's always been 
So calm, so cool, 
No lover's fool, 
Running every show. 
He scares me so.

I never thought I'd come to this. 
What's it all about?

Yet, if he said he loved me, 
I'd be lost.
I'd be frightened. 
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope. 
I'd turn my head.
 I'd back away. 
I wouldn't want to know. 
He scares me so. 
I want him so. 
I love him so. - I Don't Know How To Love Him

Well that's from Jesus Christ Superstar...one of those musicals I am dying to watch. Anyhow, that's not the point. I was brought back to this song just about recently, thanks to watching my friends' marital experiences.

I have seen a few things and boy, did they scare the living spinster out of me. Just how much do we know the person we have come to share our lives with? Is it important to lay out the cards before we choose to be known as man and wife? How on earth did those couples who went through arranged marriage did it and manage to stay married forever?

How can we not bite the fruits of temptation and not succumb to adultery, doubt, jealousy? Is faith enough not to make us weak? If that's the case, why have we heard cases of men and women of faith succumbing? If we use the notion that we are only humans, then what should we be to avoid all these?

By becoming...better humans?
By not being humans?
What?

I am not thinking too much. If you were to ask my boss, she would tell you that I dont think at all (gee, thanks boss). These are just some questions which arose recently from real-time situations. Being someone who is really cautious when it comes to relationships, I wonder if many couples really know the people they are marrying.

Were they caught up on the romantic notion of a beautiful wedding? Were they caught up on the idea of growing old with kids surrounding them that they forgot to focus on the 'now'? How did the love they plant become so toxic over a period of time? Are married couples allowed to just stop trying and call it quits?

We always say God have the answers (sorry, not them Smarties chocolates) and we always take things that happen to us as signs from him. For example, constant miscarriages mean you are not fated to have a baby, three motorcycle accidents mean riding pillion is not for you, etc...but strangely, missing three meals dont make you stay away from food forever. Heartaches dont make you stop wanting to find love.

So why should you quit trying just because you have a setback or two...or five?


###

Almost an exit

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?

They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down they started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They wont make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happy there today, today

The children woke up
And they couldn't find 'em
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off and left it all behind 'em
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They wont make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happy there today, today - The Way, Fastball

...

My January theme song.

Why?

Stay tune.



###

Luke 14:10

Crashing a staycation.

But...where's the people?


###

Look closer

Just woke up and I thought...wow...it's almost Xmas and that means the year is coming to an end.

That means, January is nearing (o, Sherlock!) and that my birthday is almost here.

I examined my face and my...how it has aged.



Need to find someone who'll appreciate this face pronto before it continues to oxidise.

Heh.

###

Let's get lost tonight

I can always count on 1 December night every year where worries go out of the window. A night where we dont judge others and we're all out to have mindless fun.

Last night was that night.

After whole day spent covering the award show (work), I found myself in the company of some old friends (0030hrs!!) at a cozy cafe at Hong Kong Street.

Things got crazy...as always and we ended up 2 hrs later at a gay bar at Tanjong Pagar where I:

* Waited in line for the toilet, waiting for 2 men to finish their deed inside the cubicle

* Promised TB that we're going to get married in 4 years' time and that I'll wait for him to buy a house

* Danced with 2 men at the same time. 2 gay men..

* Chatted rubbish with a pair of happy men.

Got home at 0500hrs.

Twas a good night.

Love you, guys.


###

Elementary school massacre

Elementary school massacre: 27 killed, including 20 kids, at Connecticut school


Woke up to such sad news.


...guns...

Seven Days

"Seven Days" was all she wrote
A kind of ultimatum note
She gave to me, she gave to me
When I thought the field had cleared
It seems another suit appeared
To challenge me, woe is me
Though I hate to make a choice
My options are decreasing mostly rapidly
Well we'll see
I don't think she'd bluff this time
I really have to make her mine
It's plain to see
It's him or me

Monday, I could wait till Tuesday
If I make up my mind
Wednesday would be fine, Thursday's on my mind
Friday'd give me time, Saturday could wait
But Sunday'd be too late

The fact that he's six feet ten
Might instill fear in other men
But not in me, The Mighty Flea
Ask if I am mouse or man
The mirror squeaked, away I ran
He'll murder me in time for his tea
Does it bother me at all
My rival is Neanderthal, it makes me think
Perhaps I need a drink
IQ is no problem here
We won't be playing Scrabble for her hand I fear
I need that beer

Monday, I could wait till Tuesday
If I make up my mind
Wednesday would be fine, Thursday's on my mind
Friday'd give me time, Saturday could wait
But Sunday'd be too late

Seven days will quickly go
The fact remains, I love her so
Seven days, so many ways
But I can't run away

Monday, I could wait till Tuesday
If I make up my mind
Wednesday would be fine, Thursday's on my mind
Friday'd give me time, Saturday could wait
But Sunday'd be too late
Do I have to tell a story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

I am meeting Sting tonight for some...ahem...adult company.
Well, even though he's billion of years older, Sting is still a hot, sexy beast to me.
That voice.
Oh!

###

Little Venice

The best part of the trip so far?

The river cruise down Melaka River.

Like Venice.

Okay...a tiny bit like Venice.

;)


###

C for...

...cendol.


###

Melak Melak Melaka

On a 2d1n work trip to Melaka and Legoland.

Managed to get parents and niece to come with me. They paid, of course.

So....zzzzzz.


###

Go back to December

See the clock? It reads 1:08am.

3 Dec, 2012.

Where did the last 11 months of your life go?

Were they good? Did they make up a good year?

Did you feel the love and energy around you?

Did you renew old faith or find new one?

Are you settled or are you still looking?

Have you reached the end or have only just began?

Have I met you? Did I pass you by?

###

Ooh child

Hey.

Hanging on.

###

My life

How you doing?

The day is almost here.

I can feel it.

I can feel it in my every vein.

In the meantime, it's my favourite Slim Shady and this wonderful old skool beat.




:)


###

Psych!

Hope it's a painless week. ###

The light that blinds

Almost midday and though I've been awake for 2 hours, I haven't gotten out of bed yet.

Was out with the other two stooges (I'm the third) at Holland V last night and after the noise and buzz, we found ourselves sipping hot drinks at Starbucks, talking about dating and dates.

Got me thinking how I haven't been dating these couple of years. Or even flirting or looking. The last I talked about it was during the times of Specimen A and Specimen B.

That didnt work out.
Duh.

So...maybe I should step up? But...but...but...gah.

Can I just have a daughter without any fuss?

Haha.

Happy Deepavali, peeps.


###

From NYC to Blackstreet

Mona Wahab (@MonaRockStar) tweeted at 1:39 AM on Sun, Nov 11, 2012:

Watched Pitch Perfect earlier. Only highlight was when they belted out No Diggity & Just A Dream. I know there's a black girl somewhere inside.


###
(https://twitter.com/MonaRockStar/status/267320507232301057)

Get the official Twitter app at

Shed light

Diwali's in 3 days' time. Any public holiday is good, I know.

It's going to be an interesting week.

Let there be light.


###

I dream a dream...25th Dec

I cannot wait. 'Les Miserables' will be out this Christmas.

Fantine drives me crazy all the time.

:(

Oh night

Look at the stars...look how they shine for you.


###

Shiva's little helper

It's 8.30pm and i am stuck cause Shiva is still around. Shiva gave me
things to do towards the end of day and I dont want to get lecture
tomorrow for going back before finishing off work even though
it's..8.30pm and I am repeating myself.

I have a brewing headache and is actually quite hungry. Cause I didnt
have a good shower this morning (only a very express one) I have this
sick feeling in my body that i am very very very dirty. I am I guess.
It's already 8.30pm and my face is oily. And my head is geting heavy
and my eye balls, they are sending me this message of wanting to be
released to run wild and free.

It is 8.31pm.

What is Shiva doing on his desk? Is he planning a list of whose life
to pull away from? Is he preparing a list of who is naughty or nice
and everything (curry) spice? And then play a cruel twist of fate from
those who are nice and accidentally, but almost gleefully, snap the
cords of those who are well-meaning and let the savages run the world
(girls, they run this $%#$#% world).

8.33pm.

Shiva is packing. Maybe his list is done. Maybe he is hiding his
weapon underneath his cloak and is ready to thrust it in someone's
gut. Maybe he might not be lucky tonight. Maybe he will trip and fall
and have his weapon poking him in his tummy. Maybe.

8.35pm.


###

Sunday night horror

Pardon me for the late Halloween picture. After 2 years of battling TMJ, I finally got a simple mouth guard to help me with the teeth grinding.

Horrid.


###

Skyfall :)

If the sky fall...

Just got back from ChinaOne. Sober but drunk from the madness which was the zoo of a dancefloor and giddy from all the bad music.

I am old.

I love hip hop but I guess it doesnt translate well on a floor full of overly sunny happy people who just want to knock others out with their flailing arms and dorky leg work.

Guys, just be cool.

Be effing cool.

Anyway...yes, I am old. But to my defence, the music was really backwards. No progress at all. Is this the state of many commercial clubs in Singapore? The bands always play the same songs - but I can still take that because they can still make it work with different interpretations and all.

But the dance music?

How do you expect one to move when you put Salt-N-Pepa's Push It beside Adele's Rolling In The Deep (how do you even dance to this?) beside Montell Jordan's This Is How We Do it and beside LMFAO's Sexy And I Know It?

I get a freaking headache. Make sure music gel, people.

Gah. Headache.

Shall listen to Adele's epic Skyfall. It's so trippy, it will just take me to another dimension.

By the way, the movie is a hit and miss but the hit parts are actually awesome. This would have been great end to all the Bond movies.

No more. End with a high.

###

Take That on 5

All I do each night os pray
Hoping that I'll be a part of you again someday.


*I feel so old*


###

Weekend

Not too late to wish everyone a Happy Eid-ul-Adha. Go easy on the lamb and beef :)

Taking the chance to slow down. Work has been nothing short of...wow. Clocking 14hrs of work is almost mechanical. That's not good.

So this weekend...slow...sleep.

Join me sometimes.

###

Still around

Still here.

Taking things slow...

...much to my boss' disliking.

Out of bounds

Am on my way out of Singapore. To Kuala Lumpur for an event coverage.

Anugerah Blockbuster...seems like the Malaysian's version of the MTV Movie Awards. Must be nice to watch and enjoy.

But when it's work...haha...that, my friend, is another story.

Good luck to the nominees and, of course, to me.

To KL!


###

Okay

What am I doing here?

###

Roses

How are we doing?


###

F8

Sorry...no F1 in my house cause I love men passing a ball on a green pitch. They do go round in circles but there are more actions and heart on that ground.

I love my Man Utd.

###

Aint no...

Oh good lord. Take me there. ;)

Oil for blood

This meal cost me US$11 at Dubai Airport. And I didnt finish the burger and apple pie.

Boo, Dubai!

###

Back home

9.20pm.

Touched down.

Back to normal.

Back to zero.


###

Roma with love

Day 15...D Day.

Flight is at 10pm...and will reach Dubai at 6am. Next flight home is at 9.30am.

Touch down Singapore 9pm.

I'll miss you, Italia.


###

14 days too short

Day 14 had me waking up with a jolt cause I had a nasty work-related dream. Some might say...a nightmare.

Went to the Colosseum and had a great tour. It's the best place I've seen here in Italy, so ancient, majestic and out-of-this-world.

Tomorrow is our last day here. Am beginning to get really really depressed.

###

13 n0ww

Walked to San Pietro...aka Vatican.

So hot !

Day 13 almoat gone.

12...redux

Oma?

Hah. AS Roma...and they lost to Bologna 2-3.

Bah.

###

12 tomorrows

...and the sun shines on the Pantheon.

Watching AS Roma vs Bologna later at Stadio Olimpico.

Totti!

###

11 yesterdays

Reached Rome at 3pm...reached accommodation at 3.30pm.

House was too dirty, dusty and downright nasty.

We left for Sheraton Rome Hotel not long after.

Pfft.

Puta.


###

10 things

Day 10...it's Liz's wedding day!


###

9 lives

Left Florence at noon, heading out to San Giovanni in the Tuscan province of Valdarno.

Liz's wedding tomorrow and here we are. The event is the reason behind the Italian journey in the first place.

So, we checked in at San Giovanni Residenza and then headed to a big luxury mall called The Mall. Bought a Prada pouch for the mom and...that's it. No more €€€ already.

:(


###

888

Day 8...The Leaning Tower of Pisa, ya'll!

Pisa
San Gimignano
Siena

###

To see the man

Day 7...officially hitting the halfway mark.

It is lunchtime now, after spending 2 hrs at the Galleria dell Accademia to see the statue of Michelangelo's David.

Biblical story aside, I appreciate it for Michelangelo's artistry. Such mastery, such skill.

I just had to sneakily snap a picture of the man.

Next...Uffizi museum.

###

6 pence none the richer

Day 6 Italia. Second day in Florence saw us heading to the outskirts, to the Prada/Miu Miu factory outlet called 'Space'.

My loot?

A purse and a bag, both from Prada.

That's all. Cheap...but that's all for now.

###

Day 5

Hello Florence.

You're so medievel...so historific!

Prada!

###

Day 4

San Marco
Chill
Burano
Chill
Gondola
Chill

Best day so far.

Venice, you have been fantastic.

###

Day 3 redux

Getting lost in Venice isnt cool when it is a night.

But...wow...Venice. You're a beauty.


###

Day 3

Dead in Venice.

Later.


###