A design for life

You should see me now.
All slumped listless over Snow White.
I'm half dead, half alive.
Mindless TV programme in front of me.
Feeling claustrophobic by the minute in the living room.

The sister is super-duper tired and I shall be nice and not do work in the bedroom. Past few days had seen me sprawled dead over my computer; it running all night and the light was on till morning. I didnt bother switching off my computer cause when I woke up, it would be the first thing I'd switch on anyway.

*Oops I just spaced out for a few minutes. I was conscious but not quite. You must be wondering what am I on. Haha*


...
...


Anyway, I had an appraisal with the heads and well, they did paint a beautiful picture of my achievements/work performances and stuff. I had quite a good review but they mentioned something which got me ruffled. I was kind of pissed-sad ... but you know, had to do all the "I-accept-your-comments" crap. I was kind of seething inside.


Head 1: As for your interaction with colleagues, we see that you are closed with some of the IT staff.
Ed: Yeah, they're nice people.
Head 2: Yeah it's nice to see you hanging out with them
Head 1: But we would like to see you doing that with the Business people also.
Ed: But..but..I do!
Head 1: I dont really hear you much interacting with them and...
Head 2: You're a mass comm person, what! Shouldnt be a problem, right?
Ed: But..but..I..
Head 1: I also think that you are quite picky when choosing the people you want to talk to.


Oh that got me quite mad. I was so mad, I felt like a part of me died a little.


Ed: But that's not true!
Head 1: Well that's what I've seen and gathered.


You've seen and gathered wrongly, slimer!
I didnt say that, of course.


Head 2: You need to contribute more to office conversations.
Ed: But I've been busy. I am not cooping myself in the Mass Comm room for nothing, you know.
Head 1: I know but it's just those office stuff...interacting with colleagues from the same business department and stuff.


Is he trying to say that he is jealous of me hanging out with my IT colleagues? Those colleagues who are much within my age group and have things in common? Those colleagues who actually know what the fuck I am doing? People who actually bothered to share mobile numbers and personal emails with me so that we can have personal chats? People who actually bothered to ask me out for lunch, go out for dinner and have post-work activities? Words couldnt describe how pissed off I felt. I've had it.


Ed: You know what, Head 1 and Head 2?
Head 2: Yes?
Ed: It's human nature that one tends to be drawn to certain people.
Head 1: Yes I know but...
Ed: I've studied Human Psychology before and it's natural to be picky.
Head 1: Yes I know.
Ed: Does it ever occur to you that it's not me... but them?
Head 1: Well, that could be the case too.
Ed: Maybe it is not me who has the problem. Does it occur to you?


They just nodded and coolly moved on to the next topic. Urgh. You dont get to dismiss me off like that, shitbags. You fucking dont. I'll get back at you somehow. I have my ways. I'll figure something out even if it means I have to pee in your soup or something.


So yes.
Communicator who cannot communicate.


I went back to the office, slowly beginning to detest that shithole. Went over to Idaho and in perfect Malay and hushed tones, vomitted out all the anger. After that, I went over to the other side of the office where the Indian Boyband (3 Indian men) was seated and lashed out my anger again.


Boyband 1: [in his crisp British accent] You mean he said that? That's not fair!
Ed: Tell me about it.
Boyband 2: Gosh, you need to talk more to the cuckoos out there.
Ed: What do you want me to say??
Boyband 2: Say some stupid things, lah.
Ed: We talk about movies and stuff. I cant talk about that to them!
Boyband 2: I know. Some chicken language going on.
Ed: And I got penalised for that? What the fuck!
Boyband 1: That's nuts, mate. It's screwed up.
Ed: Yes. And I'm penalised for it. Fucking hell.
Boyband 2: That's fooking bollocks.


Good God. I dont need all this crap. If I am not chatty enough, God knows what the other recluse academics have in their appraisal report. "Make you presence felt, please" or "God gave you a mouth for a reason" most probably.

You know it's not healthy to be this angry.

Or this upset.



P/S: I need to catch a show or go for a freaking long walk.

P/P/S: Screw it. I need a good cry.


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