Giving up the fight

Why, man? Think I don’t know what’s going on?
You think I’m stupid? A fool?
Listen. I am not the dimwit you knew many moons ago.
My blood flows colder now.
If I were you, I’d watch my steps.
I will not go threading down my path.
So…back off.

...try to imagine me saying that in a sweet, gentle manner…heh.

……..


Had a ridiculous devil-infested dream.

There was a Chinese funeral downstairs and somehow the dead person was a family member. A Chinese woman asked my brother and I to change into the mourning clothes. Strangely, the mourning clothes had colourful flower motifs on them. Got orange and red flowers on a black base. Anyway, we went to this dusty box to take the clothes. I found 2 bottoms but no tops/shirts. When I looked up to find my supposedly Chinese auntie, I saw a passerby (a rich Chinese tai tai) wearing the top. I chased the tai tai and pleaded for her to give me her top. The next thing I knew, the top (or blouse) was in my hand. Heh, she probably walked off naked. So my brother and I made our way to the lift lobby. We wanted to go upstairs and change.

Then he heard a commotion. On the other side of the void deck was a malay wedding. There was a group of young malay men setting up the music/band equipment. There were some guests who were already feasting on the food. However, a strange thing was that all of the people in the malay wedding were teenagers. The cook was a teenager, the guests were teenagers. I assume it was a teenage wedding. Faint…

Then before my brother and I could step into the lift, a malay voice was heard. It was calling my brother. We turned around and saw a malay teenager who was hollering at my brother. Apparently, it was my brother’s primary school friend. It was his wedding and he asked us to attend the wedding. My brother just shook his head and showed him the mourning clothes which he was holding. The boy just said, “Oh!” and he backed away.

…..

I think this is partly because of the current funeral downstairs. I think (the 5th floor dude) Weisheng’s grandmother passed away. No wonder he couldn’t make it to the reunion. As for the malay teenage wedding…hah, obviously you have to refer to my previous blog entries. As for me wearing ugly mourning clothes…it’s an indication that I have to go shopping for newer and prettier clothes. Hah, it’s all so superficial now.

It’s Wednesday. On monday, a Mandala plane crashed into a neighbourhood in Medan. I told my brother, “Indonesia is cursed and the end of the world is near.”

Then I got distracted by New Orleans. I told my brother “USA is cursed and the end of the world is near.”

Bro: Serve them right!
Me: Why?
B: Because they always think they are right and more powerful than everybody else.
M: But that’s just its government.
B: It’s the same. The government is chosen by its people.
M: Aiyah…no one deserves all this.
B: Oh yes, the Americans.

AFP Photo

Pak Wim and I were discussing about these 2 tragedies. He said Mandala Airlines was the poor people’s airline. He was wondering why the Governor was taking that airlines instead of Merpati or Garuda. Pak Wim speculated that perhaps, the aircraft wasn’t well maintained. We also talked about the Katrina disaster…which he said turned out to be a bigger disaster than tsunami. I wonder…why does the world’s richest country need foreign aid? From who? The Sultan of Brunei? Then I read that Kanye West said there’s racial discrimination involved. But then again..this is Kanye, who believes that the world owes him an apology.

Oh well. Mindless..mindless..mindless.


Whenever in doubt or worry, I just sing.

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't - I Can’t Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt

Uh huh.
Point taken.

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