Chocolate...bitter and melting

“Fragile seems I opened up to quick
And all my dreams were woken up
I slowly lost my fight
With every single man a river cried

I had no sensation
Completely numb I felt no satisfaction
I thought no one could ever get me high again
I swear I was not looking

I've waited so long
I thought the real thing was a fake
I thought it was a tool to break me down
You prove me wrong again

If love were liquid it would drown me
In a placeless place refine me
In a heart shape come around me
And then melt me slowly down
If love were a human it would know me
In a lost space come and show me
Hold me and control me
And then melt me slowly down
Like chocolate” (Chocolate, Kylie Minogue)

Having the afternoon to myself in the house made me cherish a little independence which had eluded me for the past 1 week. Think being unwell made the brain worked a little slower. The weather’s so hot outside and yet I was inside feeling chilly and sappy, with a tight asphyxiated feeling in my congested chest.

Almost passed out in the living room as I was shimmying to Madonna’s Like A Prayer. The frequent sneezing fit choked me of my air and the cold shower didn’t help. Digressing a bit: I don’t have a water heater BUT the father has just installed a shower head. So yeah! After 15 years of showering by scooping water from a pail, we finally have a shower head! And in another 15 years, the house will finally have a water heater.

Oh well.

Watched Coach Carter on HBO and well, I like sports movies. Inspiring coaches/teachers always manage to pull buckets of tears from me. Who doesn’t love great leaders? I definitely do. Who doesn’t love great athletes? I definitely do. The discipline, the dedication, the grit...are all damn admirable. Mm mmm.

Anyway...

Sometimes we need people to remind us how lucky we are, how privileged we are. Sometimes we need misdeeds to lead us back to where we started and then embark on a different route. Sometimes we need to be reminded not to let our fears supersede what we truly want to be.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson



Must listen to wise brass men.


It is 12 more days to a new year. Don’t think it is too early to reflect, no? Maybe let’s choose “love”. Hmmm…how is the love matter this year?

Love in 2006. What love? I thought I saw a glimmer but it was just a reflection. Before you dismiss me off as being choosy, ask yourself first. How receptive are you? Do you befriend every one with the intention of making her/him The One? Does everyone make it to your list? Oh I just received an sms from the best friend.


“Hei, wana go xpress train? www.romancing.com … its like speed dating tingy…let me noe.”


Err wow.

What happened to all the guys she has been dating this year? Anyway, I don’t know. I am not the kind guys will go to based on physicalities. And even if they do, I will do or say something to intimidate them away. Which, is of course, unintentional most of the time. Unless he is truly a bitch. Besides, in this kind of situations, I will be fighting with other girls, vying for the same people. And I am not a fighter. Over a belief, yes. Not over somebody, definitely.

Think I’ll pass. Shall ply my trade not pressure meself into anything. Maybe the one I have been looking for…or destined to be with…is right in front of me. Correct?

Baby, baby, baby
From the day I saw you
I really really want to catch your eye
There's something special 'bout you
I must really like you
Cause not a lot of guys are worth my time
Ooo baby, baby, baby
It's gettin kind of crazy
Cause you are takin over my mind

And it feels like … oooh
But you don't know my name
And I swear it feels like … oooh
You don't know my name
(Round and round and round we go)
(Will you ever know)

Oh baby baby baby
I see us on our first date
You're doin everything that makes me smile
And when we had our first kiss
It happened on a Thursday
Oooh it set my soul on fire
Oooh baby baby baby
I can't wait for the first time
My imagination's runnin wild

It feels like … oooh
You don't know my name
And I swear it baby it feels like … oooh
You don't know my name
(Round and round and round we go)
(Will you ever know)

I'm sayin he don't even know what he's doin' to me
Got me feelin' all crazy inside
I'm feelin like …owww

Doin more than I've ever done for anyone's attention
Take notice of what's in front of you
Cause did I mention
You're 'bout to miss a good thing
And you'll never know
How good it feels to have all of my affection
And you'll never get a chance to experience my lovin'

Cause my lovin' feels like … oooh
You don't know my name
(Round and round and round we go)
(Will you ever know)
And I swear it feels like … oooh
You don't know my name
(Round and round and round we go)
(Will you ever know) – You Don’t Know My Name, Alicia Keys

And..well, maybe you do.

Go edit.

A thousand times goodnight, lonely city people.


P/S: Sharinah, I think Meiling has something in store for us this weekend. You know what we should do yeah. Doh.

P/P/S: Had a "video call" with Fifi. It was so weird seeing him "live" on my laptop. Anyway he showed me his goodsDVDs. We tried to do it one more time cause he wanted to show me something else but the connection failed. Guess it was fated to be a one night stand.

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