Mid September means the start of the US TV season. I miss Koothrapalli :)
The Big Bang Theory Grey's Anatomy Glee Two & A Half Men The New Girl The X-Factor America's Next Top Model The Amazing Race The Big C Modern Family The Idiot Abroad ...etc etc
To anyone who is still reading this blog, if you have noticed, the entry style has changed. No longer wordy entries (well, once in a long while you will find one still) and instead, quick snippets uploaded on the (extremely) smart phone.
How can anyone not like this?
I am in love...with this song.
:(
I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbours think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Try to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too.
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon?
I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say I've gone mad
Yeah I've gone mad
But they don't know what I know
Cause when the sun goes down
someone's talking back
Yeah
They're talking back
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Try to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too.
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon?
Ahh...Ahh...Ahh..
Do you ever hear me calling
I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
A friend was in a financial quandary about 2 months ago and yesterday, another one was in a bigger one. Though I still havent received the loan from the first, I do have enough to sort out the second friend. Guess tomorrow I will pass him the moolah.
And that will reduce the money in my bank to just a 3-digit figure (hey, it could be $100).
I know I should be sincere but hey, I can express my sadness in seeing the number drop, right?
I wish these people dont run away with my money. The amount may be paltry to some but...it's my 'rainy day' money.
Hope my rainy day doesnt come this week or next. Otherwise, I'll drown.
I don't mind smokers but I cant stand some who dont consider the feelings or health of others within their smoking space. If you are smoking at a park, on a ship deck in the open ocean, fine. But if you're smoking in an enclosed area, a small house, a box, dont get pissed when the people around you get pissed.
What? Only you are here? Your smoke comes out from your breath and goes back straight into your nose without being sniffed/inhaled by others? What...you think you're the Marina Barrage of smoke recycling? Bitch, please.
And you're not happy that I sprayed air freshener? At least that thing smells nicer on my clothes, hair and food. Urgh.
It's too much. Thanks to the father, the whole house smells horrid. My lungs are affected too. Deep down, maybe another mild heart attack will stop this.
Though it's the 5th day of Syawal, this is like the 3rd session of going out. Joining my auntie and cousins cause...parents went to Malaysia again to visit Arnie's relatives.
I remembered it, then I found it. First heard it in 2000 and I was so in love with it.
Listening to it made me miss my late aunt. It's the 2nd Hari Raya that she's not with us. On the first day when I say my cousin and uncle, I was reminded of her. How she's sorely missed by all. Such a loving kind soul who's gone way too soon. Some evil ones are made to stay and roam this earth for so long but souls like her, sometimes, went too soon.
Such is God's will.
I miss you, Bibik. You've never come to me in my dreams all this while. Why, Bibik? Everybody said they felt you...dreamed about you. But I have never. Why? Is it because you didnt like me? Is it because I didnt take care of you when you were sick? Is it because you didnt love me as much as you loved the others? Is it because I had done something wrong?
I couldnt see you when you were sick, Bibik, cause I couldnt do it. I didnt want to collapse and scream. Only when you were going through your dying days that I regretted not seeing you as often as I should have. But I was too afraid...a coward. I couldnt see you in pain. Have you ever noticed I never talk to you about it? About your cancer? I wished if we didnt talk about it, it would go away. Many people talked about their time taking care of you at home...chatting with you...but I was not there. My memories were filled of images of a healthier and happier you, times when we were both so close. And when those last days were near, I was brought crashing down to earth to see the image in front of my eyes not the same as the one I perpetually had in my head.
I thought you were invincible, Bibik. At 29, I still had such naive idea.
Had I gotten a little more time with you, I would tell you how much you meant to me.
I would help you achieve things you hadnt achieved.
I would have focused on you, not my running away from your pain.
I wouldnt have been such an emotional coward.
I would have told you how much my life would suck without you.
I would.
I would.
I would.
The sun's still warm and most days are good The world still turns like you said it would But this pain seems to never let me go And there really is no movin' on There's only going along
And I will always be Better for you loving me Better for the times we shared That travel with me everywhere And I will always try To hold my head up to the sky If only just to let you know That straight from my heart I still miss you so
If I could I would gladly trade A thousand tomorrows for one yesterday There are so many things that I would say You're a part of every memory That lives on in me
And I will always be Better for you loving me Better for the times we shared That travel with me everywhere And I will always try To hold my head up to the sky If only just to let you know That straight from my heart I still miss you so
Parents left for JB to visit sister-in-law's family. Was supposed to go visiting with my auntie and cousin but that didnt work out. I managed to go to work, finish an article and send borrowed clothes for last Thursday's photoshoot back to Raoul.
Gonna catch a romantic comedy flick later (so unbecoming!) later but in the meantime...it's Woodstock and lasagna.
Stop asking me about the sister. I have unofficially disowned her. I dont have a sister.
I do have a room mate who takes my stuff and leaves a mess wherever she's around. I seldom see her and maybe if I do see her next, I want to demand my stuff back.
Let me say this again...I dont have a sister. Cause if I have one, I wouldnt have felt so emotionally stressed right now.
It's 3 days to Raya and parents are having cold war. They had a massive fight over the mother accidentally withdrawing some money in their joint account (cause her new debit card linked that acct to mastercard) instead of her own account. She didnt realise the oversight and insisted she didnt know anything about the money and the father...well he went to find the mother at her workplace (my cousin's food stall) and screamed at her in front of everybody.
Where are all my siblings? Obviously the brother is busy with his own life and family. Sister? I dont have a sister.
As they are not talking to each other, like an only child, I am the venting point. I am getting the father's verbal abuse and the mother's emotional blackmail. Every...freaking...time.
Pardon me when I still say that marriage is a scam.
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met
Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of Wonderbread
And went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn't mention us
The Bible didn't mention us, not even once
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first , I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But they're just old light
They're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met
Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors and the yellow light
He told me that I'd done all right
And kissed me until the morning light, the morning light
And he kissed me until the morning light
Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of Wonderbread
And went right back to bed
We couldn't break the columns down
No, we couldn't destroy a single one
And the history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn't mention us
Not even once
Why...why...why in the name of Marvelo Superheroes did I consume that herbal concotion (jamu) given to me by this actor yesterday?
It's 3am and my breath smells like MacRitchie after a downpour. It's saving Gaia in my mouth. Ferngully!
I am running a wellness segment for the October issue and I interviewed the actor cause though he's 51, he looks like he's in his 30s. So last Saturday, we had the interview and the photoshoot (before the Malayasian stars came) and he brought his supplements and veggies/plants. He even brought a sample of his blended weapon (mixture of veggies and plants) for the shoot. He then passed it to me after the shoot for souvenir...and hey!
It's suppose to cleanse the colon and detox. I dont know...just a sip. It' s enough.
"People keep saying, 'Oh, it'll be great to get out of your comfort zone.' " he says. "It's like, 'Fuck you!' Get out of your fucking comfort zone! It fucking took me 20 years to build a comfort zone. I have no fucking intention of stepping outside of mine. Not for no fucker. That's fucking gone! Fucking comfort zone bastard. I'm in the process of building another one and believe you me, I won't be stepping outside of this one."
Shammi Kapoor passed away recently. He was my first Bollywood hero and till today, I havent liked another as much as I like him. He's so vibrant...so flamboyant. A 'jungalee'.
I dont really find Adam Levine sexy. His voice is definitely paper thin, shrill and has that annoying whining aspect about it. But, he's fortunate to always have good tunes to boost whatever he lacks.
Like this one. It's uber infectious. And I dont even like Jagger.
A week of Ramadan has passed. Lost 2kgs. That's nothing compared to the rest of the bulk really.
Anyway, just when I am ready to sit in front of Mandela (the laptop), the home internet connection refuses to hook up. Stupid technology. Therefore, what is supposed to be an extraordinary update (nyeh!)...with epic pictures and all...will not be happening.
Bummer.
Went to catch The Lion King earlier today and omaigart...I was in tears from start to end. I am not a fan of the cartoon because for the love of me, I found it depressing when I first caught it at the cinema. But, Meiling wanted to catch the show at Marina Bay Sands and she actually treated me (cause she knew I wouldnt pay for it I guess) so I went along.
Verdict?
I enjoyed it tremendously but yes, it depressed the shit out of me still. I dont know why...dont ask.
A lot of things happened though many of them were work-related. Work still gives me the jitters even though it has been 2 months. Am trying to see the positive side...though the good thing is that I meet a lot of people.
The bad thing?
I do meet a lot people.
:(
Anyway been getting weird dreams of me getting married. Very disturbing..very bizarre. Let's see how long this gonna run.
No...I am not getting married in real life. The only guy who gets close to me is my graphic designer at work.
xWell...I remember wanting to blog but it's 0040hrs and I am beat. It was my cousin's weding over the weekend and well...family affair..bla bla and here I am, all hot and tired on my bed justifying my no-blogging days.
Many...many things I would like to blog...especially the photo fiaco and all. Still....right now I just want to sleep.
Will update blog over the weekend but in the meantime, here's a photo of Siti Nurhaliza, my cousin and myself. I dragged her as my camera person to the recent Anugerah Planet Muzik 2011 because...well...most of the singers were not familiar to me and I needed someone to stand beside me (and tell me their names) when I had to do a "guerilla attack" and get quotes from them.
So...I thought the event was a tad draggy but...this shot, even though I stood far away from her, made the dread a little worthy.
I said "a little".
P/S: Oh yeah...listening to Faizal Tahir live (yes I know Faizal Tahir) made staying till 0130hr slightly all right also. Just slightly.
It's mid-week Wednesday. Dating plans are still non-existent. But...I'm glad I am not someone who always sticks to plans.
I attended the recording of the show last Friday and prior to that, I had a chance to interview a jazz singer. Oh my, she's so classy. I would love to chat longer with her at the photo studio...I am a jazz fan too so I really wanted to know more about her. However, my boss had given me a task and since we were running out of time (we had to get back to the TV theatre for the taping), I had to ask her the controversial questions regarding her marriage.
Maybe I am still new but my heart ached when I had to ask those questions. While my mouth was shooting the questions, my heart was screaming "Let her be! Who cares?" When she paused to reflect on answers, her face turned sad/pensive and I just wanted to stop. But of course, that's not my job. My job was to get news from her because, sadly, the demand for goss was huge. Also, I needed a paycheck, okay.
So this is how a gossip columnist feels. It's easy to accuse a paparazzi for not being ethical and all...but I guess they have a job to do and a demand to fill. I remember having the following conversation with the jazz singer:
Ed: So why didnt you address the marriage rumours?
Singer: What's the point? People will still find something wrong even if I said the truth.
Ed: But at least you tried to clear the air.
Singer: They will take what I said and twist it into something else. So I rather keep quiet.
Ed: But by keeping quiet, the rumours still grow. In fact, it's getting from bad to worse.
Singer: That's why I cant be bothered.
Ed: Your marriage is legal in the eyes of law and God. Why do you have to hide it?
Singer: I am not hiding it. I just dont discuss it.
Fair enough. I would have just stopped at that but I guess this wasnt enough for "investigative" journalism so I had to press on further. Wont put it here cause I still respect her privacy (naaaaah...am saving the scoop for my magazine, haha). But haha...nothing that juicy. I am a boring writer and I like hard truths. If my boss doesnt like it, I guess I have to find a new job on my 32nd birthday.
I think it does help to have a somewhat personable outlook in my line. For most of the people whom I had interviewed, they somewhat revealed more than what was required. Well, that is brilliant for me but sometimes I wish these people, especially the newbies, be very cautious with their comments. Sometimes, these will work against them in the future. Public speaking is very important so if you want to be famous, please please learn how to control your tongue even if it means giving boring answers. I just have to work harder to make the article more interesting but hey, at least both you and I wont have a guilty conscience.
Most of the time, the ones closest to you are the sources of your anger, frustrations and weariness. But I'll be damn...cause talking to strangers is seldom my thing.
I'll be more patient, if you promise to be less annoying.
My April issue is done and if nothing goes wrong, it will be out in the news stands in about 2 weeks' time. I don't think it's my best but I am glad that my first issue with the company ... well ... my duties, at least, went down without any glitches. I am now starting on my September issue and yes, it sounds crazy because the last time I checked, we just entered July. It's weird because my Ramadan issue is done and I am now starting on my Hari Raya when truth be told, I havent even done paying back last year's fast. My timeline is crazy and the stress is beginning again but I think deep down...I am beginning to love this.
Yes, this can get crazy but it is nothing compared to TooMuchCrapola crazy.
That was insane. I keep telling myself that when I woke up on shitty days.
Brief updates...
- MICA called and offered me a job. I turned it down.
- I have a crush on a man slightly younger than me. Doubt he knows I exist but..oh well.
- Will go to the live recording of Hari Raya show tomorrow.
- Will have to attend the music award show next week.
- Need to find this legendary Malay diva (who's probably in her 70s) and write a feature on her.
- Parent-less over the weekend cause they are holidaying in KL again.
- A 'sahur' event is coming up in August..will be going to children's home in the wee hours to eat with them in fasting month.
- There's a chance I might be meeting Siti Nurhaliza *prays*
That's my life in quick summary.
What's yours?
P/S: I want to go on a date...like a real date (but dont ask me what a fake date is). Think I should be working on that. Hmm.
One of my all time favourite bands is coming and...well, I know it's going to be on a day in the fasting month but...I've missed them so much. I caught them live in 1998 and they were fantastic. I want to see them again. Please!
In the meantime, I'll leave you with this awesome awesome awesome clip...the reason why I flew to Aussie last week.
You're my Queen, Kylie.
I love you.
She played at the local Indoor Stadium just now but because of work commitment, I had to pass. For some reason, I knew I had to go Perth to see her, see her last water show and all. Thank God I made it. Wouldnt risk it for the world.
1230hrs alone in Perth City for the first time in years. Meiling just left and I left my stuff at Shari's place. Shari had some errands and I didnt want to impose so much so I walk and have a Korean meal on my own now.
Am listening to 2 convos - a Korean boy talking in English to a friend (who's possibly a Hong Konger) about his enlistment in the Korean army and life here. In front of me, 2 Chinese girls talking about what they are going to do in Mandarin. Guess my Mandarin skills are really useful in lonely times like this. Alone (without companion) but never truly alone (without society).
Okay...next stops - Myer, David Jones and just a roll about along Swan River if I am feeling adventurous.
P/S: Should have brought a bigger bag!!! There's a city-wide sale and it's craaaaaaaazy.
Saturday...5th day in perth and I am going to check out in 2 hours' time and crash at Shari's. Her pad is just down the road and so, will drag baggage (both emotional and physical) there.
The stay has been good - kylie..tourist bus...kingd park...fremantle..trip to margaret river etc. But weather has been depressing, with nasty rain and all yesterday. Still, a respite is good.
Awritey. Gonna hit some women fair with Shari and chill at "home" . Tomorrow i'll hit fremantle again on my own before flying home.
Will probably head down to the vineyards..Margaret River..chocchies factories or something. A cosy stay in the greens, probably. It's too cold to be breaking waves anyway.
It has been a crazy week, man. Work is beginning to show its fangs and I think I am just not built for stress. Na-uh, not anymore. The previous company really broke me and I think I really need some serious timeout. Let's just hope it's Monday blues talking :(
Last Friday, I had 2 "chat" sessions with two local celebrities (somewhat, I guess? Depends on how you define fame, I guess). The first one was in the morning and we had a little photoshoot session in one of the studios. She's a nice girl whom I hope would not be eaten by big fishes in the industry. We had lunch together after that and I was quite surprised that the whole conversation with her went quite smoothly. My only problem now is to convert all these scribbles and sound recording into a malay article. FML, youngsters nowadays say. FML indeed.
Then in the late afternoon, I headed down to MBS to have my 2nd session. The interviewee was working at MBS and Coffee Bean was a convenient place for us (I just wanted to get out of office). She's another nice girl (or maybe, I see almost everyone as nice. Unless someone has done me wrong before, I guess) and I had a productive time talking to her. Again, the challenge now is to convert all the convos into a feature article. Come say those letters with me - F..M..L.
One thing I realised on Friday was that...no matter how the conversations were going, I tend to put in some advice to the people I was talking to. I am not sure if it's a good thing. I think it's a job hazard stemming from my previous employment as a lecturer. I just couldnt help myself from telling the interviewees (who both happened to be way younger than me)to take care of themselves, never let abuse them in any sense, yada yada. This was not a problem last Friday but man, I hope this doesnt happen if I were to interview someone who is more experienced or very well-known in the industry (like Siti Nurhaliza or some Western stars or something). Imagine telling Taufik Batisah that he should pursue his degree or something, just in case he falls out of the industry in the future. I can suggest TooMuchCrap to him..hahahahahahahahahahah.
Oh well.
It's back to work tomorrow and gah, I have seemingly endless tasks to source and write. It doesnt help that there are only 2 of us writers - the other one has been doing this for 10 years (in this particular magazine alone!). Though she and my editor have been nice, I cant help but feel so small, man. I dont think this feeling will go away so soon. After 4 years of doing something so familiar, a change in environment is nerve-wrecking. I cannot imagine someone who jumps ship after more than 10 years in one career. It must be crazy as hell.
BUT...
There's a silver lining. This Tuesday I will be leaving for Perth. Going out for a week. Good thing is that I can physically be somewhere far to recharge myself (somewhat). The downside is that...I'll be bringing work.
But then again, what's new? I have brought work all around the world with me - to the bright city lights of NYC, the freezing Himalayan region of Kashmir, India, to the gloomy Manchester, England. What's to Perth?
At least I'm going on a short break, my heart reassures.
I survived Day 3 and today, I met my first Malaysian celebrity who had a duet song with a Singaporean girl group.
I thought it was kind of disastrous. Though I had questions ready, my iTouch failed to record the whole conversation due to low battery. I couldnt read my own scribblings ... which were all over my notepad. I hope I could still remember them when I go to work tomorrow.
Talking about work, overall, it has been very tiring so far. I am almost wiped out when I reached home and I could barely do anything else. Maybe it's just the mental fatigue I've been feeling from TooMuchCrap overflowing into my next phase. Hopefully my trip to Perth next week can help me unwind.
:)
Mentioning unwind, last Saturday, Jing, Eileen and I headed down to Shangri-La Rasa Sentosa for a little chill out session. We took the cable car, checked in, rolled around, had dinner, hung out at Cafe Del Mar and then soaked our tired feet in the hot tub.
On Sunday, I was awakened by Eileen's screaming. She woke up early and so she made hot tea and sat at the balcony drinking and eating popcorn. Then out of the blue, a monkey turned up and harassed up. She of course screamed, "Ed!!! Help me!!!"
I woke up bleary and confused. When I finally realised what happened, there was nothing for me to do. I could just do the "shoo monkey shoo" gesture but the bloody thing just stared at me. Eileen managed to crept back into the room and the monkey took the popcorn and made a mess at the balcony. I was actually quite traumatised, man!
Anyway...yeah that was my fun weekend. We caught Super 8...a really cool flick and eventually made our way home in the evening.
6.5 more hours till I start a new chapter. I am nervous as hell. I also dont know what to wear and, on top of that, the mother took my normal go-to bag (just because she saw it lying around unused last week). I need my normal things to keep me normal. I cannot wear my usual work attire cause I dont think it will be suitable in a creative environment. I dont want to be the laughing stock who looks like a boss on her first day at work when she is just ... a writer.
Yeah tomorrow I am going to climb the Caldecott hill and embark on a new journey as a writer...in Malay. Fuck my life.
Almost 4 years ago, I had a stomachache on a Sunday, the eve of my first day of work in TooManyCracks. Haha, I managed to detect the entry and read it here.
Almost 4 years ago - July 30, 2007 - I started my journey with the current institution. I still remember my first day...my first boss, ScarFace, looked so intimidating. I remember being scared, uncomfortable (menses, bah!) and alone. I remember walking over to Raffles City's Starbucks and had Caramel Macchiato for lunch. That also started my 4-year affair with that drink. I remember things picking up cause I saw a former school mate working there too - Irda ("Idaho") - and things werent so bleak anymore.
I remember pace picked up speed and soon I was running from classroom to classroom, spreading words of wisdom to whoever who wanted to listen. I made friends, I played office politics and well, I won some, I lost some. For every praise I had from the management, there were other times I was called to be reprimanded. Some occasions it was my fault; my impatience, my sarcasm, my off-beat humour, my childlike-ness (fine, my childish-ness), my temper and my fuck-all political rebel attitude. Some times, it was uncalled for; bringing justice, voicing out opinions, speaking out for fellow colleagues or students.
Yes, I had my share of "alone-time" with the bosses.