Fembot

Damon Albarn - Everyday Robots (Official Video):

All of life is a coming home

Sometime last week, one of my idols passed away. My, what a way to leave...taking his own life, in his own house, with loved ones just metres away. What transpired a man, loved by many, to expire that way?

Robin Williams' death shocked many, of course. Many did not expect such a funny man to have a deep sadness embedded in him. Some people I know mentioned that they have lost 'respect' in him because of the way he chose to go, saying suicide's a coward way to end...it's silly...an insult to God...bla bla bla. I don't agree with these friends. Depression IS a complex thing. Besides, your death has been willed by Him anyway. He knows how you're going to go.

I would like to think that I know what depression is. I think we all have been at our lowest points some times in our lives and normally, many of us can bounce back stronger a few days or weeks later.

However, for some, that moroseness, melancholia, anxiety, fear don't go away. The severity may differ on some days but that sickening feeling at the bottom of the stomach never truly disappears even after years. Some result to seek healings, some result to alcohol, to food, to drugs, to sex, to whatever that can give days, hours, minutes and seconds of pleasure. To feel a little human, a little happiness, a little gratifying satisfaction. It is easy to say "Oh, you should turn to God" but it is not.

Not everyone has the capacity in their mind to do that. Not someone with depression, that is for sure. That's why they need help in the forms of therapy, counselling, fellowship, rehabilitation and yes, constant emotional checks with loved ones.

The irony behind all these is that depression is a lonely road. You can be surrounded by everyone and yet, feeling like a child marooned on an empty island after being abandoned by her parents. That's why it is complex. I have seen it in front of my own eyes. It degenerates you, eating you up slowly from the inside. And it takes a lot for a person to finally say:

"Okay. That's it.
I am done with this shitty feeling.
I need help. I am determine to get better."

And when you say that, there are many options and some choose to kill themselves to end this worldly misery.

Why depression when you seem like someone who has it all? Someone who seems so well put together?

Well, it takes a lot of effort for some people to look well put together. Some people love doing something they love but they need lots of time to recuperate from doing those things. Some people's commitments and responsibilities desire them to behave in certain manner. Some people just have a different perspective to things. Some people feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. There are many reasons as to why people get depressed and every depression is somewhat different. Depression looks inside your brain, your emotions, your personality, your family, your friends, your community...like I said, it is complex.

So if you can feel me, Robin, listen...I think I understand why you did the things you had done. I may not agree with them but I think at that point, you were hitting a wall and it was causing an unbearable pain in your head.

Nevertheless, I want to say thank you for being the light that you were. All those times spent watching 'Mork and Mindy' ...man...I had a blast. Like everyone else, I teared while watching 'What Dreams May Come' and 'Patch Adams'. 'Aladdin' will always be my favourite Disney flick because of your genie. Watching 'Dead Poets Society' on TV for the first time when I was 13 was life-changing. I took O-Level literature because of that. Watching 'Good Will Hunting' at 17 or 18  gave me some much-needed positivity at a time I was unsure of who I was and what I wanted to be.

And best, 'Good Morning Vietnam' was one of my motivations in getting that first job - as a radio presenter in Rediffusion straight after school at 20.



Like the other flawed genius George Carlin, you too will be severely missed by me. Thank you for the laughter, the tears and the insights. The world is less funny without you.

"Gooooooooood-byyyyyyye Vietnaaaaam! That's right, I'm history... I'm outta here. I got the lucky ticket home, baby. Rollin, rollin, rollin'... keep them wagons rollin', rawhide! Yeah, that's right... the final Adrian Cronauer broadcast... and this one is brought to you by our friends at the Pentagon. Remember the people who brought you Korea? That's right, the U.S. Army. If it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's probably not being done by the Army."
- Adrian Cronauer, Good Morning Vietnam.

Nanu-nanu :(

Fade to black

Now that clears things out.

Right?

It looks like it.

It doesn't feel like it though.

But I am a logical person.

So, let's be empirical about it.

###

Manis-manis Lebaran

Kawan-kawan...besok dah Hari Raya :)



Selamat Hari Raya.
Maaf zahir dan batin.
Salam Eid-ul-fitri.
Eid Mubarak.

Besok kita enjoy.

Lepas tu...kerja macam nak mampus sekali lagi.

###

Leggo!

World Cup Final.

I love this tournament but I am so glad that we have finally come to the end of the road. I need my normal sleeping pattern back. I need to keep more alert in school :(

So yes, after so so so so long, Argentina have finally reached the ultimate stage. Though I know the odds of them winning against Germany are low, I still will support them anyway. Why? I have always been a fan of Argentina ever since I started watching WC in 1986. Yes, the season that had the Hand of God fiasco was the first time I ever watched a World Cup match at the age of 6. I remember my uncle screaming out names like Lineker, Zico, Matthaus, Cesar, Socrates, Platini, Voller, Papin and of course Maradona...and how jubilant he was whenever a beautiful goal was scored. That excitement stuck with me ever since whenever I got to watch a football match.

As to why Argentina...actually, I support all Latin teams because I love their carefree, creative kind of football.

Screw it. I love every team. Football is beautiful, ya'll.

Come.
Play ball!


###

Saudade

"If only tonight we could sleep

In a bed made of flowers
If only tonight we could fall
In a deathless spell
If only tonight we could slide
Into deep black water
And breathe
And breath" - If Only Tonight We Could Sleep, The Cure

...

Ramadan is well into its 9th day and today is exceptionally blessed because it is a school holiday...Youth Day!

Okay. 30 minutes ago I had a billion things to write - about life, work, love, that 'saudade' episode I had last night after Maghrib prayers and many more. But I got distracted and now I am almost speechless, save for these words I am writing to tell you that I am speechless.

Maybe we can try again tonight.

Don't worry.
I am still here.


P/S: During the blog inactivity, my favourite female author died. Your words live on, Maya Angelou.

P/P/S: During the blog inactivity, many Palestinian children died. May they be sent straight to Heaven.

###

 

Pretty little liars

Will you...

...still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?

Okay. Beautiful is very loosely used here.

Little

https://nurashikinsalim.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/dear-my-muslim-lgbtq-brothers-and-sisters/

Lightness

Good morning, Hong Kong.

I hate noise but here I am.
I hate the idea where life is highly driven by the sheer concept of materialism
Yet here I am.
I hate crowds and chaos
Yet again and again here I am.
What is this you have over me?

I scratched a little.
I felt a soul.
I pressed my ear a little.
I heard a beating heartbeat.
I smelled intently.
I found life.

Your contradictions amaze me.
Your rebellions inspire me.
Your acceptances amuse me.
Your fighting spirit humbles me.

So I come back
Again and again.
Bless your beating heart, Hong Kong.

Kowloon with love

Heading to Hong Kong in a bit.

This time round, hope to catch a bit of the 'countryside'.

But it is thunderstorm season.

So...lepak, it will be.

All the way to reno...

...vations.

House is undergoing toilet upgrading work and boy, this sucks. Mother and sister have gone to stay at my uncle's but I am staying behind to accompany Father who wants to stick around to supervise the place...and to clean it up at the end of the next 10 days, of course.

Gonna be so tiring on him physically and financially. The contractors hacked part of our cabinet because of some piping work. Our wash basin area seems somewhat ruin too. There's only so much I can contribute.

Anyway, the kitchen, due to the layout of my 'island', does not have enough space for the contractors to place a portable loo. That means, Father and I have to utilise the communal loo downstairs. Again, that sucks balls.

Think tomorrow I have to bring dirty laundry to work and air them there.

Shower before I get home too.

Boo.

Timeout

Here.

To absorb some light.

Whatever that is left for today.

My song

Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down

I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, they're ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, I feel the love

1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
Throw em back, till I lose count

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

And I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
Throw em back till I lose count

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

And I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
No, I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight
Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Cause I'm just holding on for tonight
No, I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
On for tonight

###

Flava flav

Weather has been a little unbearable and on top of that, the hair has been getting a little annoying. Not forgetting it has been 'shedding' a lot.

So just now, on my way home, I stopped by the nearest salon and ordered the lady to cut.

CUT!

Added a little hair treatment...so here's presenting my $35 hairdo.

My cheapest haircut so far.

###

Sweat(er) Weather

As usual, I am late to this. But, oh I love this tune.



"Sweater Weather"
All I am is a man
I want the world in my hands
I hate the beach
But I stand
In California with my toes in the sand
Use the sleeves of my sweater
Let's have an adventure
Head in the clouds but my gravity's centered
Touch my neck and I'll touch yours
You in those little high-waisted shorts, oh

She knows what I think about
And what I think about
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about, no

'Cause it's too cold
For you here and now
So let me hold
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater

And if I may just take your breath away
I don't mind if there's not much to say
Sometimes the silence guides our minds
So move to a place so far away
The goose bumps start to raise
The minute that my left hand meets your waist
And then I watch your face
Put my finger on your tongue
'Cause you love to taste, yeah

These hearts adore
Everyone the other beats hardest for
Inside this place is warm
Outside it starts to pour

Coming down
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that I wouldn't wanna tell you about, no, no, no

Head Ache

Survived 3 sessions of oral examination.

My head is going to split open any moment now.

So...let's stone.

Soy un perdedor

I am here. Still here. Still trying to make sense of what is happening around me.

Still clueless, apparently.

5pm. After school hours. Just about to mark. Almost chugged down my perfume instead of my Ribena.

Man.

Besame

A long and thankless day made comfortable by this.
Now if only we can all snuggle.

###

Run run runaway baby

Sleep happy

:)