The NPCC people are meeting up tomorrow. Wanyi "accidentally" asked if I'm coming or not. As always, i dont know what's going on. But it's okay. i've been so out of touch with that group and honestly, I dont really give a damn whether they invite me or not. Sometimes, i feel these guys are as good as gone.
Why?
Our lives seem to go all over the place. I dont know...we have different paths to lead. I think it all started from me not able to join them for activities due to some difficulties or deficiencies. As their social circle grew wider, I was slowly left behind.
However
The group pulls me back occasionally. But sometimes it's too late. Their social group has gotten too big for comfort and many are strangers to me. We dont have so many things in common and it makes interacting so hard. Being the oldest in the group sometimes doesnt help either.
Maybe deep down, there's a stupid selfish bitterness. I was initially the only girl and i took pains in organising gatherings last time. I had to plan all their stupid birthdays and had to buy the presents because the guys were just...clueless. But nothing's done back to me. No send-offs when i went to study, no cards, no phonecalls, no emails, no birthday celebration..no nothing. i love being with them but that doesnt make me a guy.
The flow of traffic in and out of the social irks me sometimes with infatuated girls coming and going out the group. Sometimes, I sense their resentment/jealousy of me being so close with you guys. And sometimes, it's the other way round. Yes, a girl can only be that possessive.
I remember. They gave me a present this year...a yoga mat for my birthday. After knowing them for 10 years, it's the first time they gave me a birthday present. The card was a bit touching because in it, Fifi, Din and Kiong acknowledged that it was badly dued. I was very very touched.
Anyway last week at Phuture, Weewee's boyfriend (WBF) stumped me.
WBF: Why never ask you guy friends to come?
Me: Err...err..guy friends ah [Head was saying: Man..what can i say???]
WBF: Next time bring mah..
Me: Er..err..guy friends..
WBF: You dont have guy friends?
Me: Err..I have. Not many.
WBF: Then why never ask them to come?
Me: Err..they are not the clubbing kind...
It wasnt totally true. But oh well. Phuture's not a place to have a proper and honeset conversation, can?
Oh by the way, I wet the bed this morning. I was drinking Milo on my bed last night and I fell asleep with the plastic still in my hand. I woke up all malty and brown.
Haha.
Have a good weekend, people.
(emailed)
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