Two big hearts

Love love love LOVE this.

It's like doing the waltz on a cobbled sidewalk in Vienna on an lovely spring evening. With a Malay man.

Cause...you know...the song is in Malay.

Good Sunday, guys.




:)

Me, myself and selfie

Weather has been awesome here in Krabi.

Going kayaking tomorrow.

Bring on the sunblock and aloe lotion.

Tanning is never my past time though I love the great outdoors.

Life and its ironies.

The ghost of Mass Comm past

Abby, Irda and I.

The former Mass Comm lecturers down at TMC.

Abby is for Media Studies.

Irda is for Public Relations and Business.

I am for Journalism and Film.

Good times.

Friday blues

Am setting exam paper.

And my godmother is accompanying me on the record player.

Come
Come
Come into my world.

5 more days...

...and it will be screw you, lesson plans, cause it is school vacation.

One week.

Then of course it is back to work again.

But now, let me deal with my Monday blues with old records.

Dust the vinyls.

Time out

Just a quickie.

Golden Man Named Oscar

The annual cinematic excitement is back and hey...this season, I am happy to say that I have been quite an active 'participant' and (armchair) critic. So, here are some of my predictions for...

The 86th Academy Awards

Best Picture:
American Hustle

Captain Phillips

Dallas Buyers Club

Gravity

Her

Nebraska

Philomena

12 Years a Slave

The Wolf of Wall Street

 

Ed's Choice: Gravity

Most likely to win: 12 Years A Slave

EDITED:
Actual Winner: 12 Years A Slave

 

 

Best Actor in a Leading Role:

Christian Bale (American Hustle)

Bruce Dern (Nebraska)

Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street)
Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave)
Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)

Ed's Choice: Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)

Most likely to win: Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)

 

 

Best Actress in a Leading Role:

Amy Adams (American Hustle)

Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)

Sandra Bullock (Gravity)

Judi Dench (Philomena)

Meryl Streep (August: Osage County)

 

Ed's Choice: Sandra Bullock (Gravity)

Most likely to win: Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)

 

 

Best Actor in a Supporting Role:

Barkhad Abdi (Captain Phillips)

Bradley Cooper (American Hustle)

Michael Fassbender (12 Years a Slave)

Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street)

Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)

 

Ed's Choice: Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)

Most likely to win: Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)

 

 

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine)

Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle)

Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a Slave)

Julia Roberts (August: Osage County)

June Squibb (Nebraska)

 

Ed's Choice: Julia Roberts (August: Osage County)/ June Squibb (Nebraska)

Most likely to win: Jennifer Lawrence (American Hustle)

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a Slave)

 

 

Best Cinematography:
The Grandmaster (Philippe Le Sourd)

Gravity (Emmanuel Lubezki)

Inside Llewyn Davis (Bruno Delbonnel)

Nebraska (Phedon Papamichael)

Prisoners (Roger A. Deakins

 

Ed's Choice: Nebraska

Most likely to win: Gravity

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Gravity


Best Directing:

American Hustle (David O. Russell)
Gravity (Alfonso Cuarón)

Nebraska (Alexander Payne)

12 Years a Slave (Steve McQueen)

The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese)

 

Ed's Choice: Gravity (Alfonso Cuaron)

Most likely to win: The Wolf of Wall Street (Martin Scorsese)

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Gravity (Alfonso Cuaron)

 

 

Best Original Score:

The Book Thief (John Williams)

Gravity (Steven Price)

Her (William Butler, Owen Pallett)

Philomena (Alexandre Desplat)

Saving Mr. Banks (Thomas Newman)

 

Ed's Choice: Gravity

Most likely to win: Her

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Gravity

 

 

Best Original Song:

Happy (Despicable Me 2)

Let It Go (Frozen)

The Moon Song (Her)

Ordinary Love (Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom)

 

Ed's Choice: Happy

Most likely to win: Let It Go

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Let It Go

 

 

Best Adapted Screenplay:

Before Midnight (Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke)

Captain Phillips (Billy Ray)

Philomena (Steve Coogan, Jeff Pope)

12 Years a Slave (John Ridley)

The Wolf of Wall Street (Terence Winter)

 

Ed's Choice: Captain Phillips

Most likely to win: 12 Years A Slave

EDITED:
Actual Winner: 12 Years A Slave

 

 

Best Original Screenplay:

American Hustle (Eric Warren Singer, David O. Russell)

Blue Jasmine (Woody Allen)

Dallas Buyers Club (Craig Borten, Melisa Wallack)

Her (Spike Jonze)

Nebraska (Bob Nelson)

 

Ed's Choice: Nebraska

Most likely to win: Blue Jasmine

 

EDITED:
Actual Winner: Her
 

 

Okay.

That's all.

Till tomorrow

 

*cross fingers*

EDITED:
My actual predictions came quite close. Guess it is another year of non-upsets. Bleargh.

 

 

###

 

 

 

Bang bang...gorilla!

Down with heartburn. I guess it is only a matter of time.

Oh this sucks so bad.

Plus, I must be getting really old.

34 hits like a tonne of bricks.


###

Volcano

Was at Mt Merapi yesterday. A beauty.

Headed to Borobudur and Prambanan temples earlier as well.

Tired.
























Good times.

###

34

Not so young, never beautiful

I am a year older in 24 hours' time. I am feeling emotional. Blame it on being hormonal or whatever.

I hate birthdays.




I've seen the world
Done it all, had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant, and Bel-Air now
Hot summer nights mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, the city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful

I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channeling angels in, the new age now
Hot summer days, rock and roll
The way you'd play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful

Dear lord when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let him
Father tell me if you can

Oh that grace, oh that body
Oh that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will

Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful


###

Bell Jar

Mad Girl's Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.) 
― Sylvia Plath

###

Back at one

Sometimes spending too long a time with your own thoughts creates complications in your heart.

Free yourself from the mental slavery.

Back to the board

"We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her and I...
...go back to black."

Almost 3am and this Amy Winehouse's number is wailing in my head. No absolute meaning because I cannot relate to the words at all, though I do appreciate blues and soul.

Things have been quite interesting lately. Not any less chaotic but interesting, still. My first time taking a form class and I think, by the end of the year, the students will be bonkers because they have a crazy agitator as a teacher. I cannot help it. I just want to test how far I can push the students, both academically and mentally. I just want to see how far they can go before they actually melt down. Now...that is a very thin line to cross. But, oh, I love danger.

And talking about danger...

Currently I am running a risk of having my heart broken. Not saying that it is going to happen but, well, there is a risk. Not going to elaborate any further (because there is nothing to elaborate, rather) but let's just say, shit's getting interesting.

Goodnight, Amy Winehouse.


###

Is this love is this love is this love?

So I throw my cards on  your table.

 

###

 

 

NY(E) Cinque

The fifth stop in the process of ushering the new year ~ the supper stop.

After wobbling down the stairs of ChinaOne and back to the car at around 0400hrs, we all headed to The Prata House down at Upper Thomson Road.

Two pratas later and I'm home at 0545hrs.

Now...the celebration will be put on hold for a little rest. It will resume at 1300hrs at Nani's place down at Paya Lebar later.

Zzzzz.

NYE Quattro

At about 0130hrs, the party at Ramada began to cool off. But I think our mood was still buzzing. We got my sister, who kindly came down (naaah, she was bored), to drive us to ChinaOne down at Clarke Quay. I wanted some rocking live music - the kind that Tabula (the resident band) - could provide.

Think we 'jammed' till almost 0400hrs. Oasis, Radiohead, Foo Fighters, The Killers, Adele (huh?), Katy Perry (say, what?)...oh how sweet the taste of pseudo youth.

My knees were killing me at this stage but...off to 5th pitstop.

NYE Tre

The third pitstop was at the Ramada Hotel at Zhongshan Park. Since Rae's the marcomm honcho there, she brought us to check out the countdown party.

Though we were slow to warm up, I thought the party was pretty cool. Would have been better if parents supervised their kids well cause I was quite worried looking at them playing by the pool.

By the way, Rae, Linda, Lauren and I took this shot by the pool.

It was midnight...2014...and I was De Niro.

"You talking to me?"

Happy New Year, folks.

NYE Due

Here at Clara's. Off to third place.

NYE Uno

Round One

Geriatric

Whenever I get close to my birthday, I would always do something to my hair which will just reinforce how old I have aged.

Like this one.

Fix me to fix you

I am back. Three days later and I am STILL tired. Still 50% unpacked. I am just tired.
Really tired.

On top of that, I have some troubling work to do. This, is nobody else's fault, but mine. Everything seems to be my fault cause I always manage to put myself in a fix.

Even if there's no fix to get into, I will somehow fix a fix and fix myself in.

F(ix) my life.

###

Going under

Day 5...in Cappadocia.
Reached here yesterday evening after a 12-hr journey from Pamukkale.
It is -11 here. Yes...it is snowing.
Not fun, actually, unless you want to go skiing. Which, my friends, I am not.

Constatinople

Day 2.

Greetings from the Blue Mosque.

Loving Istanbul.

:)

Night at Wyndham

It is only 8.35pm but since the hotel is out of the town area, I think I shall retreat. Haven't slept since Friday morning.

Blue Mosque, tomorrow.

Good night, Istanbul.

:)

Byzantium

After 15 hours of back-breaking and butt-numbing journey, here I am in Istanbul, Turkey.

So tired amd sleepy righy now.

Heard Manchester United lost.

Suck balls.

Oh well.

###

Turkey Lurkey Time

So it has been set.

The World Cup 2014 group-by-group breakdown:

A: Brazil, Croatia, Cameroon, Mexico
B: Spain, Netherlands, Chile, Australia
C: Colombia, Greece, Ivory Coast, Japan
D: Uruguay, Costa Rica, England, Italy
E: Switzerland, Ecuador, France, Honduras
F: Argentina,  Bosnia-Herzegovina, Iran, Nigeria
G: Germany, Portugal, Ghana, USA
H: Belgium, Algeria, Russia, South Korea

Interesting.

I do hope Argentina will get to go far this time round. They have always been a favourite.

Anyway, there's a bigger pressing issue.

It is already 7th Dec 2013.

I need to be at the airport at 0630hrs.

This time tomorrow I will be shivering my bottom off in wintery Turkey.

Hoscakal & seni seviyorum :)

###

Not perfect

I am not one who seeks perfection. In everyday situations, I always provide space for the unexpected. I leave room for the what-can-go-wrong. In a person, I just bounce off energy and synergy. Perfection is lost on a human and seeking for it is wasted energy.

Ok.
Where did that come from?
Oh.

A close colleague recently told me the reason why I'm still single was the very fact that I'm choosy. I would like to tell her that she's wrong but unfortunately, she was right. However, before she thumped her chest and proclaimed "I knew it!", I actually gave her my reasons as we walked to a nearby McDonalds for lunch.

Ed: Don't get me wrong. It's not about the looks.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Oh come on. He and I just need to have some things in common.
Friend: And that is so hard to find?
Ed: You'll be surprised.
Friend: Do you really need to have things in common?
Ed: *gasp* But of course, lah!
Friend: Like what?
Ed: You know I like my movies, music and stuff. Sure, everybody likes them but can they sustain conversations and arguments about them?
Friend: Why would you want to talk about such stuff anyway?
Ed: ...cause they are my interests?
Friend: So, did you find anyone you can do that with?
Ed: If I have, I won't waste time talking this shit with you.
Friend: You need to put yourself out there.
Ed: Out, where? No..it is not natural.
Friend: Natural is to sit, grow old, die and rot. Some things need to be sought.
Ed: I have anxiety issues. I am shy.
Friend: Right.
Ed: Never mind. You don't understand.

And then we shuffled silently for a while to the holy land of the golden fries.
Some things are never meant to be rushed. Just let me be for a while, okay?


###

An Innocent (Wo)man

School is officially out. Well, until 26th December anyway. I'll take this 1 whole month to get to know myself a bit more. Nevertheless, I'm going to miss some folks.

Ah, such a happy problem.

-----

Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I'm not above
Making up for the love
You've been denying you could ever feel
I'm not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I'm only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before

Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that it's easier to hate
Than to wait anymore

I know you don't want to hear what I say
I know you're gonna keep turning away
But I've been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I'm not above going through it again
I've not above being cool for a while
If you're cruel to me I'll understand

Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
 

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man

You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight
That's your decision
But I'm not below
Anybody I know
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love
I'm not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began

Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I'm not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man ~ An Innocent Man, Billy Joel

###

Why?

So fast.
Grow up.
I am still.
The same.

Say it, dammit!

Every now and then, there will be a song which, for no rhyme or reason, just breaks your heart.

No.....not on a Saturday night :(


###

I said no...no...no!

So...it's already November.
So...I am still alive.
So...I am still awake at 0225hrs on a Monday.

So Jing left for home in Pinas late September.

There goes another one of my buddies. One lesser human to go watch a movie or have meals with. Life...nothing is forever, isn't it?

Other than that, it has been a time-warp kind of situation in my life. Work was a little crazy recently, with the exam period and markings to be done. School was officially closed for the kids last Friday (yay for them!) but I still have 3 more weeks to go through before I get to stay away from my work desk. My first major vacation as a high school teacher. Interesting.

So next year, I will be teaching the Year 3s. That's upper level, for the do-not-knows. Quite surprised that the school is actually giving me such a task. After all, I only have a journalism/writing background. I guess, everyone is capable till proven otherwise. Si?

Oh, one more thing.

I have yet to get into trouble.
I have yet to get into jail.
Or rehab.
Or mental institute.

So help me, God.


###

Eid again

And it's here.
Hari Raya Haji...Eid-ul-adha.
May our fights and sacrifices...jihad and qurban...be accepted by the Beloved.

Amin.

Heyo

:) ###

Help me..help me....

Seasons in the sun

As some of you may know, the season has begun. American TV season, that is.

It means from now till about April next year, many of my nights will be spent with my nose stuck to my laptop screen, watching in rabid concentration as my favourite TV characters take centrestage.

What can I say...other than "I am a TV-addict"?

Who moved my cheese?

You?

To whoever, wherever, whenever.

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallel on the other side

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong

Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Oh well.


###

Souls to squeeze

Friends are like underwear.
Some crawl up your ass.
Some snap under pressure.
Some don't have the strength to hold you up.
Some get a little twisted.
Some are your favourites.
Some are cheap and just plain nasty.
And some actually do cover your ass when u need them too.

...

I love my friends :)


###

Wicked thing

The song...the dance.

So sexy.

###

Rivers and Roads

Two years late.


###

Tangy Tuesday

I decided to raid the fridge at around 2pm and well...just like the challenge on 'Masterchef', I began to whip something from the things I saw in front of me.

Only mine had the recipe for disaster. Haha.

Anyway, 30 mins later, I had a bowl of steaming rice in front of me, together with spicy beef stew with crunchy bean sprouts and carrots. Afraid that the stew would backfire in my face, I also had fish fillet to back me up.

The tangy stew turned out okay. A bit bland but nevertheless, spicy (bet you didnt know it's possible, right? kwa kwa kwa!). Since the fish was there, it wouldnt hurt to eat just one since it was already cooked anyway.

It's 3.30pm now.

I dont know what else to do.

Next one-week school break I must make sure I have a solid 7-day plan.

Counting sheep and stars

 

 

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars

I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find

Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

I feel something so right yet
doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn

 Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

 

And I feel something so wrong yet
doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

 

---------

 

Story of my life.

 

###

Leonard Cohen afterworld

After 3 days of enduring mounting stomach pains, I hobbled to the clinic last night at 2230hrs, after visiting relatives.

Think my cousin's spicy 'Bamia' (something like beef rendang) and her multi-fruit salad (citric acid!) escalated the pain so much so that I could barely make it to my brother's place after that.

So yeah...on MC today. Tummy still hurts. Meds are taking a while to kick in. Boo.

The Taunt

A cheeky student tried to upset his classmate by messing around with my name.

Yeah.

I still cannot comprehend how it goes.

Happy Sunday, ya'll.

###

So why don't you kill me

Shit has hit the roof, I guess. It is a very sobering thought.

Think I must have mentally aged 20 years more in the last 4 months. I look at my prior existence with regret and a tinge of disdain.

All my mistakes are haunting me now. I am paying so dearly for them right now.

I admit my mistakes. God, please help me.

*sniff*

Blue blue

Brought some students out to Sentosa in the morning...to the SEA Aquarium. 4 hours later I was back with a massive headache.

But it did feel good to be away from the classroom.

First Syawal

Syawal, the month of victory and celebration, is finally here and though it is sad to see Ramadan go, it is time for us to strengthen ties and make amends with friends and relatives.

I had a great day with family. Hope you had a good day too.

Eid mubarak and to my dearest nation whom I love so dearly, Happy National Day.

###

Bila sebut pasal Raya

You know Hari Raya is fast approaching when the mother starts screaming incessantly and bossing everybody around.

The carpet is out. After a 3-year hiatus and hibernation in the store room, the mother has finally decided to give this carpet another chance. Hahaha. Oh the trouble I went through to get this carpet home.

 

I was on my way from Agra to Delhi (India) back in December 2008 when my transport stopped at a sleepy town (Himal Phradesh? Uttar Phradesh? Some Phradesh place if I am nog wrong. Eeks. Cant remember). There was a carpet factory there and I went in. An hour later, I came out with this carpet after some hardcore bargaining.

It was such a chore lugging it around. As I was just carrying a backpack, I couldnt stuff the carpet in my bag. So...I had to lug it on my shoulders. I swear I lost 1-2cm in height when I got back home.

Ah...travelling memories.

These feet are yearning again.

Soon.

###

Hanging out

Last few days of Ramadan. Glad I manage to catch them.

One of those nights when it is good to stay up and pray. Shall start after finishing my school work.

My Ramadan has been blessed so far. Not to say that it has been smooth-sailing but I think I manage to see the positive side of things.

Hope you are having a fruitful Ramadan as well.

###

Almost gone

Uh oh!
Time is running out!
Ramadan is now down to its last week!

No...not enough!


###

Keep calm and be special

We're entering the 8th day of Ramadan. It has been good so far...lots of challenges as usual but...well...nothing in life is easy, right?

 

Got my Hari Raya clothes already. Simple non-fancy stuff. Just the way I like it. Two sets this year, courtesy of the mother - orange and red. No new shoes, no new bags. Am not the sort to buy new bags and shoes for Eid every year. Clothes, yes. Other things, not really.

So, it's my 4th week of working at the new place and I'm about 1 week shy to getting my real pay 'cheque' in months (part-time/freelance work doesn't count!). So far, things have been interesting. Not really sure if they are good or bad but all I can say, things have been enriching and interesting. I am working with teenagers with special needs and there would be days when I would fear for their lives (and mine) and there would be days when I would be so angsty at society for not giving them enough opportunities to live their lives just like how normal people would live.

Colleague-wise, I have managed to form some close ties with a couple of peeps. Even though the pool of staff is big, everyone seems to have gotten their own cliques. Maybe that is one of the downsides of joining an organisation halfway into the year. Or maybe, I am just not friendly enough. But how can it be? I am Miss Congeniality, what!

Haha kidding. It doesn't bother me, seriously. I am still new, still finding my way around. And even when things do get tough, I always remind myself that I had spent 4 months unemployed and now, God has finally given me something which I have always wanted to do. So...smile and be thankful.

Now, what's for lesson tomorrow?

###

Funhouse

Nothing brings comfort like Prickly Heat Powder.

Especially after a long and sweaty day in school, after spending hours trying to contain chaos within a classroom.

Here's to many more tins.

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Anxiety & panic

I am not one who is up for regrets. But, truth be told, I kind of miss working at TooMuchCrap.

This is the anxiety talking.
Second week of work awaits.

Students will be streaming in tomorrow. Already, I have been getting a fast and furious stream of emails in the last 1 week I've been employed there. Though I am eager to be a part of the team, I am so overwhelmed by the flow of information. I still cannot wrap my head around things.

It's 1230hrs and I can feel my stomach acting up. You see, I have anxiety issues and they manifest themselves into stomach cramps, nausea and insomnia. This anxiety disorder has been with me for 13 years, eversince I started work with Rediffusion. Having to get up for a live morning show gave me an adrenaline rush...which slowly became stress. Then came uni life and subsequent things. Everything came to a climax at MCorp. My anxiety/nerves went out of control. The manifestations became worrying and well, I had to put a stop to it.

So after 4 months of taking it easy (way too easy, as my parents might believe), I am dusting the trail back to anxiety. Some say I should just relax and let nature takes its course. It's a catch-22, really. I thrive on adrenaline but I dont know how to control before it goes to traumatic anxiety level.

I have yet to seek help. Right now, I am just using positive self-talk, religion and a bit of que-sera-sera to get me through the day. I am just hoping that things will soon start to fall into a pattern which I can settle into as painlessly as possible. As it is, planning what to wear can be a little stressful.

Breathes.

Okay. Time to prepare tomorrow's attire and it's time to call it a day.

Good luck to me.

###

Go forth

It has been a week. Everything is very overwhelming right now.

But...like Diana Ross says, there is "ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough" to keep you from your destination.

Question is...do you know where you're going to?

Clearly Diana Ross is messing with my head today.

Stop. In the name of love!

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Something begins when something else dies

Life has a funny way of helping you out.

It was supposed to be my last weekend as a drifter and as I was drifting in and out of sleep on a clear and sunny Saturday afternoon - a rare case in the recent bout of hazy weather - I received a call from my cousin.

Queen E had passed on around 1530hrs. The mother and I stood in the living room for a while. We had planned to visit her around 1500hrs but at around 1430hrs, the father, who was on his way home from his morning work shift, told us to wait for him so that we could go together. Alas, it was not meant to be.

The father got home around 1600hrs, grabbed some batik cloths and towels and ran out of the door, heading to the hospital. The mother and I followed suit around 30 minutes later and reached the hospital around 1700hrs. Surreal to see Queen E lying there motionless.

The casket only came around 1830hrs and we all headed to my aunt's place at Tampines. There, the wake/vigil took place. Helped around with some preparations and my family returned home at around 0300hrs this morning for a quick rest and shower. By 0700hrs we were back at Tampines.





Flowers for Grandma

The funeral kickstarted around 0800hrs with the arrival of the funeral officers. The lady in-charge of cleaning Queen E's body signalled the start of the process and some female relatives, including the mother, the sister and myself, headed to the kitchen to assist her in preparing the body for the burial.

It was my second time participating in such preparation. The first was in Dec 2009 when my beloved Bibik passed away. Then, my role was more of an observer. This time round, I was more involved. More contact, you can say.

By 1030hrs, we were ready to leave for the cemetery. The mood was a mixture of sombre and relief. Sombre because..duh..death, relief because Queen E has gone to a better place. Insya-Allah, of course.

The brother and the cousin helping out with the burial.

By 1300hrs, everything was all done and dusted. Relieved that everything went on smoothly and that the weather too had been kind. The solidarity and love felt among relatives and friends were truly felt and I am thankful to my friends who reached out and gave comfort in this time of distress. May God return your kindness and see that you are well. Appreciate it.

Dear Nenek, Hajjah Neng Bte Ja'afar, may you have a smooth journey wherever you are going. May Allah protect you and always keep you safe and away from pain. May He place you among the good people and may He allow us to meet again when the right time beckons. Please forgive me for all those occasions in which I had been rude, disobedient or/and obnoxious. Forgive me for holding grudges against you. Forgive me for not spending enough time. As I grow older, I begin to understand how complicated life is and one should not accept or hear things at face value. So Nenek, I am sorry once again and I do hope for your fitful rest. Come Judgement Day, I hope to meet you again. I love you.

...


On another note...it is the day. After 4 months of no full-time employment, the day has come for that tag to expire.

Good evening, Miss Mona.

Last Friday night...

...as a full-time drifter and I chose to stay home. Bah.



Sleeping with Mario tonight, haze or no haze.

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Bukan superstar

Spent some time with these people recently at a youth camp. They are still in their teenage years and a few can pass off as my kids.

I'm missing their zest already.

Though I was their group facilitator, they, on the other hand, taught me a thing or two about life.

May you all grow up well and be happy.

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